We had a good time, once upon a time, playing the Smug Parenting Game. How about a rematch? Here are some additional scoring parameters:
- + 50 points if you have never served your children any kind of sculpted chicken product
- -15 points if you know the day that they change the McDonald’s Happy Meal toys
- -35 if your kids have ever said “This house looks like crap!”
- +28 if your kids can’t work the remote control by the time they are 3
- -215 if you let your kids watch more than 7 hours of TV a day
- -82 if you consider apple juice a vegetable
- +52 if your child will eat anything green (not counting green Skittles and green M&Ms)
- -93 if you have ever let your child have a cookie for breakfast
- -72 if you use wine medicinally (for yourself)
- -812 if you give it to the kids
- -19 if your kids think milk only comes in strawberry or chocolate flavor
- -275 if you can only think of “minus” ideas for this list
- +12 if your child has ever watched anything on PBS
- -63 if you’ve ever tried to sell pizza as health food because there may be tomato sauce in it
- +32 if you have ever heard the words “Montessori” or “Waldorf”
- +47 if your kids know where the library is
I’m just going to point out, for the record, that it’s WAY easier to lose points than gain points. Such is the beauty of parenting.
