Advice

17 posts

Rowen’s Coffee House: Put Your Best Foot Forward

Let’s say you’re walking past a Starbucks, or a whatever, and you decide, “Fuck man, I’m thirsty! Well, actually, not really thirsty, because if I was, I wouldn’t drink something that’s gonna dehydrate me. But, I’m going through withdraw and need something caffeinated, and probably loaded with sugar and carbs.” So, it’s time to go in and get yourself some coffee, or coffee-like beverages.


Before you do, though, you need to prepare. If you’re not used to this, it might be time to step to the side of the sidewalk and collect yourself. First thing, are you on the phone? Well, before you go inside, you might want to finish that conversation up. Why? Because you aren’t that interesting and the people inside don’t give a shit about what you have to say. Harsh, I know, but it’s true, and like Tania and Rhonda, I tell it like it is.

 

So, you’re done with your phone conversation and have hung up and are interested in entering the store. First, though, take a look inside. Is there a line? Can you see how many folks are working behind the counter? These all will affect how things go later on. Also, are you in a rush? We’ll get to ordering later, but if there’s a really long line and only 2-3 people behind the counter, chances are that no matter what you order, it’s going to take a while. Also, unless you’re sleeping with one of the baristas, your demands of being served first will only end in more time being wasted and possibly receiving a decaf drink.

 

Now open the door. Feel that nice breeze coming from the rush of temperature controlled air blowing past you to the outside. Isn’t it nice? Well, it’s not nice to us inside. Usually, the inside is nice and temperature controlled so that if it’s hot outside, then it’s cool inside, and vice versa. You, however, are standing in the doorway for no reason and screwing that delicate balance up. While there are times this can be excusable (aka, you’re holding the door open for a wheelchair bound elderly orphan with a puppy with sad eyes), sometimes, you’re just holding it open for no reason. Maybe you’re finishing up that phone conversation you should have finished up outside. Maybe you’re trying to decide if you left your vibrator on. Maybe you have temporary blindness and don’t realize that there are two doors to a set of double doors (though, in your defense, sometimes one door IS locked, even if it is against fire code). Either way, it’d be swell if you could just hurry up and get inside, instead of blocking other people and causing a general nuisance. Get in, or get out. Shit or get off the pot. Don’t be a dog in a manger.

 

You’re inside, now. Breathe. Relax. See, that wasn’t that difficult? It’s not like this is rocket science, righ. … wait, um, you seem to have something on your face. No, really. It’s around your eye region. What? You can’t see it cause it’s so dark? Here, let me help you with that. Yeah, I’m just gonna take those off… Better right? As Sister Mary Clarence put it, “There is no sun in this room. You will not get a tan. Take off those sunglasses. That goes for you too. If they’re not prescription, I don’t wanna see ’em. I want to see you. I want to look into your eyes. I want you to be able to look into mine.”

 

So, you’ve managed to navigate how to physically enter the store without being a total douche. Congratulations! Unfortunately, you have another hurdle. You have to place your order without being a total jerk, but we’ll deal with that next time.

Community College Hell – How to Take a Test

About 18 months ago I was laid off. In my haste to figure out what to do with the next 1/3rd of my life, my fiancee and I talked about me going back to get my CS degree. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

I started with a full set of basic classes. I started registration late and had to choose from a very limited supply of classes. My semester consisted of: Western Civilization, Microeconomics, US Government and Java Programming. Java Programming was online, so I didn’t deal much with the other students or the teacher in that class. I met the teacher only for the mid-term and the final.

The first week I walked into my classes, every teacher gave their version of the same speech: read the book, do the homework, study for the tests. They each had their own version of a “the system is out to get you” lecture. Every one of my teachers was a crackpot conservative. My Western Civ teacher was a Birther.

Every one of them said something similar about attrition as well. They said that the class would have 70% fewer students by finals.

