Top Hollywood scientists predict that by 2015, 100% of all movies will be remakes. Some filmologists disagree, arguing that we will not achieve the Remake Singularity until after we have passed the Prequel Event Horizon, where all movies are prequels. Regardless of which theoretical camp they subscribe to, film specialists agree that Renaissance Man/thespian James Franco is a pivotal figure in film history. Some argue that his appearance in Oz, The Great and Powerful, may be the culmination of The Prequel Event Horizon and usher in the Total Remake Era. Let us explore what a Franco-dominated future might look like. Continue reading
james franco
3 posts
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
James Franco is all grown up now and helming his own movies. No more stoner sidekick roles for him, right? Who are we kidding. Anyway, in this prequel to Funky Wahlberg’s 2001 Planet of the Apes effort, which basically resulted in a critics poo-throwing contest, here we are again trying to figure out how the world was overrun with primates.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_gKq200EBk&feature=player_embedded
Franco, looking quite the studious scientist, manages to exude the dynamically subtle nuances most attributed to plywood. I’m not getting the urgency, Franco. Murderous apes are afoot! When Matthew Broderick discovered monkey-mayhem had occurred in Project X there was fleet-footed frantic scrambling to round up all those monkeys! These people just look like the vending machines are all out of Certs. Maybe it gets more intense further along. We’ll see. However, one thing is clear, the apes, yeah, they want your face…on a plate. We should probably apologize for Donkey Kong.
Abduction
Taylor Lautner, abs connoisseur and full-moon transforming Pekinese, has put on a shirt and decided to try some acting that doesn’t involve supernatural love triangles, or being humped weirdly by Taylor Swift in a high school gym uniform. We want to root for him, don’t we?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AW1v4zJ4fXU
Abduction looks more than a bit like 1988’s Little Nikita starring the late great River Phoenix, but with some updates. iPad! In this we see Lautner using some high kicking Kung Fu! Very Keanu of you, sir. Are you The One? The one in a too tight t-shirt, maybe? While it looks like the story may get a little muddled and fall into the “secret organization super-spy baddies want teenager because he’s really a sleeper operative” trope, this probably isn’t the worst move for Lautner. He’s the lead actor. He is, however, obviously reciting his lines in his head. We see the effort. Not good. And oh, look! There’s Maria Bello! And wait, Sigourney Weaver! Sigh.
What do you think? Worth the movie bucks and highway robbery popcorn?
Welcome to the liveblog of the 2011 Oscars award show! It’s Missing Peace, Dancing Queen, and 2/3 of Ms. Anthropy here with your Academy Awards coverage. While we are excited about the show and have been making our picks for the winners all week, we have to admit that the red carpet is what we get most excited about.
This year, the Academy Awards will be co-hosted by James Franco and Anne Hathaway, or Francaway, as we’ve dubbed them. We hope they re-enact this. Continue reading