I want to start off by saying that I’m sorry about this post coming up late. And now that I’ve done that, I’ll admit that whatever yo, I had deadlines to deal with! I’m trying to get that damn degree.
Anyway, on to the show! I was pleasantly surprised! I thought the original song episode was going to be straight up balls but I guess I was wrong. It’s a good thing I didn’t place any bets on it or I’d be out of rent money. Oh who am I kidding, I’m broker than the Monopoly man on that sad card where his pockets are turned out. I don’t even have a soul to sell at this point. BUT I DIGRESS.
Season 2, Episode 16: Original Song
What I Learned
Dalton Academy loves singing entirely forgettable songs. Either that, or they make the songs forgettable. I think I’m gonna go with the former since their competition performance included a song that I’m too lazy to look up that has the lyric, I shit you not, “Too school for cool.” I nearly died of second-hand embarrassment. I NEARLY DIED.
Kurt is getting ever closer to maturing beyond babygay status! His Blaine and the Pips joke was on point and his mourning outfit for the Pavarotti bird was FIERCE. The only thing that would have made his outfit better would have
been a little bird skull charm rather than a human skull charm. But you know, he’s trying! He’s developing!
Kurt is the go-to for singing Beatles songs, apparently. Out of all of the singing he did in this episode, though, this was the only song that didn’t sound off because of his voice. What’s that called? Pitch? I don’t fucking know, I’m not musical, just judgey.
People still care about My Chemical Romance though I won’t pretend to understand why.
Blaine is like a handsome, friendly, goofy boarding school dictator. The Warblers do whatever he says and let him get all of the solos, probably because they are gay Hogwarts and he’s their alpha gay wizard dictator. I’m getting all of my teasing muddled, guys. Save me. All he needs is some epaulets on that uniform of his. Yessssss sir!
Puck can’t stop talking about his girl’s weight. Oh.
Quinn’s dating Finn because she wants to be prom queen. And then she gave the most depressing speech in the history of high school popularity, saying that she and Finn will stay there in Lame, Ohio and she’ll be a real estate agent and they’ll have kids or something. Oh hey Quinn, you forgot about the part where you don’t lose the baby weight and let your roots grow out and wear pastel-colored capris, and then Finn gets a beer gut and starts cheating on you with a woman missing a few teeth (don’t worry, they’re molars), and also one of your kids is transgendered and proud of it. Don’t worry, Quinn. You’ll be in a community of peers.
Quinn’s not very good at following through with her plans. What happened to playing Rachel’s best friend only to sabotage her?
New Directions always has the worst outfits, Jesus.
What I Haven’t Learned/Remaining Questions
Me, I’m always stuck on the funding. I don’t get it. Where did Will get that stack of brand new rhyming dictionaries, hmmmmmmmmmmm???? I want a very special episode that addresses where he gets all of this money. I see right through you, Will. It’s OK though, because I know where you can get help.
I haven’t learned why anyone would think “Aural Intensity” is a good glee club name. Every time I hear it, I giggle and make blow job jokes in my head. Now if THEY sang “Trouty Lips”…!
Who pulled out Paris Hilton’s Bedazzler and got busy with the god damn microphone? What’s next? Actually, that might be an improvement from their current competition outfits–prom on top, 14 year old Avril Lavigne fan on bottom.
Why hasn’t Sue been arrested yet? Assault!? I mean, she punched that drunk “I’m bored” lady for no reason! In front of hundreds of people! I really related to that I’m Bored lady and it makes me bitter at Her Tracksuitiness. I do the same deadpan “I’m bored” to my boyfriend when he talks about boring stuff like math, taxes, and his feelings (I’m bored just thinking about it!). Like, mid-sentence. See? That’s rude. BUT MY BOYFRIEND DOESN’T PUNCH ME. See the difference, Sue? Do you see?
Hey, remember when Glee was consistent? LOL SORRY I couldn’t help myself. Remember that time that Sue was principal and she was all butthurt about Kurt being bullied? Do you? Because apparently the writers don’t. Consistency is for losers.
Miscellany
Brittany saying that “My Headband” was her favorite song. Mad Brittany love here.
Santana’s “Trouty Lips” song. Always and forever. I want that song to play at my wedding, my funeral, when I have an abortion, when my cat has kittens, when I’m sexing (and sexting), etc. Actually, only if there’s an accompanying video. If not, then this is my second choice. Remember that, guys. I’m counting on you. Oh, and please tell my family that I’m an organ donor. You’ll be needing these ears of mine.
Kathy Griffin’s Christine O’Donnell thing was kind of funny I guess. Sorry, KG. We know you can do better.
Speaking of gay, boyfraaaaaaaaands! Kurt and Blaine! Blaine and Kurt! Klaine! Blurt! So yeah, they kissed, blah blah, though Blaine’s declaration of love was pretty fucking charming. Oh Blaine! My heart is aflutter.
And as always, if you want to feel better about your life vis-à-vis your lack of Glee devotion, check out the Klaine tag on Tumblr.
