Smugness is a key tool in modern parenting. You can’t be any kind of effective parent if you don’t feel morally superior to the parents around you. The good news is that through the right methodologies, you can increase your smugness “account balance”. There’s no need to settle for off-the-cuff parenting when you can lord your superior decisions over other parents.
Your smugness score is based on many factors. Here are some point guidelines. The higher your score, the better your standing among the Smug Parents of the world. Be careful! You can easily lose points by making bad decisions.
Childbirth
- Natural childbirth +11
- Natural childbirth at home in a tub +23
- Freebirth +37
- Epidural during childbirth -8
- Emergency c-section -11
- Elective c-section -114
Vaccinations
- Selective vaccinations +3
- No vaccinations +10
Feeding
- Breastfeeding for more than 2 years +30
- Breastfeeding for 1 year +15
- Breastfeeding a highly allergic child who reacts to your diet and requires you to eat nothing but pears and free-range chicken for the child’s entire first year +31
- Making your own baby food from organic produce +19
- Formula feeding -15
Acquisition
- Adoption not prompted by fertility problems +41
- Foreign adoption from third world country +76
Poop
- Cloth diapering +23
- eDiapers +13
- Elimination communication +42
- Disposable diapers -35
Education
- Homeschooing +12
- Unschooling +27
- School co-op with hippie neighbors +27
Sleeping
- Co-sleeping with child in a “family bed” +71
- Letting the baby/toddler sleep in the same room as the parents +32
- Letting the child cry it out -129
I will continue to monitor the situation and keep you abreast of any modifications and/or changes. I am considering a second column on smug pregnancy. Any suggestions are welcome.
