Oh, good gracious. We imagine this will be like having lunch with the jerkoff from high school whose mom plays Bridge with your mom, so now you’re obligated to eat with this guy so you can hear all about his sensational plans to travel/go to cooking school/open up a hot dog stand at the baseball stadium or whatever, now that he’s unemployed. You can’t make anyone any promises, but sure, yeah, you’ll see if there are any openings at your company — perhaps in the research lab testing Styrofoam and pantyhose. No, not really, but what can you do?
But just which Mitt Romney will show up to this super friendly, not at all weird and awkward lunch had between two people who think about the country and its inhabitants in totally different ways — one wanting the best for Americans — the other wanting half the nation to stop bringing down the property values of his various mansions across the country.
Will we see gaffe-noodle brained Willard who’ll no doubt stick his foot in his mouth at some point during the meeting where he’ll make an awful joke about birth certificates and wanting to see Obama’s “Joy Book” lady binders? Or will the aggressive business tycoon come out, you know the one, the jerkish, mawkish dickwad who wanted to run roughshod over everyone in the room, and went into full-on bull-headed asshole mode during several debates and also while making asinine comments to donors for why he lost the presidency? We’re thinking this guy will try and sneak into the Oval Office just to wipe his loser butt across Obama’s desk.
Perhaps though, the guy who will show up will be the one we’ve seen lately at a gas station, at Disneyland, and clinging to Ann on Thanksgiving day with his hair all askew, dressed in rodeo clown shirts from 1967, and looking all the man fit for making everyone around him blimey crazy if he doesn’t find something to do with himself. Even son, Josh Romney, or as we refer to him “Son of the Green Goblin” is probably saying, “Holy shit, Dad! You lost being president of the free world! It’s not like we’re poor. Get a hold of yourself.”
Is it even possible that Mitt Romney can be contrite enough to contain that thing that makes him him long enough to get through a lunch without launching into either smarmy platitudes, wild condescension, or unstoppable tears while screaming that he just wants to be PRESIDENT FOR JUST ONE MINUTE AND THEN HE SWEARS HE’LL GIVE IT RIGHT BACK! It’s possible we won’t know since the press won’t be privy to the goings on behind closed doors, but we’re sure there will be photos of the two men shaking hands and looking professional. Whether or not Romney can hold it together from then on remains to be seen. Folks on Twitter seem rather skeptical given his track record.
We’ll just say that we hope Romney can get his shit together for this meeting because really it could be a win-win for both. Obama’s been criticized for not interacting more with business leaders, and Romney, well, Romney’s been criticized for being a Borg-like, semi-humanoid who doesn’t give a damn about the middle class. So it would really be in his best interest to find some common ground with the POTUS and show himself to be willing to help bring all sides together, and for the love of God, not say anything stupid or ridiculous post-lunch like “Obama chews like a socialist!” Yes, yes, we know the latter is a long shot.
