Botswana Meat Commission FC created Crasstalk.com when he saw the need for a crowdsourced solution to capturing Osama bin Laden. His heroes include Nick Denton and all Bronies ever.
Meet Nonito Donaire. He’s currently the WBO and WBC bantamweight world champion and is a rare fighter who’s won titles in three different weight classes. He may also be the greatest pound-for-pound fighter alive right now and you should root for him.
First of all, his name is fun to say (it’s pronounced doe-nye-ree). Also, he’s an American. Well, actually he was born in the Philippines but moved to the Bay Area as a kid and has lived there ever since. I suggest we can claim him as our own. After all, I can’t even remember the last great American to fight in the 118-pound weight class. (Yeah, seriously. This dude is 118 pounds and has a serious knockout punch.)
Here’s his KO of Fernando Montiel two weeks ago. I love it. Montiel looks like he’s about to wake up, Inception-style.
According to Ring Magazine, Donaire is now the third best pound-for-pound fighter in the world. He’s behind only Pacquiao and Mayweather. I know, I thought Mayweather retired years ago, too. (Shrug.)
It now looks like the Filipino Flash (not the greatest nickname ever, but it’ll do) will fight Anselmo Moreno, the WBA bantweight champ sometime in May on HBO. The consensus is that this would be a very good fight.
Here’s a great video of Flash Donaire toying with former IBF Flyweight champion Vic Darchinyan.
So if you’re a casual fan, keep an eye on Flash Donaire. You can follow him on Twitter here.
In the early days, Crasstalk was a backwater with few visits but so many great things to share. To help bring some of those early posts to light we present Crasstalk Classic. Our second classic post goes all the way back to November 2010 when Botswana Meat Commission FC decided to test the limits of human endurance by drinking as much Four Loko as possible. Now go relive the magic.
IT’S ON! I picked up three cans of 4LOKO on the way home from work today, making me the first employed person to ever actually buy this product.
Which flavors, you ask? Good question! The first one is obviously lemon lime. It says so on the ENORMOUS can, plus it’s yellow and green, the ISO-certified universal colors for that flavor combination. I also picked up fruit punch flavor (RED!) as well as the purple variety, which sources tell me is called Purple Drank flavor. Fun times.
So I’m now going to try to drink at least two of these as fast as possible so that I can liveblog my own death. Haha, no, I’m fairly sure that I will die young, but it will NOT be at the hand of 4LOKO. I got this. I’m not an amateur kids. I’m a professional drinker. I may not actually get drunk very often anymore, but I’m feeling VERY good about my liver’s ability to take on this challenge. Not only can I generally hold my alcohol, but I am a voracious consumer of energy drinks. So I guess I fit right into 4LOKO’s high school parking lot demo!
UPDATE: Just cracked open the lemon-lime 4LOKO and took as big a chug as I could. You feel the energy rush instantly. Feeling all tingley and happy right now. Kids, if you want to feel good, drink LOTS of 4LOKO. Don’t worry if your parents don’t want you to… it will make you feel good. Hang out by the dumpsters behind the Quik-Trip and have an older member of your community buy it for you.
Stay tuned for more updates.
8:01
My head feels fuzzy, like a tight sheet of cloth draped over a wire frame that is blowing in the wind. It’s not unpleasant. The caffeine hasn’t really hit me yet. Don’t feel twitchy at all. The can is about 3/4 done already.
8:08
The can is almost gone.
My goatee looks fucking HUGE in that picture. I look like a fucking Civil War General! I love this because in reality my shit grows in all patchy and whatnot.
I honestly feel like I could invade Shiloh right now. The Civil War would have been over in a week TOPS if the Union had this shit back then
8:14
The first can is kicked. I’m watching “Weeds” and thinking about how awesome of a Civil War general I would be. This is pretty much the pinnacle of human existence.
