Welcome to another Republican Debate live blog! Tonight we are in Tampa, FL an appropriately crazy place for some crazy candidates. Tonight’s debate is cosponsored by CNN and The Tea Party Express. I guess the Tea Party is not as averse to The Lamestream Media as they pretend to be. Maybe they just wanted a little attention.
Tonight’s cast of shame includes Michele Bachmann, Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, Jon Huntsman, Ron Paul, Rick Perry, Mitt Romney, and Rick Santorum. Look for more sparks between Perry and Romney with Michele Bachman trying to jump in and still look relevant. Newt, Soul Pizza, and Huntsman (zzzz), will hope that at the end of the night Americans will remember they are running. Ron Paul is Ron Paul. He doesn’t give a fuck, you fascists.
The day after 9/11 should make for a good backdrop of counter-productive hysteria about national security and terrorism and the jobs bill guarantees lots of comments about the economy that sound like a C level freshman Econ paper. I recommend turning to the drink. Speaking of which here are the home game drinking rules.
- Mentions of how Romney fired people-1 drink
- Ponzi Scheme-1 drink
- Socialist-1 drink
- 2nd amendment under assault-1 drink + one shot
- Regulation is strangling the economy-1 drink + 1 itemized tax deduction
- Sharia Law-no drinks the Mooslims are going to take that away
This ought to be interesting. The Tea Party Express sponsorship should add a shrill quality that the debates have lacked so far. Because that is just what America needs right now. Does an empire falling ever make a sound?
Jesus, the pregame show was awful. GO away Erick, your a moron.
HERE WE GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
So, who made this candidate profile video? They need some help from the NFL.
Yes, Wolf, CNN is awesome.
The Tea Party activists will be participating. Please tell me at least one has an assault rifle to make sure Nobama won’t take their guns.
Now that we have had the cage match introductions, let’s get to it.
#teamsoulpizza
Stand up you commies, it’s the national anthem!
Wolf was a little condescending with the instructions. Coastal elites, pfft.
And Bachman can’t follow directions.
9/12: Everybody drinks!
First “activist.” Actually a damn reasonable question. Go tea dude, go!
So I don’t get SS, but it’s ok olds, you will.
Ponzi Scheme, drink!
Romney hits hard.
Come on Perry, stop being a wus. End it or no? Mittens is on his ass.
Perry does the total, “I can’t believe I have to defend my position” look that W had.
Oooo Perry for a cheap burn.
Man, Wolf is really make them work the geriatric vote tonight. The grandparents must have found CNN on Twitter.
Give me more Ron Paul. I love crazy grandpa even though he just said we should dissolve social security.
Again, it’s fine olds. You’ll get yours, we are just going to burn the bridge on our way out.
Huntsman makes a Kurt Cobain reference (and a somewhat obscure one). I am calling him the winner now.
Newt brings down the house, but is to inept to work it.
He defends social security! EAT IT, BITCHES!
Rick Santorum: It’s all about him.
Newt, you balanced the budget under Bill Clinton.
Oh sure, it’s just waste. Laziest budget tactic ever.
Throwing grandma off a cliff deserves a drink. Do it.
By the way, if we are discussing social security, let me just take a moment to tell the Baby Boomers to fuck off. You guys had every advantage, but you are making sure no one else gets a single scrap of benefit for our tax dollars. You are the most selfish and embarrassing generation in human history. We are going to stick every one of you in shitty nursing homes.
Regards,
The Grand Inquisitor
Personal responsibility, drink!
And we’re back.
Poor Reed Richards. So reasonable, yet so doomed.
Uh-Oh, Wolf is getting all “facty” about the economy. And Bachman defends the stupid debt ceiling.
Throw out the tax code! I am sure that won’t have tons of horrific, unintended consequences.
Oh Mitt, you are starting to act like the little girl who wants a pony.
Kill all the lawyers. Drink.
YES! I love when Grandpa makes them eat it on Iraq.
Christ, enough of Perry and Mittens. I want more fringe.
My roommate just let out the best scream of exaggeration at Newt. I have to agree. Also, Ronnie, drink!
You passed welfare reform under Clinton, Newt. Maybe he should endorse Hillary.
Soul Pizza is pro-worker even though he pays thousands of workers minimum wage. That’s rich.
This country needs more workers? HUH?
Scooter in the front row!!!! DRINK!
Anyone else catch the Gadsen flag in the graphic? Freaky.
The Fed question is a trap for Ron Paul.
Oh Michele, she was against the bail out before it was cool.
Because alienating the Fed would make sure we had a stable economy. Also, Perry, believe it or not people who work for the fed are just doing their job.
More from the tea party: Fair tax? Ooooo. Super European. That woman is a communist plant.
Her name is GUN. Love it. Also, pretty good question.
I’m sorry, I tend to agree with crazy grandpa here. Executive orders are getting out of hand. Balance of powers anyone?
Ooooo. Perry burns, and Bachman burns back.
Obama care did not make health care expensive. We already had that. Soul Pizza, get serious.
Mitt Romney: no booze, lives in the desert, may be allowed to have multiple wives. Secret Muslim?
Freedom is all about getting to die! I love that people actually cheered the idea of letting sick people die. People are neat.
Michele, no one really cares about the Obama care trope any more, except a few old crazies. Find a new issue.
YES! National security and immigration are next. Break out your Korans!!!!
OK, 9/11 references will mean power drinking. Get a refill.
Was that question from a parrot head?
Boots on the ground? Does he mean XE? No thanks, Rick.
Twitter question. Drink.
In state tuition, that war criminal.
Rick perry gave the first sensible of answer of the night. He is doomed.
Rick Perry loves Mexicans!!!!
Treason!!!!! Finish the bottle!!!!!
I think that joke just finished Huntsman for the race. Let’s all take a moment to remember his candidacy.
SHUT UP, GUYS! It’s state’s rights!
Defense spending. Hold me. 9/11, drink.
Newt goes nuclear.
Ron Paul for the win! He is crazy, but he knows his Ike. This is the problem with Paul. He is totally right about this shit. He is the only one who will tell the truth about this, crazy or not.
Um, I think we were specifically attacked for our actions in Saudi Arabia. Haven’t they ever read the Bin Laden Wikipedia page?
Go Tea Party sister, with your question that actually matters.
Oh no, the “personal” questions.
Perry is getting laid tonight. He is one of the few Republicans in the country who will. BTW, clearly they had a copy of this question before hand.
Let’s do the Monday morning quarterback:
Mittens: Alive and kicking, lots of machismo tonight.
Perry: Clearly a dumbass, but Americans like that so he will stick around for a while.
Bachman: Meh.
Huntsman: Stick a fork in him, he’s done.
Herman Cain: I can see him fading away before my eyes.
Santorum: Who fucking cares?
Newt: No, Newt. Just, no.
Ron Paul: Can’t we give him a position as the chair of some monument committee?
Let’s all take a moment to honor my roommate who has heroically offered to go get more beer.
As usual, this was really fun. I want to thank everyone for participating. Courage.
