In ten years we’ve totally forgotten about Bennifer; Steel Magnolias will go on because the power of being in a bad mood for forty years is too compelling to ignore; NBC resurrects the 1990’s; Jim Lehrer in his own defense; and Christian Bale decides to make movies because duh!
Well, just Gigli our fears away why don’t you. Remember when “Ben Affleck” was synonymous with rubbing oil on JLo’s tuchus? That was like ten years ago! And since then boy has done wonders for his career. Well, not with Daredevil or Paycheck. That was like the cocaine ride after the heroin fall, but he’s done well with his little Bostonian movies about mumbly townies talking about busting skulls or whatever. Now, in a move that shows Affleck really does know how to use his noodle, he’s taken on a pseudo-political dramedy in Argo, directed by the impresario himself, and produced by bachelor sex pudding, George Clooney. And the buzz is very, very good. What we’ve learned is Affleck really is a big film auteur. He studies “the craft” and likes the 1970’s period. Heh. He really isn’t the big dumb lug who followed Matt Damon around with a chin made of wood planks. Remember what we said yesterday about Bruce Willis thinking he’s the 007 of Mutton Chops and leather suit jackets? We may have spoken too soon. Affleck is the guy with the 70’s swag. Argo is getting Oscar buzz, which may make JLo feel, we don’t know, a little wistful hiccup somewhere in her nude concert body stocking, maybe? We’re not really surprised by the buzz, though. All three Affleck-helmed movies have received the good kind of buzz in their Oscar years. So hometown boy does good. [Deadline]
Hey! Were you worried that you wouldn’t be able to see the non-Tyler Perry all African-American version of Steel Magnolias this Sunday night? You know the one that has the Rihanna song playing on loop nonstop during the commercial. “I came to win, to conquer, to fight….” Oh, Rihanna, we scared for you, girl. Well, don’t worry. A judge has thrown out the restraining order the original producer sought to stop the movie from airing. And we’re like, “Really, producer person?” We could see if maybe this was going to the silver screen AND the Madea Man-Suit, Tyler Perry, runiner of all things by throwing a pot of grits on it, was making it. But, this movie is airing on Lifetime, the network for ladies with ladyparts. The very same network about to roll out the Elizabeth Taylor biopic starring roadside car accident Snuffleupagus, Lindsay Lohan. You just can’t be that threatened. You leave Claire Huxtable and the star of Beauty Shop alone to make us cry when Shelby dies and M’Lynn has a breakdown in the cemetery. Shut up. You all know how this movie ends. “Too twisted for color TV, Clairee.” Are they still keeping Annelle? I so loathed Annelle. [Deadline]
NBC in their infinite wisdom has decided to pick up a show that ended years ago on another network. Remember Party of Five about the eldest of five siblings having to raise the other four after a tragic accident claimed the lives of their parents? So! NBC has ordered a script that sounds exactly like this instead the kids in the family are between the ages of 15 and 30-plus, because obviously we’re talking about a family of Duggars. But get this; the main plot of the show has to do with the oldest sibling. He’s a black sheep prankster! You got that?! So he’ll be making jokes and things. Sort of like all the screwball, zany comedy that happened on another long ago show from ABC’s TGIFriday lineup, Step By Step, where there were a lot of kids and a lot of goofball things happened! Right? Right. Sigh. This little gem comes to you direct from Chris McKenna, the guy who gave us Community and The Mindy Project. But, but, NBC never really gave Community its due, and The Mindy Project is like a vapid shtick that plays continuously, forever. We’re so excited for this! If by excited we mean heckling Revolution and laughing at all the swords. [THR]
Jim Lehrer, despite our suggestion, will not be shuttled off into obscurity to create a new stellar brand of microwave popcorn called, “Silent, Stutter-Pop!” but who is actively defending his role in Wednesday night’s presidential debate where he was steam rolled so much, if he were a cartoon, he’d be lifted off the ground with a skid mark across his torso. He says, “It’s not my job to control the conversation. If the candidates gave me resistance, and I let them talk, to me that’s being an active moderator, not a passive moderator,” Lehrer told Politico. Hmm, let’s see. “If the candidates give me resistance and I let them talk that’s being an active moderator?” We think that’s being a doormat who doesn’t implore the candidates adhere to the rules you’ve set. If not, you could just say, “In this debate I’ll occasionally throw out a question and let everyone talk until they get tired while I nod and stutter in their general direction until 90 minutes run out and I’m too exhausted to say anything else. Pundits you take over now!” No, Jim. You were out-moderated by a walking pathological windbag and his gob smacked opponent. Time for the popping corn. [THR]
Christian Bale, who we believe should totally do the Bill O’Reilly biopic so he can say, “Fuck it! We’ll Do It Live!,” has stopped playing coy with David O. Russell’s untitled FBI and con artists film (It was called American Bullshit ridiculously). Well, that’s nice. You were just Batman, what exactly do you have to lose? It’s not like anyone is asking you to lose 100 pounds, or take a few hits to the face as a fighter, or sound like a strangled goose gargling chunks of gravel covered in glass, right? We’re sure you can spend the time doing a thinky-think movie with Bradley Cooper, Jeremy Renner, and Amy Adams. That’s like half a George Clooney Italian villa guest list right there. The movie pits Bale and Adams against a bunch of dirty politicians and mobsters. Renner will put down his stupid Van Helsing looking Hansel and Gretel bow and arrow to play the mayor in this high stakes drama. So perhaps he’s not on the road to being Hugh Jackman’s long lost son named “Fierce Wombat” in the next Wolverine installment after all. In the meantime we’re just hoping the role doesn’t call for Bale to affect an accent, because that never goes over well. I’m Batman. [Vulture]
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