Once upon a time, in April of 2010, author and screenwriter Neil Gaiman was approached by the good folks at Stillwater, Minnesota’s library to come and speak, presumably about writing and the like. While he has been known to speak publicly from time to time, he’d much rather spend his days writing, so his agency asked for a kingly sum.
The library, eager to have such an illustrious writer make an appearance in their humble town, gladly paid the fee with special funds allocated by the state for just such an occasion. Gaiman accepted and traveled to Stillwater to meet with the people and regale them with stories of writing, perhaps even astonishing feats of typing. He answered questions and took photos and in the end, he donated the payment (after the agency fees, of course) to charities. Fun was had by all.
But elsewhere in Minnesota, people were not pleased with Mr. Gaiman and his trip to Stillwater. The people of the Star News Tribune seethed at the idea of spending so much money on Neil. “Why not help fund a new stadium for the Vikings with taxpayer funds instead?” they asked. Others wondered why he was asked to attend, since he lives in the land of Wisconsin, sworn enemy of Minnesota. Gaiman was taken aback and decided to explain himself. The fervor eventually died down and all was well in the Land of Lakes.
Or so everyone thought. This year, in the State Congress of Minnesota, the GOP submitted a bill that would remove Legacy Fund allocations from public arts and recreation programs such as Minnesota Public Radio, Public Television and the Zoo and force them to compete for funding instead. In an effort to illustrate how horrible Legacy Fund allocation truly was, House Majority Leader Mike Dean brought up Gaiman’s speaking fee. “[Gaiman is a]pencil-necked little weasel who stole $45,000 from the state of Minnesota,” he proclaimed to all. Word of the comment spread across the land like wildfire, taking up valuable blog space from Royal Wedding Analyses and top ten lists concerning the best left-handed bassists of all time. Once more, Gaiman was called upon to state his case and defend the inadequacy of his neck.
Elsewhere, Matt Dean’s mother caught wind of her baby boy’s words and admonished him soundly, hopefully with lots of finger wags and declarations of how disappointed she was in him. Matt could not stand to see his mother vexed and, with head down and kicking at a pebble in the dirt, he apologized. Gaiman was unimpressed and didn’t hold his tongue but seemed glad the matter was over.
Per usual these days, if someone makes a lot of noise about a small matter, it’s probably because he doesn’t want you to look at what he’s doing elsewhere. The good people at Ripple in Stillwater uncovered information that Mrs. Dean’s pride and joy himself was guilty of taking money from known thieves and ne’er-do-wells, including a man wanted in connection with stealing approximately $100 million with his non-existent U.S. Navy Veterans Association. In fact, the Minnesota House GOP Caucus under Dean as accepted at least $92,000 from criminal sources, over twice the fee given to Gaiman.
So ends our story for now; Gaiman’s tale will likely be retold across the land.
Top photo credit Neil Gaiman.
