I’m pretty sure if we did Crasstalk superlatives Cletar would win ALL of the awards, He certainly wins my award for Crasstalker I Would Most Like to be Stuck in a Staff Meeting With. Recently our resident bone fide archeaologist, master photoshopper, and political humorist answered my probing questions about his life.
IHD: Most important question first: What is your favorite snack?
Cletar: Hm. Popcorn. Or a bowl of cereal.
IHD: Do you have a favorite episode of TV? If so, what?
C: The Doomsday Machine episode of Star Trek. That was James Doohan’s favorite Star Trek episode, too.
IHD: Did your kid ever do something ridiculous that you wanted to correct him about, but you couldn’t because you were too busy laughing?
C: Probably. I can’t think of a particular incident off the top of my head, but kids are pretty funny and you should probably be laughing a fair amount if you are parenting right. A lot of that stuff is sort of situationally funny, though, and loses something in explaining. YOUR kid is funny, but other people’s kids are often just irritating little dumbasses.
IHD: When did you know you wanted to be an archaeologist?
C: When I was maybe 8 or so.
IHD: What is the weirdest thing you ever dug up?
C: Skeletons, I guess.
IHD: Where is the roughest place you ever been on a dig? Any harrowing stories?
C: Any project where you have to use a boat gets pretty rough. I worked on a project once where all the vehicles we had got stuck in the mud. The guy with the old Toyota Landcruiser burst into tears. We hired a truck to come drag our stuck trucks out, and THAT truck got stuck too. We finally winched him out with the Landcruiser. I think he agreed not to charge us if we told no one of his shame.
IHD: Have you ever had to fight any Nazis over an artifact?
C: Nazis are less of a problem than the media would have you believe.
IHD: What is your favorite period in history? Why?
C: I don’t know that I have one favorite period. If you asked me that question at various different times I would give you a different answer. I’ve been reading a lot on the early 19th century for work, and recreationally I’ve been reading about World War I.
IHD: You have a job that gives you a unique perspective on humans being humans. What is the thing you learned about people or something you had confirmed that surprised you the most?
C: People have been doing a lot of the same dumb shit for a long time. At the same time, people in the past were not dumber than we are.
IHD: If you could buy anything in the world right now and didn’t have to be practical, what would you buy?
C: If I have to buy an object, a Toyota Landcruiser. A family trip to Europe would also be nice. I like traveling. If I got a big wad of money to blow on something I would blow it on travel.
IHD: If you could be the best at one physical feat/sport what would it be?
C: Is playing guitar a physical feat? I’d like to be able to play guitar. Guitar playing is pretty goddamned magical.
IHD: You’ve created so many parodies of presidential candidates to help us all muscle through the miserable Republican primaries during the last two election cycles, do you have a favorite?
C: The 2012 candidates were so awful the only way I could really cope with them was to imagine them as these weird characters. I mean, the real Rick Santorum had some really awful policy ideas and generally comes across as a dick. Likewise Newt Gingrich as a gross fat space monster was really preferable to the genuine gross Gingrich of real life. The hapless Santorum who’s so broke that he’s bathing in fountains, and who’s clothes get stolen so he has to campaign for a while in a towel, though, I kind of felt sorry for him. Same with Ron Paul as an accursed mummy pining for gold. Kind of felt sorry for him.
I guess my favorite character was Santorum. I don’t know why you’d do this, but if you read the stuff I wrote closely you’d see that Dick Santorum was the only one that had any real character development. Gingrich doesn’t grow or change at all. He learns nothing, and he’s as gross at the end as he is at the beginning. Campaigns are awful things, this hideous crucible that these dumb governors and senators put themselves through. From a story perspective, I think the most interesting characters are the ones who are putting themselves through this hell for no good reason. I can see why Hillary would go through with it. She has a good shot at being nominated and becoming president. Same with Mitt in 2012. But what the hell was Santorum thinking? What the hell does George Pataki or Lindsay Graham think is going to happen now? Candidates fucking up are more interesting than candidates who are doing well.
