Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan, dynamic duo of money hoarding and rich-shielding insanity have a momentous day and prep for Sunday’s news shows has just begun; Olympian Ryan Lochte wants into your living room after the Olympics are done; Russell Crowe’s facial hair the mark of success; Keira Knightley to scream and maybe fall down; Bill & Ted probably have mortgages; and NBC wants to Game your Throne their way.
So, Mitt “Money Bills” Romney has tapped Opie-faced Congressional hobo Paul Ryan to be his running mate. And after Obama, Biden and the team laughed and laughed, and then the Democrats high-fived and started photo-shopping Ryan’s head on Sarah Palin’s body, Hollywood had some time to react. The funniest of all comments so far, even though Michael McKean of Laverne & Shirley fame had this little gem, “Ryan says Ayn Rand was his inspiration to enter public service, which is a little like Ray Kroc inspiring a career in nutrition” there was this one by Kal Penn, former White House employee and thrilling actor of the Harold and Kumar series, “This is awful. I was hoping it would be Jindal so I could play him in the HBO movie.” Oh, yes, Mitt Romney. Your naming Ryan as your VP pick is not only entertaining to all of America, but especially those hoping selfishly to play Bobby Jindal in an HBO movie called Moneybags &Me: The Story of How I Went From NBC Page to the White House. Not to be outdone, Rupert Murdoch also fawned moneyily and old man miserly over the nomination and tweeted, “Thank God! Now we might have a real election on the great issues of the day. Paul Ryan almost perfect choice” but Murdoch’s an evil, pre-historic monster, so his feelings only matter in the way a mysterious Sleestak’s would. But if Romney’s news dump announcement was done for the purpose of the Sunday political shows, he may have succeeded there. CNN is now jockeying their Sunday schedule to be able to discuss RMoney and his sidekick Flying Robin Ryan. Not affected? Fareed Zakaria who’s been suspended for plagiarism. D’oh! Somehow we think Wolf Blitzer is somewhere smirking. No real reason. Just that he’s now covering Zakaria’s time slot because of his dirty copy and pasting. This means more Wolf all the time. [THR Deadline]
Everybody’s favorite cavorting, pool-peeing, star-spangled America grill-grinning, Olympian, Ryan Lochte, could become a hoof stepper on Grandma’s tap-dancin, girdle show, Dancing With the Stars, or on that other Jilted Jerks on TV show, The Bachelor. Lochte sat down with Matt Lauer and discussed his gold medals and the possibility of turning his already douchey fame into more douchey fame by appearing on either of these shows. We’re going to go ahead and say that we believe Lochte is rapidly becoming the Tucker Max of the Olympics, no? Yes. Dude, your mom thinks you’re an unrepentant, skeeze-fapping, coochhound and you admit to taking a repeated whizz in the pool! How are you not Tucker Max? [THR]
So to add to his repertoire of epic movies, Russell Crowe will take on Noah of the Chili Cheese Fries Noahs from the Lansing, Michigan Applebee’s. Ha! No, silly. He’ll be Noah of the large boat filled with co-stars from Kevin James’ last movie. He’s currently on set and took a few pictures of himself which were sent in to USA Today via the 1970’s Instagram filter. He’s totally doing duck lips and posing in ripped leggings while eating a cupcake. HA! No, silly. He’s looking very stoic while wearing some sort of Noah-esque chic burlap chest covering while billowing bits of Russell Crowe hair pelt blows in the wind pensively. THR is mightily impressed with his facial hair thus far. This will probably mark the success or failure of the film. [THR]
What the hell happened to Keira Knightley? Wasn’t she like the “It Girl” of the mid 00’s? She was all Britishy and awkward, charming and enchanting with her lovely delicateness. She twittered her way through Jane Austen and other longing, haunting romances, and then, well, with the exception of 101 Pirates of the Caribbean farce-fests, she faded a bit, right? Emily Blunt. Yep. Emily Blunt took her place in that piece of our movie minds that stays open for soft focus British girls. Well, Keira isn’t going to take that crap lying down in a bed of moss sprung with white lilies. No, sir. She’s just landed the lead in Jack Ryan opposite Chris Pine. She’ll play his wife. You know the person Jack Ryan (Pine) will be in a race against time to save. Yawn. Oops. No, wait. It could be really good! The running out of time to save your wife thing is still so relevant and unexpected! [THR]
Remember how we told you that thespian lake house owner Keanu Reeves was eyeing a Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure threequel script last year? Well, it looks like an actual movie could happen! There’s a script and a director, and both Reeves and Alex Winter are on board to reprise their roles – so like this is a thing that could actually come to fruition. Things are looking mighty good. This is pretty exciting news. While you all know how much we loathe 80’s movie remakes, we are intrigued by the notion of actors reprising their beloved roles in modern day. Sure, sure, it doesn’t say much for Hollywood’s originality, but we’ll take its recognition of fun little timeless movies that don’t come around as frequently as they’d like as a step in the right direction. So we like this idea. Just think about it, a Heathers sequel. Could you imagine? [Vulture]
NBC sounds a little jealous of Game of Thrones’ success. So jealous that they’ve squired their own epic drama and are in the works of making it something fantastical and full of magic. This would be the story of Cleopatra naturally. NBC has landed the period drama about the famous Egyptian queen produced by Di Bonaventura Pictures TV and ABC Studios. The project is described as “an epic romance set in a world of sorcery, gods and monsters that centers on Cleopatra, Mark Antony and Julius Caesar. The young queen makes a sacred pact with a goddess to win back her throne, igniting a curse and an infamous love triangle that changes the course of history, forever ending the 4,000 year dominion of the Pharaoh.” Yeah, really? This is the story of Cleopatra? Where the hell are Brendan Fraser and all those damnable sand mummies? You mean that’s not what this is? That is totally what this is. [Deadline]
Image Source: Win McNamee/Getty Images
