Crasstalk’s Worst Internet Commenters Tournament 2013

Welcome weary citizens of the Internet! We all know how soul-sucking internet comments can be. Racism, stupidity, and harsh judgements abound. The grammar is enough to make any intelligent person cry. However, not all awfulness is created equal. Some sites have comments that sink to a special level appalling and we here at Crasstalk are ready to determine just who really is the worst of the worst.

How It Works: The tournament begins with eight competitors selected from a previous discussion in our Open Threads. There are four brackets.  Readers will vote for the winners in each match-up to determine who continues to the next round. Please support you choice by posting particularly dreadful comments or screenshots in the comments of this post.

Voting for this round closes at midnight EST tonight, April 3rd. The next round will be posted tomorrow morning. The final winner will be announced on Monday, April 8th at 8 PM.

Now, to our competitors:

Bracket One: Twitter vs. YouTube

Twitter: Designed for the poor speller, Twitter is a way for people to communicate the most boring and mundane aspects of their lives and pretend that is some kind of viewpoint on existence. It also allows for shallow discussions about complex issues. Typical User: Ann Coulter. Typical Tweet:

YouTube: Want to read something racist? Watch a YouTube video about dolphins, or watch a YouTube video about anything. Under any video on the site there is about a 90% chance that there is something racist, sexist, or homophobic posted under it. Also, YouTube has lots of conspiracy nuts so any video about news, science, or politics will attract folks explaining to you about false flags and the lizard people. Typical User: VonHelton. Typical Comment:

Bracket Two: FaceBook vs. Craig’s List Rant and Raves

Facebook: Facebook is a site that allows us to stay in contact with the people we avoided before the invention of Facebook. Now instead of enduring these folks at family funerals or high school reunions, we get to see what they are thinking about every single day. Neat! Even the dumbest people can open a Facebook account, and it shows. Typical User: Sarah Palin. Typical Post:

Craigslist: Yeah, I know, old school, but they deserve a special shot for lifetime achievement. The very worst of the Internet flock to Craigslist to sell used furniture, get laid, or bitch in the Rant and Rave Section. All of the bitterness in the world seems to come here to breed and multiply. Typical User: The next serial killer they apprehend in your town. Typical Post:

Bracket Three: Yelp vs. The Huffington Post

Yelp: Yelp is a site that allows consumers to rate the places they go. Unfortunately, it turns out many consumers are spoiled, whiny, or just plain stupid. While this is a great idea in theory, in reality Yelp has become a way for customers to bully and harass business owners when they don’t get special treatment, and Yelp sales people have been accused of essentially blackmailing business owners who refuse to advertise. Also, there are Yelp reviews for pretty much everywhere no matter how pointless. Typical User: Comic Book Guy. Typical Post: 

The Huffington Post: News central for America’s less-inquisitive liberals, HuffPo has become a cash machine. While trying to be a source for political news the site still manages to add enough celebrity crap to attract the annoying people who would normally stay over at TMZ. Because teatards think HuffPo is a bastion of liberal thought they constantly show up to add their derp. They do have moderators, but the tide of fail is usually to strong for them to stem. Average user: Fucking Arianna. Typical Comment:

Note: This argument goes on for 70 more comments.

Bracket Four: Yahoo News vs. The Blaze

Yahoo News: Yahoo News may be the worst place on the Internet to actually get news. The site seems to employ the absolute worst news writers just to spite its readers, and the stories are often lazy link bait. However, what really distinguishes Yahoo News is its absolutely batshit commenters. This is the news site that your creepy uncle Phil reads from his dilapidated assisted living facility in Boynton Beach. Since you blocked him on Facebook, he is over on this site telling all the racist jokes that got him banned from Thanksgiving a few years ago. No topic on this site, no matter how innocuous or unrelated, fails to elicit hateful responses about President Obama. Typical User: Someone on Medicare who hates the government, people who still bother with Yahoo email accounts. Typical Comments:

The Blaze: In past years this spot would have been taken by the rabble over at Fox nation, but a new young competitor has overtaken them as the spot for wing nuts. Glen Beck’s The Blaze is an eclectic mix of xenophobia, gold advertisements, and weird PR pieces for Beck himself. If you want to know the conservative outrage of the day, head over to The Blaze. While Yahoo News may be the tested veteran, The Blaze has the moxie only an over-confident youngster can possess. Typical users: That guy with all the NOBAMA stickers on his about to be repossessed truck, oppressed white people. Typical Comments:

Now that you have the competitors place your votes and make the case for your picks below.