Firefly is still awesome; DirectTV customers feel the pain; Starz is a legitimate channel, vampire validation; Russell Crowe full of bite; Magic Mike again and again; Ed Helms had better not fail, we’re watching.
Well, this is probably the bestest science-fiction news I’ve heard all day. And with Comic Con going on, it’s a veritable Templeton smorgasbord of sci-fi wonderment and effervescent joy happening right now. But nothing as gilded-fabulous as hearing that in celebration of the 10th anniversary of Firefly, there will be a reunion special! Oh joy, JOY, JOY! The Science Channel, which champions Firefly like no other long cancelled television series on Earth, is filming the new show titled, Browncoats Unite, because what else would you call it, The Alliance is a Bunch of Douchebags? and it will contain footage from this coming Friday’s Comic-Con reunion panel featuring Mr. Thigh Guns himself, Nathan Fillion (Mal!), creator Joss Whedon, Alan Tudyk (Wash!), Summer Glau (River!), Adam Baldwin (Jayne!), Sean Maher (Simon!), showrunner Tim Minear, and writer Jose Molina. What? No, Gina Torres, Morena Baccarin, Jewel Staite, or Ron Glass? Okay. Fine. EW reports, “The special, produced by Pangolin Pictures, promises to unearth defining memories and first-person accounts of making the show from both sides of the camera.” That sounds super spectacular. Can’t wait. Of course this means there’ll be a sequel or another television series. Shut up. I can hope. Browncoats Unite will air on Science, along with an all-day marathon of Firefly episodes, on Sunday, Nov. 11.[EW]
So, um, you guys with DirectTV, yeah, so the whole teevee thing. You don’t need it much right? I mean, you guys can totally watch stuff online, right? You know download stuff from Netflix, or all huddle around your laptops while watching HULU, yes? ‘Cause you know Viacom and DirectTV are having some sort of crazy rich people standoff about carriage fees, and you guys, the viewers, are caught in the middle? Sigh. This is why they don’t let regular people into these meetings. Why? Because you’d just slap everyone, right? Well, I would. You know, slap everyone. Especially the main fat cat who’d attempt to keep me away from Jon Stewart. But yeah, you guys have kind of lost access to Nickelodeon, Comedy Central, MTV, BET, VH1, CMT, Logo, Spike, TV Land, MTV2, VH1 Classic, Palladia, Nick Jr., NickToons, TeenNick, Nickelodeon West, Tr3s, Centric, MTV India, Nickelodeon HD, Comedy Central HD, MTV HD, BET HD, VH1 HD, CMT HD and Spike HD. I’m not sure where you’ll get your Mob Wives fix, see Stewart or Colbert, or whatever crap-wrapped-in-a-Jersey-Shore-blanket that exists on MTV, but it doesn’t look like it’ll be resolved today. The blackout shall continue. Seriously, start threatening to slap people. [Variety]
The Starz cable network, which has really done some interesting things since becoming a network with original programming, would like to continue bringing you new things. Things about aliens and vampires. Wait. We thought new things, not things we’ve seen for the last few years. Where the hell are the zombies, huh? Really? Aliens and Vampires? We need new monsters like toxic C.H.U.D. vampires that are really alien zombies. Well, why not? Some sort of toxic goo could have fallen on a bunch of vampires living on a Mars colony, turning them into reanimated space zombies (who says only Earth corners the market on vampires OR zombies?) and there you have it. Blood C.H.U.Ds. This is totally a new show for Starz if Incursion, an action-thriller that follows a squad of soldiers caught in a war against a hostile alien race, or Vlad Dracula the world’s most feared vampire, fall through. [EW]
Speaking of Dracula since he’s all the rage in 2012, Russell Crowe will play the undead castle-dweller in a reimagining of Bram Stoker’s Dracula brought to you by Eli Roth, creator of the Hostel franchise. This sounds like a huge, gigantor mistake of schlock-level proportions. Just what is Russell Crow doing lately? He and Liam Neeson are going to team up in a buddy comedy called, Old Drunk Lords and the Sundance Kid. I’m not waiting for that. [Deadline]
Channing Steakum Potatoes is talking about a sequel to Magic Mike, which we hope will be called Magic Mike 2: Feel My Pecs. We have no idea what more to the story remains, but undoubtedly it’ll be about lap dances and ab rolls, so really, what else is there to say? Oh, except, Channing also hopes to make Magic Mike a Broadway show. This is the world we live in, folks. Any old cartoon animal, a big green ogre, or a gyrating dong can have a Broadway show. [EW] [Broadway.com]
Not sure how we feel about this one. Ed Helms, the newest sad-sack, schlubby guy looking for love at a hooker’s door in recent indie movies, is being eyed as the lead in the reboot of National Lampoon’s Vacation. Durrr. Say what you will about modern Chevy Chase, but no one was better at playing Clark Griswold than he. We’re not sure if we can even see another actor try and put on that Wally World visor and give it a go. It’ll be like looking at old photos of our dad and having him replaced with Jerry Lewis or something. Not sure what we’ll do if Helms tries to buy us off with new slapstick and even better Clark freak-out moments. [Vulture]