It is officially called “LOKO UVA” flavor. I have no idea what that means but it must be high-tech and good. The actual taste of Purple Loko Drank is interesting. It’s slightly bitter, with a hint of sweet berry goodness and a frisson of alcoholic burn. Complex nose, delightful full body ripples across the tongue. It’s no wonder Robert Parker’s gardener gave this his top rating of 5.0 one night after stabbing a carnival worker.
O RLY?
8:33
I’m watching “Johnny Dangerously” starring Michael Keaton and Joe Piscopo. This is making me want to stag a leprechaun in the dickhole. This movie is AWFUL. What the fuck were people thinking back in 1984. Their 20s nostalgia sucked balls. I DEMAND SCORCESE.
8:42
I finally broke the seal. These cans come in only one official size: FUCKING GINORMOUS. It is like trying to drink a punch bowl. I’m amazed I even made it through a can and a half before having to whizz. Also, the caffeine is starting to take its toll on my stomach. I feel like Manny Pacquiao just punched me in the gut. I’m slightly short of breath and feeling a sharp pain in my stomach. Despite that, I’m feeling pretty good. The euphoria of the alcohol and caffeine is still coursing through my brain. It’s fairly lovely actually.
9:06
Just took my second piss of the night. Bladder was about to EXPLODE from all the carbonation of these coddamn drinks. Now I’m watching “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell” and feeling like anyone involved with this piece of shit should be killed in brutal car accident.
9:14
I’m pretty much done with the second can of 4LOKO. I’m still standing and, while buzzed, I feel like I can still keep up a decent conversation. Also, Tucker Max is history greatest monster.
9:34
Two cans down! I just started on the third can (fruit punch). All is well. The stomach pains went away and now I just feel really drunk. The fruit punch drank has a nice flavor. Not bitter, not too sweet. I feel pleasantly buzzed and euphoric. Really, this is quite nice.
9:50
I am ridciously drunk at this point. Any pretense of sobriety is lost. I am FUCKED UP. Like, I am fairly sure ther are leprechauns dancing around my living room right now. FUCK THE FUCKING LEPRECHAUNS. Leave me alone you green skinned bastards!
9:55
Ridcousl! Ha! Being retardedly drunk is actually pretty fun. Right now when I look at the ceiling I see a fucking Santana concert happening. That may or may not be good.
10:15
At this point I’m straught up hammered and am having a tough time tpin actual shit. Fp real Om fucked up and thsi 4LOKO shit is for real..
10:56
Ok, so I already prayed to the porcelain god. I couldn’t help it. My stomach just straight up rebelled. Whoa, this stuff is REALLY hard on the ol’ stomach.
11:16
Ok, at this point I already prayed to the porcelain god. Got sick, booted, straight up yakked in the toilet. Yep, I got sick. Franklyt, I’m pretty sure it was just the caffeine that got to me. But HOLY SHIT this 4LOKO stuff is for real. I feel like Charlie Sheen.
So yesterday we played an insane little game called Find Today’s Worst Politico Article Ever. And the Crasstalk Army rose to the challenge. You risked turning into David Broder-esque Beltway Zombies and actually spent time looking for the crappiest pieces of Politico crap that ever got crapped out.
Here’s the worst of the worst (remember, this is just one day’s worth of Politicrap):
Essentially, this is a 4 paragraph article mentioning when the book is coming out, followed by a short blurb by a publisher. In fact everything in this article is probably going to be found on the inside sleeve of the book.
Except the conclusion of the article, of course, which states: “On Tuesday morning, Bristol posted on her Facebook fan page for the first time since December.”
But there could be only one winner on this day, and that goes to Epuff, for nominating this thing. Amazingly, Politico figured out how to connect Charlie Sheen, Mike Huckabee and Chris Matthews into a fine bouillabaisse of SEO linkbait crappiness:
Two and a Half Mean: Huck says Matthews like Sheen
The awful play on the words. The use of a colon. The rhyming. As Charles Barkley would say, “that’s just turrrrible.” The rest of the article just repeats a few dumb soundbites that Huckabee made right before eating his fifth Hardee’s burger of the afternoon and fucking his cousin. Of course, Politico doesn’t actually ever take sides. They just repeat what the pundits say. See, journalism is easy when you’re as even-handed as Politico is! And if you can throw Charlie Sheen into the mix, go for it!
