Well, no one’s going to object to Chris Pine and Tom Hardy parading around being all hot and macho and stuff in a movie talkie about blowing things up and flexing their tattooed biceps will they? Certainly not. Will it matter that the movie premise is the dumbest thing ever? NO WAY! Chris Pine and Tom Hardy will be walking sex sticks wrapped in orgasm butter, which means there’s at least a 75% chance one or both will be naked before this stupid thing ends! Woot!
Okay, so Pine and Hardy are CIA agents who find out that they’re dating the same girl. And that girl is Reese Witherspoon, who hasn’t aged at all, and is now doing these sort of fluff-berry, cotton candy brain-palsy films since her Oscar is basically a dining utensil. Fertubulous! The two guys decide to make the whole dating thing a challenge to see who can win Witherspoon’s affections by basically using all sorts of covert ops to stop the other from succeeding. No one saw that coming! C’mon really?
Yup, Tom Hardy blows up a plane! Chris Pine jumps off a building in a Tom Cruise Xenu suit! They’re using their rippling muscles to fight one another in a restaurant! Yawr, it’s this kind of movie. We’ve seen this yarn a gazillion times before, so they should really just call this what it is…ROMANTIC COMEDY STARRING HUNKY GUYS FOR YOU WOMEN-LADIES TO SEE WITH YOUR GIRLFRIENDS.
A refugee from The Monster Squad, Chelsea Handler’s petrified mummy also co-stars as some sort of fast talking crazy person, and for some reason they really want you to know that the movie premieres on President’s Day, which naturally is the day mediocre movies about obnoxious things are released. “Celebrate Abraham Lincoln with a Slurpee and a box of milk duds while you fart yourself into a coma at the Cineplex!” Great marketing choice.
Anyway, everyone, everywhere should see this! Maybe! No, not really. Find something better to do on February 17, 2012.
