Every so often, something so stupid comes along that you can’t imagine how the author manages to tie their shoes or put on pants, and yet is seemingly well credentialed. Alan Keyes has provided us with such a cache, and I consider it my duty to build a rhetorical Yucca Mountain on top of it to ensure that this kind of weapons-grade stupid is never allowed to fall into the wrong hands.
The title of today’s article is “A Bucket Brigade: The most simple, feasible way to take back America!”. Did you ever notice that conservatives are always trying to “take back America”? Take it back from what or whom, exactly? I mean, the GOP controls the House, Supreme Court, and over half the states. They’re one of the two major political parties. I think they’re referring to Democrats, but the math doesn’t quite add up. Not that math has ever been the GOP’s strong suit, but I digress.
So, without further delay, let’s dig in.
WND.com is reporting
Full stop. If you’re basing an article on anything posted at WorldNetDaily, you should probably reevaluate your sources. While you’re at it, please reconsider the life decisions that lead you to the point of basing something on WorldNetDaily. If this article is weapons-grade stupid, WND would be banned by the Geneva Conventions.
WND.com is reporting on the activities of people who have been gathering on highway and other overpasses in different parts of the country with signs advocating the impeachment of Barack Obama. Practically every day brings fresh evidence that Obama and his appointed henchmen have abandoned their oath to uphold the Constitution.
Do yourself a favor: don’t click the link. Not unless you’re in the mood for an eight hour shower and scrubbing your skin until it bleeds because you can’t seem to get clean.
As we all know, the best way to advocate for a particular political belief or position is by decorating highway overpasses with signs made out of styrofoam cups, the same way my high school got ready for football games. Worth noting: my high school was TERRIBLE at football.
Major elements of their policy agenda directly and plainly violate the Constitution, including:
OH GOD IT BURNS. *ahem* Excuse me.
- Their national health policy’s violation of the free exercise of religion with respect to the practice of abortion;
To the best of my knowledge, the Obama Administration hasn’t yet implemented their grand scheme of confiscating all the churches in the country and turning them into Abortionplexes, so I can only assume that Dr. Keyes is mistaken. For now.
- Their national security policy’s violation of the 4th Amendment (unwarranted NSA data mining);
While I agree that the NSA’s data mining is a problem, and probably in violation of the 4th Amendment, I’d like to point out that Alan Keyes and his Republican friends said nary a peep when Congress passed the PATRIOT Act and GWB put the whole thing together. An oversight, I’m sure.
- Their military policy’s suppression of militarily innocuous religious practices by military personnel, in violation of the 1st Amendment;
I consider myself an educated, well informed man, and I honestly have no idea what “militarily innocuous religious practices” Dr. Keyes is referring to here. If I had to guess, probably something about the gays. It’s always about the gays with these people.
- Their social policy’s enforced acceptance of homosexual marriage, disparaging and denying the God-endowed rights of the natural family, which the Constitution’s 9th Amendment plainly forbids;
Did you hear that? There’s federally enforced acceptance of homosexual marriage now! If all of the homophobes would please report to your nearest FEMA camp for reeducation, we’ll make this transition as easy as possible.
- Their immigration and border security policy’s failure to take care that the laws are faithfully executed, in violation of Article II.3 of the Constitution;
Correction: gays and immigrants. It’s always about gays and immigrants with these people.
- Their policies for the national defense, in particular their decisions flagrantly to sacrifice the lives of American military and diplomatic personnel, as well as the increasingly egregious failure to maintain the nation’s strategic nuclear deterrent, all in evident disregard of the goal set out by the people in the Preamble to the Constitution, “to provide for the common defense”;
BENGHAZI! Just when you thought they couldn’t find new ways to beat a dead horse, they break out some new bats. Meanwhile, in the rest of America…
- And their persistent moves toward the general disarmament of the people, in violation of the 2nd Amendment prohibition against infringing the right of the people to keep and bear arms.
No one seems to remember the FIRST PART of the Second Amendment: “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”
I’m pretty sure if you handed Madison, Jefferson, Franklin, or any of the other guys that voted on the Bill of Rights an AR-15 and said “In 2013, this will be legal to own in the United States for self defense. Also, we disbanded the militia system in the 1800s after we developed a standing military and National Guard.”, they’d have probably said something along the lines of “Are you shitting me?”, or whatever the late-1700s equivalent was. For all I know, it could have been “Are you shitting me?”. Of course, if you showed them an iPhone, you’d probably be burned at the stake for witchcraft too.
So, Dr. Keyes has made his case. What’s his remedy?
All these policies, and the malfeasant actions and activities to which they give rise, constitute high crimes and misdemeanors within the meaning of the constitutional language that specifies the terms on which the U.S. House and Senate, respectively, may move to impeach and remove civil officers of the United States. The people around the country calling for impeachment are therefore fully justified in their demand. Moreover, the number (and insolent willfulness) of ongoing offenses more than justifies the conclusion, being reached by an ever-growing number of Americans, that these high crimes and misdemeanors are part of a “long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object” which “evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism.”
