I’d like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony. I’d also like for people to stop being such filthy nasties on Craigslist. Personally, I think the possiblity of world peace brought on by our shared love of caramel-colored obesity juice is more likely.
So why don’t we embrace our trashy side and dig deep into the twisted cavern of human psychosis that is Craigslist. Let’s get to the fuckery!
Craigslost is NSFW. There are no obscene photos, however.
Looking for amatuer strippers or just wanna try it – m4m – 36 (cobb)
Date: 2012-07-13, 3:22AM EDT
Reply to: [email protected]
I am a str8 male first and foremost. Im not curious or bi what so ever. Now that I got that out of the way. I went to see that magic mike movie. But I always wanted to try to be a stripper one time or another. Well in aug there is a big bbw bash basically there will be alot of big girls there. Well I was thinking of putting on a show like they did in the movie. Now you dont have to have a perfect body what so ever. This is all for fun might make a couple of dollars out of it. So If any guy is wanting to try this out let me know email me back with the info. And If your gay I dont mind if you wanna try it so im open to all types doesnt matter black or white. If this goes well then we can meet up and work on a routine so let me know.
- Location: cobb
- it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 3117908319
Bots: I’m not curious or bi or whatever… just a big fan of Magic Mike.
Slim: Okay, maybe he’s not bi, but he’s definitely “curious” if he saw Magic Mike alone.
Bots: What the hell is a “big bbw bash.” I am aware from my extended Craigslist psycho-mining that BBW = fat chick, but do big girls have their own out-of-town conventions? Are skinny bitches shunned from such events? Also I find it hilarious that he “might make a few dollars out of it.” Only men would ever strip for free.
Slim: As a skinny bitch (what, y’all thought “Slim” was just a random coincidence?) I AM OFFENDED. I do love the idea of a traveling “BBW Bash” though. Like, a bunch of big girls getting together in every city for no other reason than to just shake dat ass and make it rain on some busted male strippers.
I’m looking to meet with someone who’s pregnant – m4w – 20 (Lawrenceville)
Date: 2012-07-13, 5:04PM EDT
Reply to: [email protected]
Pregnancy has always fascinated me, but i’m unable to get out much.
Inspite of that I usually take a walk around 6:00 pm, and I go to the bruster’s on suwanee road,it’s the perfect place and time for me to meet up with someone.
I’ll send my pic, then you send yours.
Please put ‘pregnant’ in subject so I know your real.
I hope to hear from you soon! 🙂
- Location: Lawrenceville
- it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 3137572303
Bots: These guys just don’t quit. STOP CREEPING ON PREGGO CHICKS AT THE BRUSTER’S CREAMERY ICE CREAM SHOP, CRAZIES.
Slim: I’m sorry, hold the damn phone. “Pregnancy has always fascinated me, but i’m unable to get out much?!” Never mind the fact that you’re posting this on the Internet, a place where there’s plenty of information and pictures of pregnant women.
This is some Norman Bates shit. Sure now you’re just eye-fucking pregnant ladies at the local Bruster’s but I think we all know how this ends.
bully friend wanted – m4m – 42 (Atlanta)
Date: 2012-07-15, 7:01PM EDT
Reply to: [email protected]
I’m looking for a male friend who is interested in having me at his feet. I’m not looking for anything sexual at all. A straight friend would be perfect, but a gay or bi guy would be just as good since this has nothing to do with sex. I just want a friend who is comfortable with hanging out – me being his foot rest. Very serious.
- Location: Atlanta
- it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 3141594976
Bots: From the THIS IS NOT AT ALL GAY files comes yet another deeply conflicted Cragislist closet case. Next time I’m chillin’ with my buddies, I’m going to ask them if I can be their foot rest — it has nothing to do with sex!
Slim: Too bad I just bought a new sofa and ottoman. If only I had know there were furniture fetishists out there. Think of all the money I could have spent at the strip club saved!
slave for female cops – m4w
Date: 2012-07-15, 5:25PM EDT
Reply to: [email protected]
slave would like to serve female cops discreely,
- it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 3137395856
Slim: Someone really took Lil Wayne’s lyrics to heart. OooOOooo!
Bots: Now we’re cookin’ with gas! Who doesn’t adore female police officers? I saw the cutest one ever at the Philadelphia airport once. Officer Lashonda, if you’re reading this, call me.
Kick in the Nuts – m4w – 30 (Atlanta)
Date: 2012-08-05, 10:34AM EDT
Reply to: [email protected]
I am a 30 year old, fit, attractive, 160lb, blonde hair, blue eyed, submissive male. Looking for a woman that would like to hit my nuts. (No I am not crazy, and yes, I know what I am doing.) This could be for stress relief, or just for fun, and anything from kicking to kneeing or punching.Keywords: Kick, balls, nuts, knee, ballbusting, kicking
- Location: Atlanta
- it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 3181068729
Bots: Another week, another terrifying ad from a sack-punch fetishist. Every single man ever has at one time or another felt the sheer horribleness of a kick or punch or flying baseball to the groin. It completely blows my mind that anyone finds that feeling sexy.
