In Hollywood’s efforts to endlessly mine the rapidly decaying corpse of the 1980’s, movie execs have found yet another morsel to sink their teeth into. Sheesh. What the hell will be left by the end of all this? Frigging Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins?! Perhaps. Fred Ward and Wilford Brimley were heroes to some! No. Anyway, so yeah, Scarface, it’s your turn.
Somewhere, right now, thousands of college kids are screaming in their dorm rooms. They probably knocked over a black light, and something filled with bong water, but nonetheless news of a Scarface remake will probably hit them all pretty hard in that place where t-shirts with movie quotes reign supreme. Mostly because, how on earth can anyone else but Al Pacino play Tony Montana! This is probably a sacrilege. There may even be a protest…or they’ll think about a protest, and then roll over and sleep until 2pm. Whatever. Same Diff. We don’t know them! They really care about this!
Deadline reports that Universal is taking meetings with writers to put together a script that would take the film in a new direction. It won’t be a sequel, and it’s unclear what the ethnicity and geographical location this new “Tony” will belong to. Can we suggest perhaps Alaska? Cocaine, oil drum…oh, you get it. Heh.
For those unaware, the 1983 Scarface starring Al Pacino, Michelle Pfeiffer, Steven Bauer and Mary Elizabeth Mastrontonio was a bit controversial since there was an earlier version made in 1932 starring Ann Dvorak, George Raft and Boris Karloff where the main character was an Italian named Paul Muni who took over Chicago. The Brian De Palma-directed remake about a Cuban who cornered the cocaine trade in 1980s Miami was the first reboot so to speak, and fans of the original claimed the update was akin to heresy since the Howard Hughes produced original was considered a classic. Yes, there are fanboy hipsters for every era.
In this update the studio plans to meld the two films and create one where “an outsider, an immigrant, barges his way into the criminal establishment in pursuit of a twisted version of the American dream, becoming a kingpin through a campaign of ruthlessness and violent ambition.” Uh, huh. Oh, no there are no stories like that here. Why do I think the Tea Party would claim Obama is really the new Tony Montana?
Anyway, this is exhausting. You know, all the 80’s recycling. So far we’ve had a Clash of the Titans dud, a Conan the Barbarian disaster, a Fright Night mediocre snoozefest, and now we’re prepping for the release of that laughable looking cheese sandwich they’re calling a Footloose reboot, in theaters soon, as well as 21 Jump Street and Point Break remakes. Fantastic. So why not Scarface? Just why not? Let’s get it over with. Soon The Neverending Story! Soon. Falkor weeps for America.
Why now, though? Maybe…
Deadline reports that this signature line remains the biggest selling cell phone voice ringtone (That’s shocking. No, not really. And if this is your ringtone, like really your ringtone, you belong on a Jerk Alert list. That’s all I’m going to say about that). In addition Universal has also sold over 10 million DVD units of the movie worldwide.
So remake? Yeah, that’s why.
