Well, it seems like just yesterday Mitt “Golden Commode” Romney was over the moon by his VP pick, Paul “Flambé the Olds” Ryan.
No, seriously, it was just Saturday when he trotted out Ryan in a Baby Bjorn chest sling affixed to his breast while he whispered soothing, nonsensical commandments to his middle-class siphoning, hair doppelganger, budget maker-in-arms soldier spawn. Oh, how Romney praised and covered the ground with fishes as Ryan trekked his way across the stage. The look on his face a cross between benevolent father figure and self-satisfied, sausage fingered tea-party vote hauling thief, as he stuffs the wants and whims of the scurrilous fringe into his gaping maw while laughing the laugh of a thousand elderly citizen tears as they leak from the distant laser dot glowing inside his occipital lobe.
But that was Saturday.
Yesterday after the hoopla surrounding Ryan’s plan to kick your grandpa in the balls and then throw him out in the snow with a bag of cat litter and a hobo stick for frying hot dogs over an open flame — became the central focus — Romney already seeks to distance himself from throwing all old people out of moving vehicles while careening through the Mojave desert. He stated:
I have my budget plan,” he said, “And that’s the budget plan we’re going to run on.”
The plan he claims not to be referring to is Ryan’s budget plan whom Obama’s senior campaign adviser David Axelrod still calls, “the Ryan-Romney plan” which is meant to “thrill the most strident voices in the Republican Party, but it’s one that should trouble everybody else – the middle class, seniors, students.”
As Yahoo News reports, this is the plan wherein seniors would need to set up a voucher-like system to let future retirees shop for private health coverage or choose the traditional program – a plan that independent budget analysts say would probably mean smaller increases in benefits than current law would provide. The plan would turn Medicare into a program in which future seniors would receive government checks that they could use to purchase health insurance — a huge gamble in an election year especially with regard to critical states like Florida and Ohio. Under the current program, the government directly pays doctors, hospitals and other health care providers. In addition, Ryan’s plan would also cut projected spending for Medicaid, which provides health care for the poor, as well as food stamps, student loans and other social programs that Obama and Democrats have steadfastly defended.
But despite the joint appearance on 60 Minutes last night, Romney wants to make it clear that while he’s thankful for Ryan’s energy, enthusiasm, haul of more conservative voters, the momentary deflection from those damnable taxes he won’t release, a disastrous foreign policy showing over the last few weeks, and an all-around poop-littered quagmire he’s gotten himself into lately – if they should win the election, “Ryan will surely be consulted in big decisions – along with other individuals.” He added: “Obviously I have to make the final call in important decisions.”
Yes, yes, of course you do, Mitt. Since you’ve made so very clear how you plan to accomplish “things” and make important decisions for the American people thus far. Wink, wink. Blank stare. Questioning look. Dressage horse whinnies. Loud cavernous echo that extends though time without a response. Yep, seems like the biggest decision he’s made is choosing Ryan out of the pile of wooden clapboard prairie fences that were considered viable candidates. And this big announcement comes on the heels of Millhouse Romney wanting to talk to Nelson Obama behind the bleachers about calling off questions into his taxes and business record because he was feeling bullied waahh, waahhh. So Romney is looking at this whole Ryan thing as if he showed up for the Prom just when Romney thought he’d have to take his cousin, Joanne. “The young upstart will save me. He will change the conversation. He will have new ideas that I can drink like life’s essences! He will make me likable and approachable! His charm and big, baby blue eyes will bespell all the naysayers who think I’m a robotic overlord and a charlatan of the first order! Hail, hail my freedom. I will gorge on his vitality!”
And just what does he think of Ryan? He praises Ryan’s policy depth and analytical skills. Yep. Somehow we think the fact that Ryan had the ability to put together any type of plan for Congress albeit one that’s being nicknamed “the granny starver” is keenly important to the man who hasn’t put together a plan for anything yet, or discussed what a future plan might entail.
“This is Day Two for me,” a gleeful Romney told a campaign rally in Moorseville, N.C. “This is Day Two on our comeback tour to get America strong again, to rebuild the promise of America.”
HA! Sure, he means a comeback for ‘Merica and not his stupid, fueled on bullshit and wherever the wind blows, campaign. Sure, that’s what he means.
Hat-tip to commenter GloriousShoes.
Image Source: Justin Sullivan, Getty Images
