…and we’d like to tell them that they’re insane. Ok. Seriously, sure, fine, we get it. Let’s do exercise! It’s good for the body and the soul. It’s all about mind over matter, friends. “You can do it!” says Chuck Norris probably. Ok. We really hate Chuck Norris. Anyway, here’s this thing that will probably make your heart exit your body and ask you if you’ve lost your goddamn mind.
It’s not a hard concept really. Let’s affix some pegs to a moving bit of clapboard and then you’ll just suspend your body from it in a never-ending conveyor belt of wall, and then more wall, and then, well, yes — more wall. With the regular “Wall” you just go up and then come down again, this, yes, this is a challenge. How many pegs can you hoist your body onto before sliding down the treadwall and rolling under it in your own version of a YouTube video classic treadmill debacle?
Is this the ultimate workout? Maybe. Does it make us think that unless we have feline like abilities we’d be afraid of not being able to let go in time before the top of the wall eats us? Definitely. And then there’s the fact that Bob Barker is somewhere looking at this and saying, “That is the new workout thing?! Shit. I stood in front of the Showcase Showdown wheel and pulled that thing down for generations and nobody gave me an endorsement deal for squat!”
But we digress. It probably really is a super, duper way to get in shape, and if you’re one of these obstacle course, weekend warrior gym types who like a challenge and calluses on your kneecaps this is a sure bet to, uh, just DOMINATE FITNESS! Or maybe you’ll use it for interesting sex? Ok. Not the last one. Again, there’s the whole eating of body parts fear we mentioned up above. Maybe we should all just stick with Super Squats (Wait! There are mountains in Super Squat land now, DQ?! We so need to do some lunges first.) Sheesh. Our computer scroll finger is losing a lot of weight. That’s something, right?
Here, watch how to use a treadwall. Eyeball fitness! This is a thing, right?