I was going to community college. It was a good community college (California has some of the best), but it was still full of people who, for one reason or another, weren’t going to a State or UC college. I was also one of the oldest students in two of my classes (My Civ class had a grandma in it). In the first 4 weeks, I would go into classes, do the reading, do the homework, and follow the instructions the teachers gave out. I assumed my fellow students were doing the same thing.

My first hint that my professors might be on to something was my third week. Our Western Civ teacher gave us an assignment. It wasn’t a difficult assignment in my mind as I’d already done it four weeks earlier, even before the class had started. The assignment was to buy the course book. You didn’t have to carry the book into the class, all you had to do was come into class with proof you had purchased the book. This was worth 5% of your grade.

About 25% of the class failed this assignment. This was about the same number of people who forgot to take the “doesn’t count on your grade” pre-test in Microeconomics that my instructor begged us to take.

About 4 weeks in I had one test in each of my 3 humanities courses. Each one was relatively easy for me because I had followed the instructions of the professors: I had read the material, done the homework, and studied for the tests. This time period was an unmitigated disaster for many of my fellow students. Each class had students freaking out about what the tests contained and how all the tests were too difficult. Each teacher was stereotyped as an uncaring career sadist who delighted in pedantic lecturing that had nothing to do with the real world.

The class sizes began to dwindle. We lost a lot of people in my Microeconomics class right after the first test. My Government class started with 250 people, so at first it was hard to tell how many people were left. I sat in front in my Western Civ class, so I didn’t pay too much attention at the time.

At about week 11, I looked up my post mid-term grades and had a minor meltdown. I had taken two tests on the same day in week 9 while trying to play goalie to a child that refused to sleep in his own bed. From the grade scores, I had assumed that I had blown both. My Fiancee talked me down by telling me not to assume anything. Her suspicions proved correct; I learned that the curves in those classes were so low that my grades were putting me in the High B / Low A range. She was particularly annoyed at how little studying I was doing. She didn’t see me doing a lot compared to what she did in undergrad.

After my second test in Western Civ, my professor told the class that as a matter-of-fact, 45% of the class had failed both tests. What was amazing about that number was that the teacher did the following for every test:

  • Gave the questions to the tests during lecture,
  • Defined all of the vocabulary 3 times,
  • Told us where to read to get the answers for the essays, and
  • Provided outlines for her lecture.

In order to fail a test in her class, you had to lose 15 points out of 25. Oh, did I mention she also drops your lowest test score when doing your grade?

My Microeconomics teacher gave two tests. They admittedly were difficult. It was not an easy course.

My Government class had 3 tests, all of them open book. He put in his class notes the areas that each test covered.  His tests were so heavily curved that it was possible to miss 40 questions out of 60 and pass it. He gave students 15 extra credit questions on one test, and two extra credit book reports that would count for the equivalent of one free test’s worth of points. There were still people petitioning to curve the second test because it was “too hard.”

I think a lot of students hear “Open Book Test” and think it means “I don’t have to read the book.” I sat in a row of 5 people, and I asked every week for 3 weeks if anyone had read the chapters (yeah, I’m that guy). I was the only one. I took lecture notes, but I didn’t reread them in this class because they weren’t that useful.

Of all of my teachers, my Government teacher was probably the most useful because he was typical of the type of instructor at a university. He lectured abstractly about the material and expected the students to do the reading on their own. He didn’t tell you to learn the material, you just wouldn’t pass his class.

And he was despised for it. If you look at the reviews for him on RateMyProfessor.com, you’ll find hundreds of angry students going back years complaining about his teaching style. Of course, if you look harder, you’ll find the students who actually learned something in his class. It’s a small list.

My Microeconomics class had 27 students in it on the day of the final. We started with 120, with more people who were trying to petition to enroll. My Government class had less than 80 out of 245. My Western Civ class had 40 out of 120, and of those 10 of them still were failing the class. This was after she told everyone who failed the first two tests to drop the class.