So congratulations to Epuff on winning our first-ever Politico contest. Here’s a little something I wrote in her honor. I think it really capture’s Epuff’s essence.
And yet we had no ideal Mistress stretching her form up to the clouds, nor yet a cruel Queen to whom to offer our corpses twisted into the shape of Byzantine rings! No reason to die unless it is the desire to be rid of the too great weight of our courage!
We drove on, crushing beneath our burning wheels, like shirt-collars under the iron, the watch dogs on the steps of the houses.
Death, tamed, went in front of me at each corner offering me his hand nicely, and sometimes lay on the ground with a noise of creaking jaws giving me velvet glances from the bottom of puddles.
“Let us leave good sense behind like a hideous husk and let us hurl ourselves, like fruit spiced with pride, into the immense mouth and breast of the world! Let us feed the unknown, not from despair, but simply to enrich the unfathomable reservoirs of the Absurd!”
As soon as I had said these words, I turned sharply back on my tracks with the mad intoxication of puppies biting their tails, and suddenly there were two cyclists disapproving of me and tottering in front of me like two persuasive but contradictory reasons. Their stupid swaying got in my way. What a bore! Pouah! I stopped short, and in disgust hurled myself — vlan! — head over heels in a ditch.
Oh, maternal ditch, half full of muddy water! A factory gutter! I savored a mouthful of strengthening muck which recalled the black teat of my Sudanese nurse!
As I raised my body, mud-spattered and smelly, I felt the red hot poker of joy deliciously pierce my heart. A crowd of fishermen and gouty naturalists crowded terrified around this marvel. With patient and tentative care they raised high enormous grappling irons to fish up my car, like a vast shark that had run aground. It rose slowly leaving in the ditch, like scales, its heavy coachwork of good sense and its upholstery of comfort.
We thought it was dead, my good shark, but I woke it with a single caress of its powerful back, and it was revived running as fast as it could on its fins.
Then with my face covered in good factory mud, covered with metal scratches, useless sweat and celestial grime, amidst the complaint of staid fishermen and angry naturalists, we dictated our first will and testament to all the living men on earth.
Try not to break anything while fist-pumping to this video.
Seriously, is there anything cooler than the 1:12 mark when you see the sub go underwater? Someone should fix up one of those old ships and charge people to go out into the ocean and just blast those machine guns up into the air. I would pay good money to do that.
If we can agree on nothing else, let us at least agree to agree that POLITICO (All caps, please. K THX) is absolutely terrible. Politico is the Qadaffi of websites. No… Politico is the Charlie Sheen of websites. Unhinged, incomprehensible, obsessed with meaningless bullshit and you need a chlamydia test after fucking with it.
So why don’t we throw a little contest for the Crasstalk Army:
Let’s prowl Politico in search of the most execrable, mundane, pointless or otherwise awful article on the site today and post a link in the comments.
Tomorrow we’ll announce the winner. The prize is a very special Crasstalk post, written by me, extolling your virtues and affirming your place in history. Who wouldn’t want that?
First of all, stop gushing on Obama, GOP. Also, you can’t just put “Smitten:” at the front of a headline and expect it to make any sense. Usually you do something like that if you want to attribute the statement to someone. Like for example, “Scientists: Charlie Sheen Not Actually a Real Drug.” See, that would make sense.
To prove the writer’s point that the GOP is gushing on Obama, it goes on for about two solid paragraphs with a lukewarm Haley Barbour quote and then wraps up with this:
In his typical overly-Texan tone, Perry said the president is “a good talker” rather than communicator.
Perry though made clear that he thinks the Obama may like to hear himself talk, frequently mentioned how “long” the president took to answer some of the governor’s questions.
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? GAHHHHHHHHHH POLITICO. WHY DO YOU TEASE US WITH SUCH BULLSHIT????
