Updated: Hey! Rick Santorum Does Care About Black People!

Apparently we’ve all been terribly wrong about Rick Santorum and his lack of love for black people in this country. You see, he cares so deeply about black people that he’d like to address them directly, you know, comfortingly, and supportively. This is just his way, you know, with other races. He looks them square in the eye and says exactly what he thinks. Everyone will soon thank him for it, just you wait.

On an Iowa stop Saturday, Santorum tested his theory.

CBS News reports that he had this to say:

“It just keeps expanding – I was in Indianola a few months ago and I was talking to someone who works in the department of public welfare here, and she told me that the state of Iowa is going to get fined if they don’t sign up more people under the Medicaid program,” Santorum said. “They’re just pushing harder and harder to get more and more of you dependent upon them so they can get your vote. That’s what the bottom line is.”

He added: “I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them somebody else’s money; I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn the money.”

“Right,” responded one audience member, as another woman can be seen nodding.

“And provide for themselves and their families,” Santorum added, to applause. “The best way to do that is to get the manufacturing sector of the economy rolling again.”

So, let us get this straight, Ricky. You don’t want to make black people’s lives better by encouraging public welfare in Iowa, a state where only 9 percent of food stamp recipients are black, but because you’re so sure all black people need the help, you feel it’s your job as Messiah to all Coloreds Everywhere to give them the opportunity to earn money and provide for themselves, because, of course, black people don’t do that at all. No, nuh-uh. The blacks — a bunch of laze-a-bouts and louts — need you to get the manufacturing sector of the economy rolling again, because those are the best, and only jobs for those type of people, right?

Fabulous.

No, that’s not racist at all. No, in fact, THAT’S SO RACIST, THE RACIST METER JUST SUFFOCATED AND DIED FROM THE AMOUNT OF RACISM! We need a new word. How about Extra-Racist, or Racist-in-full, or Racist to the Nine Thousandth Power?

Anyway, we’re sure this was one isolated incident of incredible mouth-garbage. No? Oh, yes, lest anyone forget…there was this one where you said about President Obama and his abortion record:

“I find it almost remarkable for a black man to say ‘now we are going to decide who are people and who are not people.”

And this one:

Marriage is an institution that’s a bridge too far for too many African-American woman and is not desirable among African-American males….I think [Obama] has to realize that flying to New York is…self-indulgent. Go down to the corner bar and have a drink, a shot and a beer.”

Our mistake. We didn’t realize that you were somehow the spokesperson for African-Americans since you’ve studied race so thoroughly. You, Rick, are a fact-finding anomaly. A true phenom.

File this somewhere under the worst things you’ll hear ever from a presidential candidate. Let’s be sure to get out there and vote, because if not, it’s possible President Santorum’s inauguration will take place in 1835.

Update: Thanks to commenter, CaptainSnarky, we’ve learned from The Raw Story that Santorum has decided to combat his racist remarks on Saturday with another slathering of racially tinged comments on what is quickly becoming a race-loaded layer cake. We now know that Santorum loves to work in the “inner cities,” you know where all the black people hang out, and implores us all verify this information with Michael Steele — the only black person he knows. So there’s that.

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