There is a double Johns (Travolta and Olivia Newton) music video that you must see to be believed; Lifetime to get preachy; George Zimmerman is still a horrible human being; Rom-Com aficionado, James Marsden, tackles the hapless female (Oy); Justin Bieber will be Grammy-less and people (one person) is mad; BWAP, BWAP, BWAP A Tron Sequel trailer will make this noise we bet.
OH, DEAR GOD! Um, uh, there is so much to say about this music video starring John Travolta and Olivia Newton John. We’re not sure where to begin with the questions. Okay, okay, what the spray-on, hair pelt of insanity is on Travolta’s head? Is this hair? Is it a helmet designed for Magneto? Why? The line-dancing. No, no, we mean THE STIFF LINE DANCING? Is it always done this way, or was this a special thing Travolta and John decided the world needed to see? It says, “Here, we’re gonna dance with our buttholes pushed as tightly into our pelvic region as we can humanly manage!” And then there’s the acting. That is what you call the thing two people who’ve been actors for at least three decades are doing right now, yes? THE RUNNING! THE EMBRACING! The wallet chain? And then there’s chin hair and matching sweaters, and now we’ve just given up. We can’t watch anymore. [Vulture]
Lifetime, the network for ladies with lady parts, has announced a new series. Oh, goody. What kind of Steel Magnolias/Liz and Dick shenanigans are they getting up to now? Are they remaking Pretty Woman starring Amanda Bynes and Charlie Sheen? No? Okay. They’ve ordered eight one-hour episodes of something called Preachers’ Daughters starring John Cougar Mellencamp and the Olsen twins. No, this is totally not real, not with Mellencamp and the twins, but you could totally see it happening, right? Apparently this will be a docu-soap about the teenage daughters of worried pastors. So, Honey Boo Boo Jesus, then? HA! That would be awful and a ratings cash cow. Anyway, that’s what’s happening in the world of fallopians. Eat more calcium. [Deadline]
This jerk. Trayvon Martin’s killer, George Zimmerman, who is reportedly out of money, is suing NBC over an edited 911 tape. Urgh. Whatever, you forever horrible person. Zimmerman claims he suffered “severe and extreme emotional stress” over the edited tape and the perception it created and he’s asking for damages and substantial compensation because someone in the world may have come to the conclusion that he killed an unarmed kid. Some of the, we imagine wholly asinine, legal thing says, “NBC created this false and defamatory misimpression using the oldest form of yellow journalism…” We’d like to ensure Zimmerman gets not a red cent for saying something was a “misimpression.” Sure, it’s a word, but it sounds like something a stupid person would say and use in a silly, trumped up lawsuit. [Deadline]
James Marsden, who we’re unsure if he’ll reprise his scintillating role as Cyclops in the X-Men franchise, has decided to stay firmly in the seat rom-coms built. He’ll star opposite Elizabeth Banks in a movie about an uptight news anchor in the sleazily named Walk of Shame, whose big network job interview derails after a series of madcap mishaps! Oh, ho! This sounds like a role most every woman is dying to play! Can’t you just imagine that she’ll be walking around in ripped pantyhose with one broken heel in no time? Maybe a NYC taxi will splash her with muddy water to larfs and larfs. And then we suppose Marsden will play the cute, but unaffected, snarky guy who makes things worse, just before, yup, he makes it all better with his sexy, mouth kisses and heaving body pressed against hers before she runs out of the room and right into the boss who has a steaming cup of coffee he pours all over himself! Oh, funtimes, those madcap mishap movies! Great. [Deadline]
Justin Bieber’s baby-named henchman, Scooter Braun, who is also his manager and number one fan, apparently, is angry that The Biebs received no Grammy nominations last night. “I just plain DISAGREE. The kid deserved it. Grammy board u blew it on this one.” he tweeted petulantly. He was then sent to his room without an extra cookie. Bieber’s third album Believe which we suppose is made of elfin magic and the pubescent tears of a mannequin, who really just wants to be a real boy, had a couple top 10 singles. So that should be enough to earn it a Grammy nod, yes? We really don’t know how these things work. Is a Grammy earned from money banked, or all the talent housed in one scrawny kid’s Adam’s apple? Well, whatever it is, it isn’t working for Justin Bieber right now. Maybe he needs to do something drastic like wear more overalls and purple sneakers or something. [THR]
Oh, joy. Disney thinks one thing we all wanted for Christmas is another Tron movie. Remember the 2010 Tron movie? The one that had Jeff Bridges in youngface? That one. Well, they’re gonna do a second one of these things, or actually that’s a third one if you’re counting the first one from the 1980zzzz. So, get ready everyone for another sure to be trailer with that abominable Inception, War of the Worlds, huge, alien, horn blast. Oh, yes. What? Did you think you wouldn’t get a trailer with that stupid noise? Oh, no. A Tron sequel-sequel is the prime place and time for that kind of ear pollution and maybe something with a chainsaw mixed with a car engine. That noise could represent the aliens copulating into yet another horrible remake sequel. We’ll call it, BattleTronShips. [Vulture]