Remember my Java Class? I didn’t have a lot of contact with the students except for the class forum. There were usually 6 kids and me in it. There were 60 people enrolled in the class. I earned a high B / low A in the class and thought I wasn’t pulling my weight because a lot of students had better homework grades. Then we took our first test. I was in the top 7 in tests, among the other 6 kids who were the only commenters in the forum. I don’t want to believe the other students copied homework, but the test scores and the behavior during the test indicated that some of them couldn’t even open the program to start the test. I spent 30 minutes watching one of the “A” students struggle to open the first assignment.

My last test was my Government class. The students had been complaining about this test for the past three weeks.  It covered 16 chapters in two books, about 300 pages of reading. I spent the weekend before reading one of the books, and had already read the other material in the other book. Here is how you take a test when it is open book:

  • Read the book
  • Do the homework
  • Study the material

It doesn’t hurt to make note cards with chapter names for the questions you might have to look up. Also, the index is your best friend.

One of the selling points for this particular school was that this was the best feeder school to the UC system. They boasted about it in all of their literature. Later on I found out what that rate was: 5%. There were 20,000 Freshman.

No One Should Ever Go To Grad School… Ever

Last week, we heard from grad school rock star GrandInquisitor, who showed you how to make grad school your bitch. Now, I know for a fact that GI is one hell of a grad student and that you are getting absolutely top-notch advice.

But first let’s get one thing straight: Grad school is bullshit and under no circumstances should you listen to your annoying thick-framed-glasses-wearing friends who are telling you to apply to it. DO NOT GO TO GRAD SCHOOL. Here’s why:

1. Law school is the ultimate exercise in bullshit.

Don’t even think about going to law school. Don’t listen to your parents, they just want to be able to say there’s a lawyer in the family, even if it means ruining your life. There are already way too many law school grads and not nearly enough legal jobs.

“When the economy first went down, students saw law school as a way to dodge the work force,” said Ryan Heitkamp, a pre-law adviser at Ohio State University. “The news has gotten out that law school is not necessarily a safe backup plan.”

And perhaps worst of all, graduating from law school with huge debt has a tendency to turn you into a huge douchebag.

2. A journalism graduate degree is even bullshittier than a law degree.

Having gone to an undergraduate j-school program, I cannot even imagine wanting to go back and get a master’s in journalism. First of all, journalism school (even at the undergrad level) is pretty silly. Everything you really need to know you’ll learn on the job. Most of the best journalists I’ve met actually studied something else in college. Second, Journalists make dick. The money at most traditional journalism jobs will have you living the social worker lifestyle. I hope you enjoy driving that 1990 Hyundai!

But the real reason you shouldn’t study journalism in grad school is that the industry is changing so fast that university departments aren’t keeping up. Journalism is not a hard science. The big ideas are coming out of places like Gawker and Crasstalk.com, not college faculties. In fact, for a large swath of the industry, having a graduate degree counts against you.

Also, as a rule of thumb you should always do the opposite of whatever an unpaid HuffPo blog-jockey tells you to do.

3. The world does not need more literature professors who specialize in obscure shit no one cares about.

Expecting a career in academia is an absolutely terrible reason to go back to grad school. Yeah, yeah, you probably read “Mysteries of Pittsburgh” and thought you could get yourself into some kind of cool faculty intrigue. But in reality you’ll just end up as a non-tenured adjunct professor, which is the academic equivalent of a mall security guard.

Here’s a Brown University Ph.D student’s take on the experience:

The prevailing culture of graduate school, if not always the experience itself, is one of misery and deprivation. Most grad students genuinely believe that theirs is a particularly difficult existence. I myself have been guilty of this. My theory is that this is partly due to the discrepancy between high seriousness and low stakes. One spends a lot of time racking one’s brains about serious questions without anyone particularly caring about the answers. One can devote anywhere from two years to a decade on a dissertation, pouring all one’s intellectual energy into the project, for the reading pleasure of exactly three people, two of whom will only pretend to read it.