Slim: It amazes me that men think they have to troll the seedy underbelly of Craiglists for this. If you’re a 30-year-old dude you probably have at least one or two ex-girlfriends who would be more than willing to kick your dick off.
Bots: I know I do!
Wanted : Fag Hag – m4w – 35 (Dawsonville / Cumming Area)
Date: 2012-08-04, 8:14PM EDT
Reply to: [email protected]
Recent Alpharetta transplants to the middle of God’s Country here in Dawsonville.About Fags:
Employed Fags with a car and decent amount of free time. Annual income > $100k per year. Fags are happily partnered and likes to play with other fags at times. However have had no success finding men of substance on Craigslist.
Two fags here enjoy photography, urban exploration (read: trespassing), music, art, food and bad movies.Duties would include:
Laughing at our jokes
Watching bad movies
Exploring abandoned houses and factories.
Checking out hot guys
Providing approval on possible casual encounter candidates when my partner and I want another to join us
Leaving as soon as the hottie arrives
Smoking and providing pot
Providing a shoulder for crying (as needed)Ideal candidate would possess some or all of the following qualities:
A car
Loud annoying voice
Sympathy with a strong streak of vindictiveness
Masculinity beyond which I posses
Offers good advice while never taking her own
The need to protect her Fags from violence by str8 men in this area (typically while beating her Fags for getting into the mess in the first place)Overweight/Ginger/Lesbian tendencies to the front of the line.Auditions by appointment only.
Thanks,
Fags in need of a Hag
- Location: Dawsonville / Cumming Area
- it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 3184542316
Bots: I’m sure they’ll get lots of applicants for this. It is a tough job market out there.
Slim: I’m gonna need to go back to that line about exploring “abandoned houses and factories.” When did gay guys turn into the Hardy Boys?
my dear smoothie boy – m4m – 24 (noho)
Date: 2012-07-08, 5:54PM EDT
Reply to: [email protected]
Saw you working again today. I often find myself lost in your rhythmic motions as you make drinks. I tried to approach you on your break but you seemed busy. This is a long shit but I’d like to see you sometime when you aren’t working.
- Location: noho
- it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 3126787275
Slim: So many of these are about creeping on people while they’re at work or out and about. Have you ever stopped to wonder how many people have had creepy Craiglists thoughts about you?!
On second thought, I wish I hadn’t stopped to wonder.
Bots: I have a hard time believing this really went down in the “noho” neighborhood.
The Mouth is back in Town 9&10th – m4m – 46 (Dntwn Tampa)
Date: 2012-08-08, 7:58PM EDT
Reply to: [email protected]
Just a visiting cock sucker here, love to suck cock, large and thick, balls licked, rimm ass if clean. Fem and CD welcomed. I am 46 so if you are looking for a twink or gym bunny I am not it, I am a gentleman, str8, who love so suck cock. I will be in Tampa 9&10 will be visiting the Rainbow Cabret, if you prefer to hook up there. I get off on getting you off.Send cock pictrure and phone. I will be in hotel on Cass St.
- Location: Dntwn Tampa
- it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 3187770541
Bots: In a moment of divine inspiration, I decided to venture outside of my normal Atlanta-based Craigslist gimp dungeon. I wanted to find some fresh listings… but what city would provide me with that certain je ne sais quois high-on-bath-salts vibe that Craigslost requires? Ah, TAMPA. Have you ever been to Tampa? It’s like a city full of former Real World cast members, mixed with a few lost Cubans who made a wrong turn on the way to Miami, and Skinny Pete and Badger from Breaking Bad. So of course this was literally the first ad I opened.
Slim: To understand Florida, you need to understand there is a Mason-Dixon Line of sorts. Anything between the GA/FL line and St. Petersburg is I-knocked-up-my-first-cousin-and-now-I-smoke-meth-out-of-a-lightbulb-during-my-lunch-break-at-Sizzler Cracker Country and in Cracker Country ANYTHING GOES. (Why do you think they put Xenu’s headquarters there?)
Bots: There are at least 11 or 12 different things I love about this ad. There’s the awful ball-tickler mustache, the thin-ass gold chains straight out of 1992, the fact that this photo appears to have been shot down at the planning office of town hall, the Situation-esque nickname he’s given himself, the ad title that reminds me of a certain Thin Lizzy song and of course the suspiciously emphatic protestations of just how not-gay he is.
Slim: I give him points for taking his deep-throating advice from Lil Kim, but I’m deducting points for his use of “Str8.” C’mon! The dude you’re rimming is never going to respect you if you spell like a sk8r boi!
