Tara has no idea that she’s going to have to deal with vampire religiosity soon. I’m sure she’ll be really excited about that–though at least the Lilith Bible, as far as I can tell, does not frown upon leather lingerie and pole dancing.
There was so much nonsense going on in this week’s episode of True Blood that I struggled to only choose five of the best (worst?) telenovela faces. For example, we learned that Lilith has perfectly groomed pubic hair. Created in God’s image, indeed. We also learned that Lilith’s blood is like the vampire version of peyote, which is obviously a television goldmine. Seriously, I could have just screengrabbed every second of the drugged vampire frenzy and called it a day. But instead, here is a variety of jerks doing dumb stuff in last night’s “In the Beginning.”
1. Sam is literally rolling around on the floor at a crime scene, sniffing. Nothing weird here!
2. Alcide’s utterly boring and predictable hot werewolf flirt/fight scene concludes with the best derp face seen on a beautiful male ever.
3. Arlene, watching that ENTIRE WEDDING VIDEO was more painful for us than it was for you.
4. Vampire peyote, man, I’m telling you. This sequence might truly be the best thing that ever happened in this dumb show’s history.
5. Eric’s rage is gross and sexy, especially when he’s insulting someone’s shitty heartbeat. I wish I could do that.
And some honorable non-face mentions:
Hate groups are full of love.
Now this is a love connection I want to see more of.
Sookie’s pretty pretty princess bedroom is unpardonable.
See you all next week, unfortunately!