Sadder still is the way in which the horrible process of academic professionalization encourages grad students to define themselves by their work. Conference rooms and seminars resound with the sound of socially inept people introducing themselves by their subjects. In one of the most heinous crimes against humor since the last time Dane Cook opened his inexplicably large mouth, I once heard a political scientist respond to a colleague’s remark with, “You would say that — you’re a comparativist!” The seminar room exploded with laughter, making me drop the free sandwich I was there for. You want no part of this.

4. Grad school is not the answer to the piss-poor economy.

Fleeing the shitty job market is a common justification for going back to school. Maybe you’re a few years out of college and just got laid off. Maybe you just graduated from undergrad and are terrified of searching for a job. Don’t let your circumstances (no matter how frustrating or scary) convince you to take the wrong path out of desperation. If you go into grad school out of fear about the economy, and without a rock solid career plan, you’re making a huge mistake.

In addition to the opportunity costs associated with taking yourself out of the workforce for years and losing all those wages, you’ll mostly likely be taking on huge amounts of new debt to pay not just for tuition but also for living expenses. That debt ain’t interest free, which can result in downright startling amounts of money being owed. The juice is always running.

As our 7-year grad student from Brown put it:

I don’t think that I could, in good conscience, recommend graduate school, especially a doctoral program, especially in the humanities, to another soul.

Ouch.

5. The grad student lifestyle is not actually all that cool.

It’s a well-known secret that a large percentage of grad students go back to school because they miss so much of the campus experience. Eating Ramen noodles and riding a Huffy around town while hammered was pretty fucking awesome when you were 19. When you’re 25 or 30… not so much.

Look, the grad school lifestyle mostly sucks ass. You will be completely broke. You will earn less net income than porno shop jizz-moppers. That cool turbo’d Subaru Impreza WRX with the all-wheel drive and fat sound system that you had your eye on? FUCK YOU, GRAD SCHOOL BOY. You’ll drive your old used 1989 Dodge Shadow and wear thrift shop clothes and you’ll like it! And the parties… at the grad school level the parties aren’t really that fun unless you like drinking cheap shitty wine while listening to some guy with a soul patch recite John Berryman poems. And if that sounds like fun, I will personally come to your house and stab you.

6. Working isn’t nearly as bad as everyone makes it sound.

I know every single person in the world bitches about his or her job. Getting up early and going to work in a cubicle does kind of suck. We should all be free to spend our days writing songs about our favorite days of the week or sexting, or whatever it is that the kids are doing these days.

But if it weren’t completely socially unacceptable to do so, most people could tell you at least a few of the parts of their job that they find truly fulfilling. And while classroom learning for its own sake is great, actually doing something in this world is not to be shat upon.

And, oh yeah, you actually will have a lot less debt and maybe even a bit of money in your pocket, unlike your friends in grad school. So instead of spending your late nights writing papers about Pre-Columbian llama herding in Peru, you’ll be out at the club ordering bottles of Santana Champagne and dancing to this song. My first job out of college paid a paltry $25,000 a year and I felt fucking rich at the time.

7. Grad school has nothing to do with learning or enlightenment or any of that bullshit.

Grad school is about credentialing, not learning. Stop romanticizing the idea of studying a bunch of obscure, theoretical bullshit that no one cares about. You’re an adult now, you already should have the critical thinking skills necessary to Mapquest your nearest library and crack open a book. And if your local college has some professor whose ideas really do fascinate you, you can always read his book or audit his course without signing up for a lifetime of debt.

8. There’s a fine line between educated and overeducated… and it’s called “grad school.”

Grad school will train you in economically questionable skills such as writing things like this.

Dear Lala: I Have Hit a Wall with this Windowless Box!

Dear Princess Lala,

I spent a long, horrible summer putting up drywall in my basement.  All I have to show for it is this empty yellow box.

There are no windows in the space, so we put in six recessed lights (on a dimmer) and a central fixture.  The ceiling is too low for anything really fun or dramatic with lighting.  I definitely want to use the space for an office and a guest room is optional (we have an extra bedroom that we use for guests now).  I buy a lot of furniture on Craigslist and love a bargain, but I’m willing to spend money on a few signature items – a rug, a bed, a cool print – that I can take with me.  I don’t plan on living in this house for more than a couple of years, so I want to spend my money on things that I don’t have to leave behind.