I’m amazed Newt Gingrich doesn’t have a side business where every time a Republican talks about impeaching a popular Democratic President over absolutely nothing even resembling a high crime or misdemeanor under the Constitution, he beats them to death with a baseball bat.
The aggrieved grassroots – not the GOP – must lead the effort to impeach!
The bolding is Dr. Keyes’, not mine. And yes! The aggrieved grassroots must lead the effort! All dozens or hundreds of them, in a country of hundreds of millions!
By demonstrating their strong feelings on this subject, the people gathering at overpasses throughout the nation are taking an important first step toward achieving the result America requires. But their well-intentioned movement could end up being a waste of resources and energy unless and until they focus on the means the U.S. Constitution provides to implement their good intention. Obama and his minions can and should be impeached and removed from office. This could be done in short order, within a few weeks of the time the new Congress begins its session in 2015. But it can only be done if a simple majority of representatives in the U.S. House vote to impeach Obama and his minions, and two-thirds of the Senators in the U.S. Senate vote to remove them.
Apparently Dr. Keyes is unfamiliar with the speed of Congress’ ability to act on anything these days. I don’t even think you can get a post office named in a few weeks anymore.
Contrary to what some people want us to believe, the Democrat Party is not the primary obstacle to achieving this objective. Their opposition can only come into play if and when the goal of impeachment and removal becomes the major focus of the elections in 2014. If, in 2014, the sham two-party system continues to dominate the politics of the congressional elections, there is no chance whatsoever that this will be the case. Since even before Obama took office, and despite regaining control of the U.S. House in 2010 and 2012, the GOP leadership – and particularly its congressional leadership – has been collaborating with Obama and his minions.
So what you’re saying is that there is no chance whatsoever that this will be the case. Gotcha. Well, gotta give him points for being honest, at least.
Also, if this is what “collaboration” looks like, God help us all if there’s ever actual obstruction.
We’ve heard some lip-service opposition. We’ve seen some deceitfully choreographed displays of political wrestling. But only during exhibition matches. In the real title matches (Obamacare, key national security and diplomatic appointments, implementation of policies hostile to the Constitution and our unalienable rights, the imposition of debt servitude on this and succeeding generations, the neglect of our borders, illegal immigration’s subversion of our national sovereignty), the GOP leaders have done the bidding of their elitist faction masters. They have worked to make sure Obama’s socialist, totalitarian, anti-constitutional, anti-American agenda moves ahead.
Just wait until Obama does his second term heel turn. He’s gonna smash Mitch McConnell in the face with a folding chair and give John Boehner the People’s Elbow during the State of the Union, then grow an awesome goatee.
If you’re playing “Conservative Buzzword Bingo”, that last sentence is worth four spaces.
The GOP never effectively challenged Obama to prove that he is eligible, under the Constitution, to hold the office of President. In like fashion, they will never move to take the only steps that can actually put an end to his faction’s ongoing assault on the Constitution as a whole. Mark my words, the GOP’s leaders will not make impeachment and removal the focal point of the 2014 elections. Instead, they will work to discourage and undermine the deeply aggrieved grassroots citizens who know good and well that it should be.
If by “work to discourage and undermine the deeply aggrieved grassroots citizens” you mean “pray to God that these loonies don’t show up to their rallies so they can win over just enough non-crazy moderates to win”, then you’re absolutely right.
The Constitution’s remedy: a ‘bucket brigade’
The GOP leaders are likely to get away with this dereliction of their duty to the Constitution because most Americans have never taken the time to think through the electoral significance of the constitutional process for impeachment and removal. They don’t realize that every two years, Americans who vote in the general election have the chance to cast a vote of no-confidence in the National Administration, including all the civil officers in each branch of government. A sufficiently strong political movement, clearly focused on achieving a Congressional majority to impeach and remove the offenders, could throw them out, like a janitor pouring out a bucket of dirty suds. And starting at the top, they could replace them with people ready to clean up the government’s act.
Generally speaking, most Americans have problems remembering who they elected in the first place. Don’t you think that asking them to be constitutional scholars, familiar with the intricacies of the impeachment process, is a bit much?
Let’s say that when the smoke clears after the 2014 election, people who have pledged to vote for impeachment and removal of the offenders have been elected, in sufficient numbers, in both the U.S. House and the U.S. Senate. Let’s call them “the bucket brigade” for short. As the Congress organizes itself for action, the first step of “the bucket brigade” would be to elect, as Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, the person they believe best suited to take over the Office of President of the United States. This could be any qualified person in the U.S., since the Speaker does not have to be a member of the House.
