Let’s set the scene. You agreed to watch your best friend’s bird while she went on a month-long trip. You didn’t have experience in caring for birds, but she made it clear that all you had to do was clean the cage, put out new food and water every day, and make sure her place was not freezing cold. Pretty simple, right? What you didn’t know is that the bird recently figured out how to open its cage door, and it liked to roam around her apartment. One day you came home, the bird flew out the front door over your head, hit the cold outdoor air and dropped like a stone to the ground. What to do, what to do?
Because this is your best friend, you’re going to make every effort to bring that bird back to life. You gather it up, run to the nearest vet and call a Code Blue! Unfortunately, the vet lets you know that this type of bird can’t stand cold weather, and it is dunzo. Thanks for playing, but it’s game over.
Your friend is still supposed to be gone a couple weeks. Do you wait to tell her or not? The right answer is to call her ASAP with the news. Prepare yourself, because she loved that bird, maybe more than she loves you. First, go over the facts. The bird was fine last night when you put the sheet over its cage. You opened the door this morning and the bird flew over your head to get outside. This isn’t something you would expect to happen and you were not prepared for the possibility.
Next, calm and center yourself and call your friend. Ask if she’s busy, and if this is a good time to talk. Sit down, and tell her you have some bad news. Do not be afraid to talk to her, and don’t rationalize that this will ruin her vacation. Just suck it up, put on your big girl pants and let her know what happened and how it happened. Let her know that you did everything you could think of to fix the situation, and that it wasn’t possible to make things right.
Here’s something you should not do – don’t try to shift any of the blame onto your friend. If she volunteers the info that her bird recently started wandering around her apartment at night, that’s fine, but she might be in shock or working through the seven stages of grief or just super duper mad at you right now. If she wants to yell at you, let her. Tell her you understand that she’s mad and sad, because she just lost someone very important to her. Don’t take anything she says right now personally.
Once she’s done venting, ask if there is anything else you can do to help right now. Let her know that of course you’ll continue watching her place, watering the plants and getting the mail. She doesn’t have to worry about that. Finally, tell her that her friendship means a lot to you and that you’re sincerely sorry for what happened.
There! You’ve ripped off the band-aid by telling your friend what happened, and you’ve apologized for your role in the incident. Don’t you feel better already? Finally, before you and your friend hang up, tell her that you’ll want to talk again soon, after she has had a chance to think about what happened. Give her time to process her loss and be prepared for more discussion before she decides whether or not she is willing to forgive you.
And a note about forgiveness – people make mistakes all the time. Admitting your mistake and offering to help fix it, while asking for forgiveness, is the adult thing to do. If your friend chooses not to forgive you, that is her decision, and she has to live with it. It’s not a reflection on you as a person if she decides to not allow you to make amends.