I’m not afraid of color, but I can’t live with deeply saturated colors.  I actually don’t care for yellow, but I wanted something warm to balance the gray of the fake slate floor.  This new space is directly off of a big family room in our basement, which is

mostly cream with neutral carpet. The slate floor continues from the office to the connected bathroom.

I’ll send better measurements when I can shake the child from my leg.  Which reminds me – this is NOT a kid space,

though there may be grubby little ones passing through to use the powder room during play dates.

I have hit a wall with this windowless box and need some inspiration.

 

Cheers & Smooches,

Your Loyal Subject

 

Dear Lovely,

Congratulations on all of your hard work and new skill set! No one likes drywalling, not even professional drywallers. Perhaps you have hit a wall with this room because it serves no immediate need- you have an available guest room and you are not working from home full time.  I am game to explore the dual potential of this space and create an office that doesn’t feel so underground!

I’m okay with the yellow & choose to treat it as a cheery neutral backdrop. I won’t stray too far from the existing contemporary style and palette of the rest of your home. Building from the ground up, I propose a mainly grey palette punctuated with toasty maple wood to give it warmth and a bit of a vintage vibe. I like the idea of skillfully mixing in a few lilac and deep purple accents to draw a relationship to the connecting powder room but don’t over do it. I am always wary of being too ‘coordinated.’

Home Office With Daybed

I rather like the idea of a modern daybed in this room and am inspired by the simple, chic lubi daybed from CB2. While

floor plan to scale using lubi daybed from cb2

taking precious little floor space it actually unfolds into a king size sleeper. This leaves plenty of room for a proper desk with ample work surface. Max out the storage with a mixture of closed & open options. In addition to floating shelves above the desk, choose a tall bookcase or wardrobe for the short wall nearby to house your printer and computer accoutrements. These shelves will establish a nice height line in the room that can be repeated by adding a large print and substantial floor lamp to the daybed wall. A lower open bookcase along the entry wall with a large photo grouping or fabric covered bulletin board above will fill out the space nicely and give the room a nice sense of proportion & scale.

I chose the Zebra rug in grey & cream from West Elm as inspiration to keep it bright and fun. I could as easily visualize the Chrysanthemum or Ferris rugs at WE in this room. When I am on a strict budget for a room, I will choose a solid color remnant from a carpet supplier and have it machine bound. This has the added benefit of being able to custom size, super size or silly-size a rug to suit your needs. Sizing: Position a 7′ x 9′ area rug to ground the seating area, leaving about 12″ under sofa or choose a custom size 7′ x 13′-6″ to fill entire room with an equal border of floor showing on all sides.

 

Sophistifunk! Hip, edgy and underground. *click to enlarge

Lighting: It is wonderful that you installed both recessed lighting and a central light fixture, all on dimmers. It is always best in any room to have multiple sources of controllable light but especially so in a room without windows, further enhanced with ambient  & task lighting/lamps. I encourage any basement renovators to install the latest and greatest in recessed fixtures/pot lights. I really hate to ask someone to change a fixture that is brand new but I really want you to change the brand new center light fixture. I appreciate how difficult it is to find a low profile fixture for a room with less than high ceilings- really, I just scrolled through 800 of them. I also realize you not wanting to bust the bank on your basement reno but it seems too builder-basic foyer. This room isn’t either (and neither are you) so here are some picks for between $59-$189 in your town.