Let’s say that, when the smoke clears, three unicorns emerge from my butt, and prepare a lovely four course gourmet meal in my kitchen. See? I can play this game too!
Just curious, but how would this “bucket brigade” choose the person best suited to take over the Presidency? Would there be an election? Would it be by acclamation? Would candidates battle each other in a cage match, with the nuclear launch codes hanging from the top, and the first person to reach them wins?
The bucket brigade’s second step would be to impeach and remove the Vice-President of the United States, in order to assure that the President of the Senate cannot delay the proceedings. They would then impeach and remove the President of the United States. According to existing law, the Speaker of the House then assumes the Presidency. The bucket brigade might then proceed to remove all the civil officers implicated in the President’s malfeasance. However, assuming that the new President asks for and receives the resignations of all current Presidential appointees, this step would be unnecessary in most cases. In this way, the vote of no confidence achieved at the polls in the Congressional elections would translate into a complete change in the national administration, including recalcitrant members of the Judiciary, if the need be.
Okay, so it sounds like Dr. Keyes wants to basically decapitate the Federal Government. I am curious how he plans to remove recalcitrant members of the Judiciary, as many of them have lifetime appointments and would likely be concerned about the fact that a bunch of psychotics have just staged a coup.
Finally, we get to how Alan Keyes plans to destroy the Republican Party.
Oath to impeach
So the overpass demonstrators are right to assume that we cannot and should not wait until 2016 to refresh our political life. Well before then, we can end the elitist faction putsch. There is a constitutional way to achieve that goal. But how many Americans know of it? Some have thus far invested themselves in an effort to show how they feel. But how many of them realize what could done with the good fruit (contacts, social networks, etc.) of that effort? How many of them will give priority to organizing the electoral movement that could make the 2014 elections a returning point for America’s self-government?
The key to that movement has nothing to do with sham party labels. The sham party system is a carefully-constructed diversion. The key to success is to demand that candidates take a solemn oath to impeach and remove those who are conniving to overthrow our Constitution, trample our unalienable rights, and rape us of our national birthright, which is God-acknowledging liberty. Find and swear-in “the bucket brigade.” And once they’re elected, sit on them to make sure they get the job done quickly.
There it is. Alan Keyes wants everyone to swear a solemn oath to impeach the President if elected.
As I’ve pointed out, there are a couple of problems with Dr. Keyes’ approach. For starters, he’d have to get the majority of the House and a supermajority of the U.S. Senate to sign on to impeachment proceedings. The chance of that happening is zero. Not even slightly above zero. It’s zero. Well, okay, maybe not ZERO, but a number of small as to be indistinguishable from zero to everyone but math and statistics nerds.
So, assuming (rightly) that there’s zero chance of Dr. Keyes’ plan coming to fruition, what’s his best case scenario? A handful of extreme right-wing Congressman from districts where livestock outnumber people by a significant margin loudly proclaiming their intention to impeach the President for… something. Meanwhile, Republicans in actual competitive districts are forced to answer the question as to whether or not they support impeaching the President, and the Democratic Party gets to whack every Republican from New York to California with it like Gipsy Danger whacked Otachi with the cargo ship in Pacific Rim.
Alan Keyes, by the way, is the guy that’s responsible for the 27% theory, also known as The Crazification Factor.
For those of you unfamiliar with the Crazification Factor, it states that “There are fifty to seventy million voters each of who will volunteer to live, with his family, in a cardboard box under an overpass, and cook sparrows on an old curtain rod, if someone would only guarantee that the black, gay, Hispanic, liberal, whatever, in the next box over doesn’t even have a curtain rod, or a sparrow to put on it.”. Fifty to seventy five million people is roughly 27% of the U.S. Population.
How did they come to this number? Obama Vs. Keyes, Illinois Senate Seat, 2004.
Keyes was from out of state, so you can eliminate any established political base; both candidates were black, so you can factor out racism; and Keyes was plainly, obviously, completely crazy. Batshit crazy. Head-trauma crazy. But 27% of the population of Illinois voted for him. They put party identification, personal prejudice, whatever ahead of rational judgement. Hell, even like 5% of Democrats voted for him. That’s crazy behaviour. I think you have to assume a 27% Crazification Factor in any population.
Given the fact that were any GOP candidate to embrace Keyes’ suggestion they’d almost surely be run out of town on a rail, I can only assume that at some point over the last eight years the Obama machine got to him and turned him into a liberal plant. They want him to fire up the GOP’s lunatic fringe so they’ll start demanding impeachment pledges from their candidates, and the Democratic Party will shrewdly take advantage of it by painting the entire GOP as looney tunes.
Okay, I know assuming the leadership of the Democratic party as devious and clever in the extreme is a stretch, but it’s either that or Alan Keyes is certifiably insane and should be kept away from anything sharper than Silly Putty.
Actually, on second thought, let’s go with that.
