Charmin toilet paper has recently ramped up their advertising in an attempt to either sell more toilet paper or completely freak out the public. Charmin has a history of unusual advertising. Their most famous ad campaign featured people who stalked grocery stores to furtively squeeze toilet paper.
Advertising toilet paper is a tricky business. You want people to be aware of your product without thinking too much about it. They should associate your product with cleanliness. You don’t want them concentrating too much on why they need toilet paper. This will only lead to unpleasant images associating with the product.I noticed the new ad campaign during a family television show. New Charmin ads feature this line: “You can always measure the growth of your children by how they clean themselves in the bathroom.”
This is some sort of bizarre effort to tie good parenting and toilet paper together. If you really love your children, you’ll ensure that they have the best toilet paper available. If you buy substandard toilet paper, you may stunt your child’s growth in some horrific way.
The problem is that this campaign doesn’t make sense. After the child reaches a certain threshold, most parents typically don’t have to intervene in bathroom cleaning. It’s not really a good measure of growth after the child has achieved a certain level of independence. They need toilet paper but after that basic need is met, they can usually develop just fine. Children don’t mature better or faster or more thoroughly because they have access to a certain kind of toilet paper.
Does using more toilet paper mean the child is more mature? No. Absolutely not. Preschoolers who are new to the toilet can use a great deal of toilet paper while accomplishing almost no cleaning whatsoever.
Cleaning in the bathroom is not a standard measure of growth. Sure, it’s important, but parents don’t stand around and talk about it like they do with other milestones.
Things parents ask each other:
- Has Connor lost his first tooth?
- Has Evangeline learned to speak?
- Can Joesphine count to 100?
Things parents never ask each other:
- Does Marie wipe her bottom thoroughly independently?
- How much toilet paper, on average, is James using per day?
- Do you feel that Charles’ anus is thoroughly cleansed?
Even the crazy, super-competitive parents do not have discussions like this. No one brags about or complains about bathroom cleanliness. Did the head of the advertising department get a medical marijuana license? I understand that people write stuff that seems amazing when they are stoned. Usually, they get feedback from someone sober before they implement an entire advertising campaign.
I went to the Charmin website to see if I could figure out the logic behind this whole “your child needs our toilet paper to thrive” campaign and I realized that they have developed an entire social media campaign while under heavy Ambien use.
Here are some real examples of their social media campaign:
- They’ve launched a mobile application to rate bathrooms as clean or dirty at sitorsquat.com. Of course, this means people have to bother to rate bathrooms which doesn’t seem to be happening all that much. The only interesting thing about this app is pulling up the map and seeing the entire world mapped out as sit or squat. At a quick glance, it appears that only bathrooms in Oklahoma, South Dakota and Virginia are acceptable. There seem to be bathrooms floating off the coast of Puerto Rico and at various places in the Atlantic Ocean.
- You can vote for “Ultrasoft” or “Ultrastrong” toilet paper on Facebook if you are so inclined. You can watch debates just like the presidential campaign.
- They are trying to start arguments about toilet paper on Twitter. The current debate they are pushing is “Fold or wad the Charmin?” Does anyone seriously want to discuss this? (I admit that there is a part of me that wants to start debating this passionately with all the fervor of a new religious convert).
- They are pushing this hashtag: #tweetfromtheseat. Does anyone want to hear anything that anyone has to say on the toilet? This hashtag should be banned immediately. Here are some actual tweets:
- #thatyuckymoment when you realize people don’t wash their hands
- that #awkwardmoment when you realized that extra scoop of chili on the hotdog wasn’t such a great idea….Happy Labor Day
- #thatawkwardmoment when you are trying hold it in until the last person leaves. AND THEY DON’T
I will be interested to see how long this campaign lasts. I have not yet signed up to follow any toilet paper companies on Twitter, but I am not a heavy social media user. Perhaps I do not fully understand the possibilities