 

Clockwise from top left: Home Depot $189, Metro Lighting $141, Metro $59, Metro $172. *click to enlarge*

Additional Finds & Inspirations:

I cannot help myself with mid-mod inspired furniture, I like to see it paired with well travelled, global accents like over sized baskets or Asian fretwork. Vintage industrial elements like printer’s blocks and wire baskets make a hip. happy marriage too.

http://tinyurl.com/4b5yg43

http://stlouis.craigslist.org/atq/2252690557.html

http://stlouis.craigslist.org/fuo/2214666604.html

http://www.lsfabrics.com/fabric_catalog.php?cPath=1_37

http://tinyurl.com/4eujvaw

St.Louis has a robust Craigslist and it may also serve to guide your inspiration for this room. I hope this becomes a room that inspires, where ideas are born & private dreams are hatched! I feel I have spent some time in it already. In fact, I believe I left my shoes by the daybed. If you could send those back to me, I would be much obliged.

As Ever,

P to the L


Please send your design dilemmas and disasters to [email protected]

Dear Lala – Help, My Bathroom Is Heinous!

Dear Lala,

I am submitting a few pics of what is probably the most heinous bathroom ever. At least I managed to get the brown and gold swirl flocked wallpaper off the walls…yeah. It was that bad. So this is an improvement if you can believe it.

My style is traditional. Not just because  I find it comfortable, but for purposes of resale, its easier to sell something traditional than it is a Japanese soaking tub, glass block walls, or something equally out-there (for  NJ anyway).

My budget is as low as can be. I’m honestly not sure of how much any of the work will cost (I’m waiting on estimates). The joists run parallel to the bedroom walls on either side of the bathroom. Moving the toilet (assuming its currently centered between the joists) will give me up to a foot of possible movement. I don’t want to move the toilet to a position where a joist would have to be drilled, since it could compromise the structural integrity of the joist.

Help!

Ditzy Blonde


Dear Ditzy,

I can assure you, this is not the most heinous bathroom that I have seen but I feel your pain. It is a daunting task planning a bathroom renovation because it requires so much skilled labour to get the job done- plumbing, electrical, carpentry. It can also yield the highest return on investment when selling your home. You have some homework to do and decisions to make!

No one has an unlimited budget so it is important to make a list of your deepest desires and a list of your actual needs. Ultimately, every good reno will have a mix of splurge items and budget basics. My non-negotiable here would likely be a custom walk-in shower and separate bathtub. I could live without custom cabinetry because so many vanity and storage cabinets come in such a wide array of stock sizes, shapes (and finishes) that can create a nearly custom fit. Staying with a neutral palette & a classic design scheme will also allow you to get creative (read: frugal) when it comes time to shop.

Click to enlarge. Toilet & plumbing position remains same, single entrance moved to hall. 2 proposed plans.

So, let’s talk floor plan. I hate to start my first design advice post by disagreeing with your contractor over toilet position but I can’t help myself. Nothing makes this princess want to stab herself in the eye more than a conversation with a contractor. I am not saying they don’t walk away feeling the exact same about me, I am just saying.

Unless I am reading your plans incorrectly, I don’t see a reason the toilet cannot be moved/stack rerouted along or up that backwall with perhaps the worst case scenario being a possible bulkhead below.  Since I don’t have plans to the floors beneath, I will not belabor the point. I will revisit it a few short paragraphs away…

Click to enlarge. Bath & vanity wall elevations.

Toilet position aside, the double entry from the master and guest bedrooms is taking up a lot of precious real estate. I know this layout provided endless sitcom fodder on The Brady Bunch but I’m not sure I want to be in any bathroom comedy situation with overnight guests. I recommend you position a single entry from the hall. You could still maintain a hall linen cabinet on either side of the door but I might be more inclined to opt for a roomier shower and max out storage on the vanity wall. The splurge in this scenario is the custom fitted glass wall & door of the shower with full tile wall. You can offset this by choosing a drop in tub that fully covers the deck surface & selecting from stock cabinetry.

click to enlarge

Make sure to provide ample lighting from multiple sources, usually meaning window, recessed, sconce and hanging. Really make your space sparkle- the space is gutted, so be sure to take advantage: have recessed lighting and sconces on separate switches with dimmers. Choose simple, classic fixtures and hardware.

