AMERICAN FOOTBALL IS BACK, DICKWAGONS. That means hard hitting, butt slapping, 3-4 defense, butt slapping, zone blocking, butt slapping, dreadlocks and butt slapping! After a bitter lockout and frenzied free agent season, the NFL kicks off (Wordplay, yo) the 2011 season with the defending Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers defending their cheese-encrusted tundra against the New Orleans Saints.
The NFL is the epitome of American culture. There is nothing subtle or muted about the sport. Every play is celebrated with a dance no matter the context, the pregame shows are packed with fake, unfunny jocks in their 40s. The owners and networks rake in billions of dollars in profits, yet the only people to catch shit are the athletes who are the ones actually getting concussed for entertainment.
There’s about 20 minutes of game play during a 3 hour telecast yet we view it as the most exciting, thrilling sport known to mankind. Why do we subject ourselves to such lunacy for only a smidgen of brilliant displays of athleticism? Because we’re true Americans, not some vagabond Real Madrid fan. Football combines our love for large, muscular men running into each other at full speed with gambling, having unnatural attachments to uniforms and arguing. Also, Faith Hill.
Gametime is at 8:30 EST on NBC, join me in the comments if you are not watching terrible reality TV.
