Could choosing to co-parent without messy love entanglements, the specter of a bad relationship, or hell, even bad sex, be the ultimate way to redefine the modern family?
New website Modamily.com seems to think so.
Just like the new movie Friends with Kids starring Kristin Wiig and Jennifer Westfeldt, Modamily.com says that anyone can find a platonic co-parent for your impending offspring.
Hailed as the “next big thing” in online match-ups, the, free for now, website pairs couples interested in “co-parenting” arrangements, and touts its mission as assisting in, “The shared raising of a child between two loving, committed, and financially secure adults.” CEO and founder Ivan Fatovic, a former Hollywood talent director who also worked in finance has this to say:
“We are for people who are gay, straight, anyone ready to have a child and hasn’t found someone to do it in the traditional means.”
“It’s a trend that’s happening in the rest of the world. If [love and marriage] don’t happen, people end up marrying someone they’re not crazy about and get divorced in a few years,” he said. “In two out of three divorces, a child is involved. When a child is introduced, the mom and dad don’t get along and are fighting with each other. My thinking is that we can find two people that put the child first.”
It is an interesting concept, but does it eradicate the potential of bringing up a child in a dysfunctional environment without creating other more complex issues? Is Fatovic right? Given that half of all U.S. marriages end in divorce, is forming a sexless union healthier for the child, or could it trigger confusion and feelings of displacement later on?
Without a doubt we are a society that has evolved its sense of “family” to include what would be considered “non-traditional structures” without as much knee-jerk additions of the belittling labels “normal” or “abnormal” onto the family dynamic, but how much do the relationships we have with our partners really come into play with regard to the social and emotional development of our children? Experts say, “Couples who enjoy romance and sex are important models for developing children,” which brings up the question of how they would fare in their thinking about similar issues. Will they believe that marriage is an outdated concept, or will it create an environment where marriage and family are put on a pedestal, or would they possibly just look at co-parenting as a life-choice not unlike any other?
Some skeptics have taken it further and are questioning “value” before even discussing “outcome” and have raised the issue of “trophy children” and the potential for thinking of this option as a way to cultivate “perfect human beings.”
There is a perceived notion, especially in the celebrity world, of the existence of “accessory children.” It may be too early to tell if the media could relegate this as some sort of watered down celebrity-type procreative tooling. Is there arrogance involved? The difference here may be that this does not supplant the act of impregnation or walking into a clinic to find the best “sperm” or trying to genetically alter a child in a clinical sense. No more so than agreeing to date, or agreeing to marry and a pregnancy occurs. This seems to be more about taking it a step further by choosing not to be a single parent in order to raise a child if you don’t want a spouse along for the ride. It may not be wholly the same as a “PR produced match-up fit to advance celebrity.” It is literally about hand-picking a babymama or daddy.
Underneath it all, though, is the notion of attempting to raise a child with someone that you don’t know, you don’t have history with, and who you’ll need to work very hard with on communication, values, goals, and a myriad other things that exist, ludicrous? Those in opposition are concerned about what it says about religion, parenting, and the sanctity of marriage.
“It’s a bad idea and I don’t like it. Those arrangements are not only “terrible for the kids,” but also bad for the parents,” said Juli Slattery, psychologist for Christian organization, Focus on the Family. “[Co-partners] underestimate the amount of commitment and work it is to raise kids together. They have to agree on things like faith, nutrition and schooling. It’s very stressful, and the marriage bond makes it easier.”
“Having children puts stresses on even the happiest couples, according to Slattery, and those who think that children “are the only glue” in a relationship “live in fairytale land.”
That’s not to say that it couldn’t work per se. Whether it should is another argument. According to the founder, we live in a world full of, “quickie-clock-ticker marriages and resulting divorces.” Whether true or not, the site has already racked up 20,000 visitors in its one week of operation. It’s interesting to note that 70 percent of those visits were from heterosexual men in their 40s and 50s. Uh-huh, so it’s not just a bunch of women sitting around pondering the state of their eggs.
At the very least, the takeaway may be that as people become much clearer about what they want, and what they do not, technology and by extension, users, are able to adapt with the goal of redefining their lives to work the best for them, and truthfully, perhaps in ways we haven’t before considered. The notion of “trying to have it all” may be more pervasive than once thought.
So what do you think? Great idea, or too complicated to even fathom?