 

Don’t be afraid to use large tiles in a small space. A nice 12″ x 24″ porcelain tile will feel luxe. I love porcelain tile, it has the depth and feel of marble (without the $) and the available colours will mix beautifully with marble countertops. Most large DIY stores carry ready-to-install counters in crema and carrera marble. I suggest mixing the same color tile in a variety of sizes, in the same shape: 12″x 24″, 4″ x 6″ subway in the shower, and maybe a smaller mosaic or basketweave for the vanity & bath backsplash. The continuity of colour is really calming, the mix of texture keeps it interesting and fresh.

 

1. click to enlarge

I cannot end this post without including the plans that place the toilet where I want. Because I am a princess and because I cannot stop redesigning your master bath.

The same principles always apply- there is custom luxury and builder basic in equal measure.

1. Beautiful, traditional mix of creamy, dreamy tile, rich toasty wood, painted panel moulding with freestanding bath. *Best part: toilet is hidden behind wall. I do this whenever possible. Tub, vanity and faucets are all from Lowe’s so keep abreast of those sales! Tiles and tubs get discontinued, thus discounted regularly.

 

2. Click to enlarge

2. Probably the closest plan to the drawings you sent me and likely the the most budget friendly in spite of that pesky loo because I have left the doors. Comedy gold, Ditzy!

Insignia linen cabinets and full tub surround are also all from Lowe’s. I recommend injecting some luxe in this scheme by adding the mosaic detail in the center of the room, a tiled ‘area rug’, if you will. Repeat the painted shaker detail on the facade of the bathtub, wainscoting and on the entry doors. Really ground the whites in the room by mixing in oil rubbed bronze fixtures (door knobs, hinges & drawer pulls). Punctuate with a rich wood frame mirror.

 

3. Click to enlarge.

3. Sophisticated shades of grey punctuated with dark wood and crisp white. The vanity & medicine cabinets are from Restoration Hardware. The built in bookcase above the bath is from the bottom of my heart. I am a sucker for a built in! Porcelain floor and wall tiles, glass wall shower.

Has your head exploded? Mine too! That’s okay, collect yourself and have good long think about what you would like to achieve. Price out high, medium and low options. Sit down with qualified and enthusiastic contractors and show them these floor plans. Be very clear with them and yourself about what your actual budget is. Then get excited, and send me the after shots. Good luck!

 

S.L.Y.,

Princess Lala

 

*Please send your design dilemmas & disasters to [email protected]


Click to enlarge

 

*UPDATE

@MissAnitaMan

Cheap as chips.

Estate Vanity $148.00, Estate Medicine Cabinet $88.00, Olean Pinwheel Floor Tile $12/sf, all from Lowes. White subway wall tile $00.23 each from Home Depot.

I still might paint the room a beige/ creamy white for a bit of contrast. Maybe Benjamin Moore Ballet White OC9 or White Sand OC10. Good Luck!

No One Here Gets Out Alive – Part One

2 comments

The most awkward and painful discussions health professionals have is the conversation about end of life care.  Working in Geriatrics, I often have this conversation with family members or even friends of patients who are not able to make their own decisions.  Even in the best of circumstances, when the patient’s wishes are generally known, it is a difficult call to make.  In the absence of any idea of what that person may have wanted, it can be heart-wrenching.  In America, which is an especially ‘death denying’ culture, most people don’t want to think about, never mind plan for, their own death.  But without clear Advanced Directives and and a Health Care Proxy you can trust, you risk having your final days be everything you never wanted – including a protracted, bitter battle amongst family members, a la Terri Schiavo.

The first thing you must do is admit that you will die.  And it may not happen the way you would like or when you expect.  You may become incapacitated for a period of time before death and be unable to direct your care or make decisions.  This may happen from an accident or a heart attack or stroke.  You may also develop dementia or another neurological condition that impairs your cognition.  Any of these situations may happen at any time, so even if you think you are too young to think about this – you’re not.