By now many of you are already aware of what happened when our site went down for about a day and a half. On Thursday afternoon Gizmodo linked to one of our posts, and we instantly got a huge spike in traffic. And while I had previously predicted the need to move to a better hosting solution, we couldn’t have predicted that this would happen. Because we were still using an inexpensive shared hosting plan, when all that Gizmodo traffic came our way we suddenly exceeded our allotted percentage of the server’s resources and they suspended our account.
Right away we moved to a much better (and more expensive) virtual server, but unfortunately our old host’s backup of our database was badly corrupted. Thanks to the legendary heroism of your fellow Crasstalker Bens, we were able to save all the data and get the site back up. From now on we should have a much faster website with fewer annoying bugs and less downtime. This will be a big improvement in how Crasstalk performs.
We think this is a huge opportunity for us to continue growing this community. Here’s what you can do to help us do that:
Share Crasstalk links on Facebook, Twitter, StumbleUpon, etc. All you have to do is hit one of the social media buttons at the bottom of each article.
If you haven’t already, make a donation to our site fund. See the button on the right? Yeah, that one.
If you’re an author, start writing new articles again. We’re going to need them!
Go find articles mentioning the Gawker redesign and post comments with links to the site in them. That’s how many of you found this place, so keep spreading the word.
I’ll tell you right now, DogsOfWar, GrandInquisitor and I have big plans for this place. We’re working on improving the quality level of the articles. We’re making the site faster. And we’re working on adding new features like PMs, Gawker-style reply notifications and chat. This recent setback has made us more, not less, committed to improving the site.
Today was Presidents Day and in honor of that, we talked about our e-fueled days as vintage 90s ravers. In honor of that, here’s a clip from the greatest rave-inspired movie ever, “Human Traffic.”
So apparently scientists finally got around to doing some of their sciencey experiments on the brains of a large group of people who’ve probably spent the past 15 years listening to nothing but Prodigy’s “Fat of the Land” album (which is to say, heavy users of MDMA — the drug commonly known as ecstasy).
The study was led by a Harvard Medical School professor and funded by the Natiional Institute on Drug Abuse. Its findings were reported in last week’s issue of Addiction, because I know you’re probably a regular subscriber to that. According to the study’s lead researcher, past studies had been affected by studying subjects who liked ALL drugs not just ecstasy, which skewed the results:
The resulting experiment whittled down 1,500 potential participants to 52 selected users, whose cognitive abilities matched those of a group of 59 non-users. “We even took hair samples of participants to test whether they were telling the truth about their drug and alcohol habits,” said Halpern. “Essentially we compared one group of people who danced and raved and took ecstasy with a similar group of individuals who danced and raved but who did not take ecstasy. When we did that, we found that there was no difference in their cognitive abilities.”
So on one hand, we have a new wide-scale study showing that ecstasy doesn’t turn your brain into delicious Jell-O Pudding Pops.
Meet Shinya Kimura. He builds custom motorcycles out of his shop in Los Angeles. Unlike most of the blinged-out choppers you see on cable TV, Kimura’s machines are gritty. They’re hand-built and gnarly and fast enough to take out to the desert for the famous El Mirage land speed races in Southern Calfiornia.
His style is really unique. There’s a lot of unpainted aluminum and stainless steel. And he works on a wide variety of types of engines and frames. He’s almost more like a hot rod car-builder than the typical motorcycle guy in his approach.
But above all, the man clearly just loves motorcycles and feels the passion that so many of us have for two wheeled machinery. Some of his creations appear to be influenced by the British cafe racer, which is a stripped-down style of motorcycle with low handlebars and built for riding fast. Other bikes of his are more inpspired by the American bobber, which is similar to a chopper, but with chopped-off (bobbed) fenders and lots of flat-black paint instead of fancy chrome. You can check out more of his work at his blog.
Here’s Kimura sitting on a vintage Italian MV Agusta.
And here he is on the custom Ducati twin he rode at El Mirage. (Yes, those are drum brakes on the front!)
