Daily Archives: June 20, 2011

14 posts

Toilets And Cake – Managing The Disagreeable Task

I’ve often quoted Miss Manners on the subject of friendship: “Your best friend is the person who convinces you that the unbearable is in fact bearable because it is also funny.”  This post is dedicated to the indomitable Will Ortiz, who has seen me through the roller coaster of life with howls of roaring laughter.

Accomplishing a difficult and disagreeable task means different things to different people.  Some procrastinate and  zip through it at the last minute.  Others drag ass through the whole thing, bitching all the way.  I prefer a more balanced approach.  I call it Toilets And Cake.

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Big Production Gossip Links

Hold for Cecil B DeMille. HOLD EVERYTHING!!!
Hold for Cecil B DeMille. HOLD EVERYTHING!!!

Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? Oh what am I saying? If you can’t hear me, IT’S YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM, DOLLFACE!!! You’re fired.

Now peel me a grape. And get my lawyer in here. Bernie. No, the other Bernie. This Sid Korshak has to be taught a lesson: nobody pushes Cecil B. DeMille around! Now get my wheelchair. I feel like looking at the little people. I need a good laugh.

ISN’T THAT GRAPE READY YET???

No, NOT a red one. I only like the green ones. I hate Reds. While you’re running for your life to find me some green grapes, I’ll just loll here in my golden bathtub filled with tears freshly wrung from the pillows of virginal prom queens turned used-up chorines, and scrub my back with my souvenir loofah wrenched from the pinnacle of Sagrada Familia. God, I love Culture.

And baby, a semi-unfatted soy latte, half-caf. No foam. Three thirty second shots. Stirred clockwise three times by an ivory and unicorn-hair wand.

I’ll be here reading the trades.

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Monday Morning Headlines

Guten Morgen, everyone. It’s Monday so that means that news has officially started happening again and everyone at work will think you’re a real lush if you’re still talking about that awesome batch of sangria you made on Saturday. Not to worry, though, we’re here to help out with a quick shot of newsy goodness to get you on your way.

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