Whether in the wee hours of the morning or the late nights of Adult Swim, 2D beauties have graced our TVs for as long as we can remember. But we don’t have to be shallow just because they lack a dimension. These toons’ brains, hearts, and occasional super powers give them depth beyond the flat screen.
Six sexy sketches after the jump.
Trent, Daria
Unmotivated, unwashed, and a habitual smoker. Trent’s the too-old-for-you boyfriend your parents hate. But his sex appeal isn’t in his hacking cough-laugh, his soul patch, or even his tribal tattoo (I hear he got it out of a magazine.) It’s that you know, underneath all that grime, Trent’s super deep. The sensitive poet inside is just longing to profess his love in cynical verse. Plus, he’s in a band.
Crysta, FernGully: The Last Rainforest
Possibly the O.G. Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Crysta literally is a pixie. But she’s not content to be solely a bikini-clad device through which our hero reaches newly-enlightened consciousness; she’s an environmental activist, taking down Hexxus, the enemy of rain forests and all things nature. She’s basically the hot PETA ad girl of cartoons.
Fry, Futurama
Who doesn’t love a ginger? Especially one that makes his own hair gel? True, Fry isn’t usually lauded for his snu-snu prowess, but there’s an underlying sexiness to his sweet pursuit of Leela. If rearranging the very stars in the sky or taking a giant bee stinger to the chest all in the name of love don’t do it for you, he’s a musician to boot, who learned to play the notoriously difficult holophoner just to impress the object of his affection. (Watch out, Trent.)
Molotov Cocktease, The Venture Brothers
You know the Cold War is over when Molotov Cocktease is heating things up in our capitalist wasteland. A virtuous vixen, Molotov rocks a chastity belt that could rival Maid Marian’s. Besides some rather obvious assets, and perhaps inventing the world’s strongest double-sided tape, she possesses impressive cunning and enough physical prowess to dent an iron curtain.
Captain Planet, Captain Planet
It’s important to find a partner who cares about things so you don’t have to. While you sit on your Styrofoam couch, eating your high-fructose smog burger out of a non-recyclable plastic bag, he’s off saving the world one corrupt oil magnate at a time. Plus, who doesn’t love a well-coiffed Euro Mullet? Go Planet? More like “Ohhhh Planet!”
April O’Neil, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Who needs heroes in a half shell when you’ve got a heroine in a yellow jumpsuit? Fashion-forward investigative reporter April O’Neil’s inquisitive nature and quest for truth make her the television reporter you can pine after all through the 24-hour cable news cycle.
Honorable Mentions
She-Ra: Brings new meaning to Girl Power. But she’d cut a bitch for objectifying her like this.
Princess Jasmine and Aladdin: Embody the definition of Power Couple the shining, shimmering, splendid world over.
Which other characters made getting up for early-morning cartoons worth it?
