Crazed rape-definer, Todd Akin, seems to be telling the world with his new ad that he has no plans of withdrawing from the race.
It doesn’t seem to matter that his statement regarding “legitimate rape” as something that won’t result in pregnancy because the traumatized lady enzymes in the body just simply build a toll bridge and close the gates when legitimate, or forcible rape happens which naturally won’t produce a nasty rape baby — is simply offensive and just not true. Everyone knows that you’d need six magic beans, a beatific photo of Tammy Wynette, and a jug of port wine for actual conception not to happen in this instance.
Anything else would be just silly nonsense.
We’re sure the response to Akin’s scientific spoutings about reproduction based upon his experience having a vagina, confused the congressman when they were met with push back from the other Republican brain trusts at front and center stage. Oh, there was blowback, and backpedaling, hypocrisy, and inanity. Mitt Romney rode in on a sperm whale from Nova Scotia and said that the comments were “insulting, inexcusable, and, frankly, wrong.” Then he gave a great bellow and swam away hoping to hide from tax return questions.
Realizing that it wouldn’t be enough damage control as Akin’s assertions about bespelled lady labia magic caught fire and made the world scream and point at the GOP like the archaic Handmaid’s Tale clan it is — it would be a Romney/Ryan spokesperson who would indicate that a Romney/Ryan administration would allow abortion in cases of rape – despite Ryan’s documented record to the contrary. Those times include when he and beer buddy, Akin, partnered on the ‘Personhood’ Bill which defines life at fertilization and would incur criminal charges in the cases of abortion, and even use of an IUD because it could stop the act of conception. (World continues to scream.)
Akin, forever jackass and sniveling Igor to Paul Ryan’s Frankenstein, when clarifying his statements for the first time said what he really meant to say was “forcible rape,” the approved Paul Ryan redundant nomenclature that has an entirely separate meaning from the popular breakfast cereal, Blueberry Rapes, or the more well known, party rapes, or rapes that occur in poppy fields, or rapes that sing Disney songs from inside an enchanted teapot.
So when all the blueberry rape hit the fan late yesterday afternoon the “Cover Your Ass” GOP teams decided that Akin would just have to go. Not because his maniacal ramblings and heartily insane commentary was particularly incongruous to the GOP ideology, but because he opened his stupid trash pail of a mouth before he got elected. And now he’s making everyone look stupid, and moronic, and like a bunch of turn of the century, shoeless moonshiners talking about magic uteruses, tobackky dip, and fun times at the flea circus. So a whole bevy of GOPers want him to resign by 5pm today. The list includes, senator John Cornyn, the head of the National Republican Senatorial Committee, which provides funding for candidates, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, Sen. Ron Johnson, R-Wis., Sen. Scott Brown, R-Mass., and even, Republican toe boil, Sean Hannity. The calls for his withdrawal come complete with threats of being cut off from funding for the duration of his senate bid.
But still it seems Akin will soldier on. He’s digging in his heels, y’all. Nevermind the embarrassment it’s causing the party. Well, that’s nothing new when you have congressmen drinking and skinny dipping in the Sea of Galilee, or when you have this ridiculous bug-eyed terrorism junkie thinking the Muslim Brotherhood hides in her slippers at night. (See, Todd, you say the cray-cray shit when you’re already a senator.)
By staying in the race you can only wonder what he’s thinking.
It must be that it’ll all blow over. Now that the GOP has appeared contrite enough in their temporary condemnation of Akin, they’ll now just treat him like a wayward cousin who they love, even if they don’t let him fondle the turkey during holiday gatherings, but who they’ll support in his Go Kart races and hot dog eating contests — just as long as it’s on record that they think he’s ten pieces short of the replica Ronald Reagan master puzzle. Sort of like the dog who shits on the floor, but they’ll still let sleep on the bed because he doesn’t know any better.
And who will this surprise? No one. After all, look at who we’re talking about here. Closing ranks and protecting the dullards and the crackpots is something the GOP does best. We’ll see if the GOP sticks to the script or makes a move to remove him by Sept. 25 via a petition to the court.
Update
Yesterday Mitt Romney was just shy of saying Todd Akin should drop out of the race, this afternoon he made it official.
“As I said yesterday, Todd Akin’s comments were offensive and wrong and he should very seriously consider what course would be in the best interest of our country,” said Romney in a statement. “Today, his fellow Missourians urged him to step aside, and I think he should accept their counsel and exit the Senate race.”
Is this an indication of how badly Mitt does not want to discuss abortion when he believes his key to securing the White House remains with jobs and the economy? We think it is.
Update: 6:50pm
Whelp, that’s it. Akin is definitely staying in the race. He believes that those who called for him to step down, which would include Mitt Romney, are overreacting.
“I guess my question is: Is there a matter of some justice here?” Akin asked. After his original statement, “all of a sudden, overnight, everybody decides, `Well, Akin can’t possibly win.’ Well, I don’t agree with that.”
“I hadn’t done anything morally or ethically wrong, as sometimes people in politics do,” Akin said. “We do a lot of talking, and to get a word in the wrong place, still, that’s not a good thing to do, or to hurt anybody that way, it does seem like a little bit of an overreaction.”
He’s going with the “misspoke defense” it would seem claiming that he misspoke “one word in one sentence on one day.”
Oh, that’s all it was, Todd. Sure. It wasn’t about a whole Republican platform that would see the end to abortion and call women liars by pulling a phony rape card. WE HAVE YOU SO MISUNDERSTOOD!
Anyway, the ball is in Missouri’s court, literally, probably. Maybe not, you know how these things go. We’ll just have to wait and see.
Image: Source
