Our dear CaptainSnarky recently posted an image of LL Cool J and Chris Dorner remarking on their resemblance and noting that he’d bang Dorner silly if he wasn’t, you know, a psycho killer.
Snark’s confession has prompted me to come out of the closet and share my deep dark secret. There are celebrities hated by most Crassies and probably most right thinking people, who make my naughty parts tingle. When others are slamming these celebrities, I sit quietly, maybe nodding as if in agreement, but inside I am thinking, I’d do him in a heartbeat. Who are these doods?
Russell Brand
Yes, he looks somewhat simian and sometimes resembles Charles Manson on a good day. But there is something about his cheeky, self-deprecating attitude that makes me giggle like a leetle school girl. I will forever love him for calling George W. Bush, “that retarded cowboy fella”, and making fun of the Jonas’ brother’s chastity rings on the MTV VMAs.
He has been upfront about his drug and sex riddled past and is now a vegan who raises money for substance abuse charities. He also suffered from bulimia and was a chubby teenager!
Harvey Levin
Harvey is the creator of probably the sleaziest celebrity gossip site in the world, TMZ.com. However, I first fell for him while watching the People’s Court, where he served as the legal analyst soliciting knowledgeable law insights from the passerbys assembled outside the studio.
I know, I know. I don’t even get it myself. That big cheesy grin. The rat-a-tat way he talks. The lame joke he does on almost every show, “___________ her? He hardly knew her!” Sigh. I’d hop his bones in a New York minute…If he’d let me. Unfortunately for me, Harvey is gay.
Levin appeared as a speaker at a fundraising event in West Hollywood, California for the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association in April 2010, and talked about “this hell-like fear” he had when he started in career in his 20s, that somebody in the newsroom would discover that he was gay. I just want to cuddle him and squoosh him between my boobs.
Ari Fleischer
This one is a hard one for me. Ari represents everything that I despise in partisan government. Yet…When he would conduct a White House press conference, pointing at reporters, I could feel that finger poking me… It’s the bald head. I am a sucker for a bald head.
There are no redeeming qualities about Ari. After his time at the White House, he has served as a consultant helping other scumbags manage their media image. I do have to say that my ardor for him has cooled considerably, but if I am to be honest, I have to admit that I thought he was hot, to my ever loving shame.
Honorable Mention – Fictional Douchebag Rameses
I scandalized my super-religious SIL one Easter Sunday. We were watching The Ten Commandants, which by the way is a GREAT movie with the genius casting of Edward G. Robinson as Dathan, the Hebrew slave master. “Who’s your messiah, noooww, Moses. Naah, see, ya durty rat. ” Oh wait, wrong movie.
Anyways, I said to her, “I know pharaoh is the bad guy but dang he fine!” She looked at me, dumbfounded, and I knew she was thinking, “I don’t believe she just blasphemed me on Easter Sunday, I’m gonna pray for her.”
Yul Brynner began my lust for bald guys. Plus he had the best legs and the sexiest walk ever.
So, Happy Valentines Day! Are there any guys/gals that you are ashamed to admit makes you go schwing?
[Photo:Annoir]
[Photo: Wikipeda]
[Photo: Cletar]
[Photo: Wikipeda]
[Photo: Wikipeda]
[Photo: Wikipeda]