Secondly, you must find a Health Care Proxy.  A Health Care Proxy (HCP) is a person you appoint to make decisions about your care on your behalf.  It is, in most cases, extremely simple to do this.  Your doctor or hospital will have forms or you can find the forms on the internet. You simply fill out the forms, have them signed and witnessed and give copies to your HCP and your alternate, your health care provider, attorney and/or any one else who will be available to provide these forms to your medical providers if you become ill.  There are also online registries, which for a fee, will archive your HCP paperwork or Living Will. Generally speaking, without an HCP, most hospitals and facilities will default decision making to your next of kin.  However, that can easily get sticky and complicated should there be disagreement among family members or if long term relationships are not recognized by the laws of the state in which you become ill and seek care. It is not unheard of for facilities to seek to have a legal guardian appointed, should the family situation become unstable.  Then you may end up with a stranger making decisions for you.

I will note here as well, that you do not have to appoint your legal next of kin as HCP.  If you are not appointing your spouse, I would recommend that you have that discussion with them and involve an attorney in drawing up the papers.

Choosing an HCP should be done with care.  You want to pick someone who will follow your wishes.  It is important to note that your HCP does not have to abide by your wishes.  The HCP you choose should understand and accept your wishes regarding end of life care and promise to act accordingly – even if your medical providers or other family/friends do not agree and pressure them to act otherwise.  Also make sure you are using the appropriate paperwork for the state in which you reside or frequent. State requirements for HCP and Advanced Directives do vary.  If you travel frequently, a trip to an estate attorney may be in order to obtain a durable power of attorney for healthcare decisions that will be iron clad wherever you roam.

Which brings us to Advanced Directives.  I will go into great detail about all the decisions you will need to make in my next post.  As a general overview, Advanced Directives are your written wishes about what kind of care you would want if you were unable to make your own decisions.  The more specific, the better.  Simply saying ‘no heroic measures’ is way too open to interpretation.  In my next post, I will review the options and share with you my own Advanced Directives document.

The problem with Advanced Directives, however, is that they do not carry the force of law.  It is simply a statement that you make regarding your philosophy of care for yourself.  I have unfortunately seen clearly written and properly notarized Advanced Directives ignored, because the HCP or legal guardian had different ideas.  But don’t let that stop you from writing them!  The more information that is out there about what you want, the better.  And all the more reason to pick your HCP with care and discuss your wishes with them

You don’t need an attorney to fill out paperwork for an HCP, however if your situation is complicated (e.g., not appointing your spouse, same sex couple in most states, long term unmarried couples) you may want to consult an estate attorney.  It’s also a good idea to appoint someone to be responsible for your finances as well and draw up a will while you’re there.

My next post will explore the decisions you need to make – DNRs, feeding tubes, etc.  Also, please let me know if there is any other information  you would like to know.

Cartoon from jakejacob.blogspot.com.

 

UPDATE:  I fixed the linkies.

 

Bestow your New York City wisdom upon me

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Do you live in New York City? Did you live there in the past? Were you born there, or did you move there from another part of the country once you reached adulthood? If any of those things sound like you, I need your assistance in the small matter of my impending move from Atlanta.

I’ve been to New York City plenty of times, I have some friends who live there and I’m moving with my job, so I’ve got a lot of the basics of a major move covered. I’d like to live in the East Village or another neighborhood with other people in my age range. I’m 25, single, female and can pay $1100-$1300 per month for my part of the rent. I anticipate having a roommate, of course.

I like to go out to eat and drink and I don’t mind living in a noisy area, so long as it’s reasonably safe. I don’t have an office to which I’ll need to commute, so while close subway accessibility would be great, it wouldn’t necessarily be as important for me as for someone who needs to get somewhere on a schedule in the morning.

So tell me about your favorite neighborhoods. If I move to the East Village, how far is too far into Alphabet City? Am I going to hate it for the first six months? Am I going to miss singing at the top of my lungs in my car as much as I think I’m going to? Because I really think I’m going to miss that. Any advice for savvy subway riding?

If I’ve left anything out, tell me. I appreciate any and all feedback that you can give me, it’s invaluable.