Oh, Maryland. You make us laugh and laugh. License plates are obviously just for the car owner’s amusement. No one should actually have to see them and have an opinion, or maybe be arrested for each super, special, brain-gasm that comes tumbling out of an owner’s head and lands on the butt of their vehicle.
Maryland says you can put whatever you want on your vanity license plate unless it’s one of 4,000 words, phrases or letter-number combinations the Motor Vehicle Administration has on its Objectionable Plate List.
The words that have made it onto the crazy license plate censor list (Philistines!) are a mix of vulgarities, obscenities, and we’re guessing some of the dumbest things to ever be thought of as a calling card for one’s car.
The banned list includes “common sense” plate denials. In the case of HEROIN and KILLALL, a MVA employee made the decision to deny the request for both vanity plates due to their obvious stupidity, and the legal ramifications, which probably saved the driver from turning their car into a billboard that screamed, “Law Enforcement Officer Pull Me Over. I’m A Nut.” We’re hoping the decision was made well after these individuals left the building.
Tags have been denied if they contain scatological or sexual meaning; use curse words, epithets or obscenities; carry a “fraudulent or deceptive purpose,” as in using FBI OR CIA in the tag, or referred to illegal acts, conveyed messages about a group’s race, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation or disability. In addition, sometimes the inmates at Maryland Correctional Enterprises who make the plates will call in and say that a person’s plate uses a combination of two banned items, i.e. a drug reference and a sexual reference. The Baltimore Sun reports that this could be something that at first glance reads as innocuous, but could mean something more. For instance, 6ULDV8. A jumble of letters and numbers or (yikes!) does it say “sexual deviant?” This seems like the worst game of “upside-down calculator spelling” ever.
There is one tag, however, that may get released from the banned list, and that’s ALLAH. The MVA admits that it was an oversight and should not have been included.
Yet, some things have slipped through over the years, including WTF, AHHWTF, and LOLWTF, on the grounds that it’s a commonly abbreviated profane statement. Also, PHATAZZ and BAD AZZ, have made it to vanity plate superstardom. Maybe as long as you’re talking about your own assets it’s not as offensive perhaps? We’re assuming if it said, “URNAZZ”, maybe that would’ve gotten the ban flag.
Here are a few others that have been issued despite obvious reasons:
THEPUKE (Really? THEPUKE? There are just no words.)
FATPIMP
FATAL
BUTTS
SUX2BU
And here are a few that didn’t make the cut.
TOILET
SAFESEX
PIMP
CHUMP
BUNS
So, FATPIMP, fine, but PIMP, crosses the line. Got it. Maybe if you’re calling yourself a FATPIMP, that’s just a bit sad and maybe you need the self-esteem boost?
We imagine this isn’t a perfect science.
