OkCupid! You can meet creepy people there. One of the best parts of being female and on OKCupid is the occasional earnestly hilarious message. Here are a few from my inbox.
Subtoy[numbers redacted] says,
“Hi, how are you? I just came across your profile and I think you are gorgeous. I am 35, 6’4″ and submissive…know what i mean by that? ;)”
Eeek. I do. Probably pegging.
Mike[numbers redacted] gets the OKStupid Decent Email Gold Star of the week, writing,
“I too graduated space camp, and I was the 2nd runner up of the world narwhal rodeo championships back in ’09. So I guess that would make me 3rd…”
I like people who make jokes in their initial message, and clearly read my profile (I talk about narwhals). I would answer this if I weren’t a horribly lazy bitch who would rather make fun of my suitors than actually interact with them.
Sexytickles believes in truth in advertising, at least in a screen name:
“Sexy white boy here….be honest how ticklish are the insides of your upper arms near pits and do u like or hate touched there? :)”
I really don’t even. But I’m not ticklish, so this sexy white boy and I aren’t meant to be, sadly.
EightInchCock believes in total honesty:
“You are by far the most attractive person on here. Would you be interested in hooking up sometime?”
I only put that one in so you all know how good-looking I am in my profile pictures. Probably the most attractive person on the site. Why would a dude with an eight inch cock lie? If his name was “Ten Inch Cock,” okay, prone to hyperbole. Eight inches? Could be. And he thinks I’m pretty!
And yes, Broham[numbers redacted] generously offers, “Can I buy you a dildo?”
Sadly, Mr. Broham no longer has an active OKCupid account. For now, I must buy my own dildos.
Image: Flickr
