Quick, pithy, bitchy one-sentence description of Gawker beta as it is right now.
Mine:
Gawker beta is like having a gorgeous boyfriend with a tiny penis.
Humor
240 posts
Pervasive ambivalence followed by afternoon tranquility. Chance of mid-morning, mood-altering device, high.
Morning haze, followed by a brief frappuccino-induced, brain freeze. Increased acuity likely. 85% chance of mid-morning shower.
Increasing malaze followed by wide-spread indolence. Chance of shower, remote.
Completely fogged in. Visibility: Zero.
Chance of skull-pounding headache: 100%. Persistent dry-heaves thoughout the morning commute. Possibility of sunshine: .08%.
neoblastic
[-blas?tik]
Etymology: Gk, neos + blastos, germ
pertaining to a new tissue or development within a new tissue.
“When I saw Aubrey Plaza for the first time, I had a fucking neoblastic resurgence in my pants!”
pagophagia
[p??g?f??j?·?]
Etymology: Gk, pagos, frost, phagein, to eat
an abnormal condition characterized by a craving to eat enormous quantities of ice.
Person 1: “Don’t you think Aubrey Plaza is wicked-fucking hot?”
Person 2: “So hot, the bitch must be pagophagic!”
This morning: Foggy, with a chance of taking a shower. Increasing mental acuity by mid-morning.
Work Quotient: Low