Sheesh. Nothing is sacred. Not anymore. Elmo as we know it is gone. Also, Kelsey Grammer will have to smile at his one Boss Golden Globe. He won’t be getting another. On the bright side, The Walking Dead may have just gotten more awesome if that’s possible. NBC despite its sweeps success is still a stupid network. Barbara Walters thinks potty mouth dogs are interesting. Oh, Paula Abdul, really? Really. And Downton Abbey we have a bone to pick with you! Hugh Laurie, we don’t mean crossbones.
Urgh. This is just one of those stories that keeps getting worse and worse, right? After attempting to fight his way back from a sex scandal last week wherein an accuser floated the idea that Kevin Clash, beloved voice of Elmo, engaged in underage sex, Clash took a leave of absence from Sesame Street. Shortly after, his accuser recanted the story and then went on to recant his recantation as well as attempt to undo his settlement. Sigh. We were all prepared to be like “Whatever!” But now a second accuser has risen out of the money-game ashes to accuse Clash of soliciting teen boys over a phone sex line. We’ve all learned so much for Sex Scandal 101, or called by its other name, “John Travolta Massage Worker Funtimes” haven’t we? Given the fact that it’s now known that money can be had for any tale of woe involving sex, there’s no telling how many NYC subway photographed young men will flood the airwaves claiming a relationship with Clash, so he’s effectively resigned from Sesame Street after 28 years. [Vulture]
And the hits keep on coming. Once critically acclaimed Starz drama, Boss, starring Kelsey Grammer has been canceled due to low ratings. Bummer. Boss started out so well. It was gritty and dark; full of shadowy characters and lots of intrigue and political gymnastics, which won Grammer a Golden Globe for the effort. And then season 2 happened and this schlocky mess of thing showed up full of wanton sex and stupid dream sequences, noxious storylines and just a whole load of sensational television crapola! We have no idea who screwed with the original formula, but it’s pretty apparent this person thought the Band-Aid the show needed was called “Sleaze.” And well, if you want salacious boning and barbaric actions on Starz watch fooking Spartacus. Boss should’ve been left alone. [Vulture]
Because we needed some good news, number one hit cable drama, The Walking Dead has added Chad Coleman (Cutty from The Wire! Yay!) to the cast to play Tyreese. According to Vulture, Tyreese is one of the more popular characters from the comic. More popular than Michonne? Maybe. We’ll see. Michonne is almost exhausting the level of badass that exists in this world. Is Tyreese her match? Can’t wait to find out. There is speculation that Tyreese will be on board for the eventual showdown with The Governor. All Walking Dead fans squeal right now! [Vulture]
NBC, that network full of crazy ideas like doctor monkeys and worlds without power, except they have power, or whatever, is doing a pirate show, remember? We thought this was one of NBC’s better ideas. You know in the same vein as the show about a superhero cape and something about an underwater sea monster, and everything else fanciful and epically successful on this show. HA! We’re just kidding. A pirate show. This sounds like something you imagine after a bender of some kind. AND it’s going to be called Crossbones of all things. Like the skull and crossbones thing to indicate pirates. So literal NBC. Just think if you guys weren’t around to explain things to us. BUT! The great thing about Crossbones is that Hugh Laurie is in talks to play Blackbeard. Oh, ho, Blackbeard. Who would’ve thunk you’d hear Blackbeard outside of a Disney ride. Frankly, we could care less about Blackbeard, we just want NBC to rig up an animatronic crocodile named Tick-Tock so we can really enjoy this whole pirate thing! No, not ever. [Vulture]
Beloved chat and chew artist, Barbara Walters has unveiled a partial list of who will be part of her Barbara Walters Presents: The 10 Most Fascinating People of the Year special. So far we’ve got, “Ben Affleck, whose Argo is an awards-season front-runner; Family Guy‘s Seth MacFarlane; British boy band One Direction; Olympic gold medalist Gabby Douglas; New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, who gained national attention when Hurricane Sandy hit his state; Secretary of State Hillary Clinton; and EL James, the author behind the steamy phenomenon Fifty Shades of Grey.” So in the mix with the Secretary of State and an Olympian is a guy who makes animated poop and fart jokes for a living and another gal whose books when read on the subway let everyone else around that person know THEY’RE READING DIRTY, DIRTY, PORN! Okay. That makes total sense. We look forward to hearing Barbara explain her zeal for the book. Nope. We don’t. [THR]
Speaking of animation. We don’t know how we feel about this, but apparently tonight on your grandmother’s favorite high-stepping dance show, Dancing with the Jobless Stars, Paula Abdul will reunite with MC Skat Kat, the animated cat she danced with (and felt her boobs in a bit of gross-why?) in her 1989 music video for “Opposites Attract.” We are confounded by this, much like MC Hammer coming out of retirement to take the stage with PSY during the American Music Awards. It seems a little bit desperate and sad, but we’ll shake our heads in agreement because just what else are these people really going to do? Just really? [THR]
Oh, joy! Well, kind of. You know Downton Abbey that little breathlessly, romantic show about Mitt Romney’s family living in the upstairs part of a home (castle) and some weird 47 percenters (waitstaff and homeless hobos) living in the basement? Well, the creators are pretty sure it will be coming back for a fourth season. America says, “Shut it! We haven’t seen the third season because it hasn’t aired in the US like you said it would months ago! Jerks.” We are quite bitter about not getting our Downton Abbey fix. That is all. [THR]
