Indiana State Senator Dennis Kruse does not believe in Evolution. Unlike most of us, who just influence those in our direct company, Senator Kruse has a larger mouthpiece. He wrote a bill about it. Senate Bill 89, in its original text, calls for the teaching of “Creation Science” alongside Evolution. The version of the bill that passed “Provides that the governing body of a school corporation may require the teaching of various theories concerning the origin of life. Requires the curriculum for the course to include theories from multiple religions.” I’m guessing they amended the bill because the 1987 Supreme Court case Edwards v Aguillard ruled that the teaching of “Creation Science” was favorable toward one religion. Those of you who got through the first two paragraphs of the Constitution know that’s a no-no.
Kruse is rather optimistic though. As quoted in this article, he says, “This is a different Supreme Court. This Supreme Court could rule differently.” Because everybody knows that the Supreme Court is pretty whimsical. Although to help grease the wheels, he wants to include Jewish teachings, Christian teachings (here’s a little bit of trivia for you: their teachings on this come from the same book), Islam (whaaaaa?), and Scientology. I’m all for everyone believing what they want, but Scientology? The people the Mormons make fun of? I’m sure if the Heaven’s Gate people had any opinion on the matter he’d want that thrown in, too. But just to make sure nobody misunderstands what he really wants, Senator Kruse said, “I believe in creation and I believe it deserves to be taught in our public schools.”
He also refers to evolution as a “Johnny-come-lately” theory that has gained ground in the last hundred years or so, whereas “Creation Science” has been around for eons. ‘Cause, you know, that’s how science works: Seniority. That’s why gravity isn’t more accepted by the general populace than the idea that the Earth is flat. It’s also the reason the heliocentric model of the solar system hasn’t gotten out of committee yet. Evolution’s popularity has risen in the last hundred years, because that’s when Darwin came up with it. Before that, the two main ideas were “We Came From Some Clay And A Rib” and “I Dunno.”
You’ll notice that every time I mention “Creation Science,” I put it in quotes. It’s a new thing I’m trying. It’s called “Let’s put oxymoronic phrases in quotes!” Because attaching the word “Science” to something like “Creation” implies that it is science. It implies that it was placed through the rigors of the Scientific Method and came out the other side successfully. If you believe in Creation, that’s fine. I don’t care. When you start to call it science, then I give a shit, because there are very strict parameters for what gets to be called science.
I will grant the Senator one thing: Evolution does have its weaknesses when describing the origin of life. But that’s because Evolution DOESN’T FUCKING EXPLAIN THE ORIGIN OF LIFE. It explains how single-celled organisms turned into a guy sitting at his MacBook all pissed off that a jackass who has no idea how science works is making decisions on behalf of schools in a state. It doesn’t say how the single-celled organisms got there in the first place.
The bill passed the Senate with 28 yeas and 22 nays. Its next step is to go before the House, where its chances seem pretty good, because the Speaker of the House is one of the bill’s co-sponsors. So, in the future, maybe hold off on hiring scientists who graduated from Notre Dame.
