Yelp Users Will Review Pretty Much Anything 2

Finally, another installment of YUWRPMA. Sorry for the long delay, kids. When we last left you, we had been fighting over a bridge. Nothing has been cleared up on that front except for more arguing. So, let’s get down to business shall we?

cineplex1. Cineplex Odeon Yonge & Dundas Cinemas
Who actually consults Yelp when they want to go to a chain movieplex? Apparently 73 people want to tell you about it. Seventy. Three. In fact, Hedel T. will throw down any day over Yorkdale Movie Theatre “anytime.” YMT, you are on notice.

But, counterpoint goes to Paul L. who has had “completely enough of the Yonge Dundas location” because of delicious layered butter popcorn:

I ordered a popcorn. I asked the server to layer some butter. He sighed heavily at this request. The young man turned around and dumped half the bag into the maker, handed it back to me and said “you need to layer it yourself at the butter on the side because I am too busy”

I looked at him in complete shock. There was one customer behind me and four tills open. “Too what?” I said “that isn’t butter on the side” “yes it is” he replied, and repeated “I’m too busy.”  I refused to take the bag, he sighed again, and said “never mind, this is taking too long” and he layered the butter in the back where I couldn’t see him. (!!!!!).

As far as Paul L. is concerned: “You are wondering how to keep people coming back to the movies in 2013, it is not through rude service and stale/cold food. All I see is a company in steep decline.” ‘Nuff said.

 5986303280_4aa5056dca_o_22. Real Estate Agents.
No, not companies. I mean, agents! Just a random search in Alameda, CA alone turned up Kate McCaffrey, Sharon Alva, Angelo Raymundo, and many others. That’s probably a great way to get your name out and all but given that pretty much all of the reviews I skimmed over were glowing, of course, I’m not sure if it’s a useful reference.

OPB_color3. Oregon Public Broadcasting
OPB inspires great fan loyalty for 20 reviewers. In fact, fervent listener Melissa P. says this: “Every day, everyday, I think to myself, ‘Yelp OPB’.” Unless it’s during a pledge drive, when she wants to “hide in a corner.” The best review comes from Happy D. who has crafted this epic tome to the tune of “OPP” by Naughty by Nature;

how can i explain it?
i’ll take you frame by frame it
O is for Oregon, P is for Public, B is for Broadcasting
to have y’all jumpin, shall we be YeLpIn it?
bust it.

you down with OPB? yeah you know me
who’s down with OPB? every last PDX homie!

ok. so i’m not naughty by nature..

but i am an OPB fan!
OPB is nostalgia at its best: Reading Rainbow, Sesame Street, Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood… i grew up on this stuff. thanks to Laura N.’s review for bringing back the fond memories.

& Thanks, OPB.
break it down~!

perfections-14. Strip Clubs

What’s a club to do if it isn’t The Clermount Lounge? How would you know what you’re getting into (or on, or over, or whatever) if you couldn’t turn to Yelp? If you’re Perfection, in Astoria, Queens, you probably don’t really need to care, do you? In fact Lauren W. doesn’t mince words. Her review? “Awesome!!!!”

David B. likes to head on out to kill some time before early morning departures at LaGuardia Airport or JFK. His friend suggested they go and if it was “wack” they could go to another one around the corner. You can guess what happened next.

These are the ugliest strippers I have ever seen. Even the club lighting couldn’t hide the ugly. A few strippers had BO (Body Odor). I tipped them extra to go away. One stripper wouldn’t go away until my boy tipped her more. He said, “Why should I tip you more? You didn’t even dance. The owner must be losing his eye sight because those strippers were tore up from the floor up. I took what was left of my singles and gave it to the bartender. We broke out of there in a record 30 minutes.

My favorite was from Mr. D.:

“I have been here a couple of times. Here’s the problem for me, I like big booty women and they definitely had them here. But some of them are some fake booty having women also so you gotta be able to differentiate between fake and real booties. Always see if the legs match the booty. Skinny legs and big really big? Fake. Also some women have almost too round booties…those are potentially fake as well, but not gonna front they look nice. I think the best time to go is Saturday and maybe Thursday. I don’t think the women are ugly though. Most bars give watered down drinks anyway to save liquor so thats a given, I’m not really there to drink, matter of fact I don’t drink so when I go there I order some kind of juice mix so it looks like liquor but it isn’ or I tell people I’m in alkie recovery lol People look at you funny when you don’t drink. Anyway, back to the program…the lapdances are $30.00! That is waaaayyy too much, and that’s why I my ranking is kind of in the middle. Those three stars are for the women there would be more if the dances weren’t so much.  It’s funny though when big rappers make an appearance and throw dollars on the floor, you see even the waitresses trying to get that money LOL I’m not gonna front I might drag a couple dollars off the floor with the heel of my shoe and then pick them up when no ones but then I tip a dancer with them so at least they are going back where they come from. And I’m preventing the waitresses from cheating the dancers who are sweating hard on them poles only to have someone carrying the drinks take their money. So I’m doing a public service, like that bear that tells you that you can prevent forest fires.
It’s just recycling don’t hate. : )”

consulateChina5. Consulate General of the People’s Republic of China
And finally, I present you some gems from the Consulate General of the People’s Republic of China in New York. As government agencies go, I was surprised that it actually got 2.5 stars which didn’t seem too bad. However, the vitriol that it inspires is pretty impressive. It got much more than the DMV, which merited four stars and I have heard it often said that it’s about a 4-6 hour wait down there.

First of all, it seems that the main trouble with this agency mostly lies not in the long waits or the surly staff but that they can be um, sticklers for detail. Tracy W. laments that

It’s a sad, sad day for US-Chinese relations when grown Chinese men with US passports walk away from the visa application window fist pumping in joy, having had their visa applications accepted. I was there today.

I waited in line and watched a clearly frustrated Caucasian man storm away, muttering, “I’ve been here three f*cking times already.

Yikes, Tracy W.! Well, when you have 63 reviews, mostly giving advice and recommendations for exactly what paperwork you should bring with you in order not to get rejected multiple times, I can see why there would be some crankiness. Nick says that “Before you embark on your trip to this “Hades on Earth”, you should skip breakfast and go early.

Sandy C. helpfully recommends, “Don’t go to China.” But that said, she got turned away twice which inspired enough ire for her to write

I am NEVER visiting China.  I officially as of this date (8/11/11) denounce my nationality!  F-U!

And with that, we will leave you with this edition of Yelp Users Will Review Pretty Much Anything (YUWRPMA).

Image: Yelp

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