The Hollywood Caller: NBC Wants You After the Olympics

NBC has a plan to keep you riveted to your seat after the London Olympics; Naomi Campbell to give us all nightmares…maybe; the Two and a Half People Show to continue chugging along; HBO wins some, loses some.

Wonderfully horrible network, NBC, will attempt to capitalize on all the eyeballs the London Olympics drags in — because what are we if not whorefaces for swimming and gymnastics — and will unveil a new slate of television-mangling starting in August. Chanandler Bong’s (Matthew Perry) new show, Go On will air, as well as something starring Anne Heche wherein she talks to God, or sees God, or has some sort of alien-brain meltdown about God based on her own life. No! That happened, but this will be something called Save Me. The new Ryan Murphy/Ali Adler blended family comedy My Two Dads, The New Normal, will also bow during the month. Well, that’s something! Should be fun watching NBC throw stuff at the wall to see what sticks right when we’re all on downers after the Olympics leaves town. They’ll also put Grimm in a time slot somewhere, and this is where we roll our eyes and realize NBC is still that drunk uncle who always wants to show you shrapnel in his knee while talking about how much his dog can eat before dragging its butt across the carpet. Oh, NBC, your dog is gross. [Deadline]

Oh, jeepers. This may be the scariest thing you’ll hear all day. Naomi Campbell of cell-phone hurling, assistant slapping, fame will appear on an Oxygen network modeling reality show. Er, yeah, the network which already has several shows about throwing things at people and random slapping will now host the woman who made it popular. Campbell and two other coaches, as yet unnamed, will mentor a team through the rigors of the modeling industries. Hoo-boy. And um, what will happen if said models don’t take well to Campbell’s coaching style? Iron stocks? Bamboo shoots up the fingernails? Tyra Banks to appear out of nowhere to do PTSD counseling? I dunno. This sounds like a risky undertaking, but you know, good luck to everyone involved! Oxygen? How’s your insurance coverage and legal representation? Oh, no, I don’t mean to imply…okay, yes, that’s exactly what I’m implying. [Deadline]

That show, Two and a Half Men-Goofs and Fart Sandwiches or whatever it’s called will be back for its tenth season. This is a tragedy. This is like hearing Cop Rock just got renewed. What on earth could possibly be left to do in this show about single men over the age of thirty living together and discussing their prostates, or blind dates, or man-purses made out of snot and ball sacks, or all other make believe things people who make upwards of $300,000 per episode are told to talk about while they laugh manically at the rubes who watch them when they’re not making diamond and dollar bill tacos with all their money! Stop watching this crap, America! Ashton Kutcher’s chin is rich enough. [Deadline]

HBO has decided not to move forward with a television show, because this is what responsible television networks do when things aren’t working. They will pass on the expensive adaptation of Jonathan Franzen’s best-seller titled, The Corrections. The family drama was to star Chris Cooper and Dianne Weist, who play a married couple to their adult children, played by Ewan McGregor and Maggie Gyllenhaal. So this seemed like it could have been something! But oh, well, we trust HBO. Perhaps it was just too expensive, or maybe given the competition for powerhouse cable shows, maybe it just wasn’t good enough to cut it, and well, no one wants to be the network with Game of Thrones — AND that boring thing about feelings and mom’s meatloaf and peas. It’s better to find that second bit of lightening than to settle for mediocre flashes in the pan, eh? [THR]

Huzzah! HBO may have scrapped the family thing, but they’ve picked up a cop drama starring real life friends Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson. For eight episodes, the two will tackle a project written by Nic Pizzolatto called True Detective. They’ll play detectives whose lives become entangled while searching for a serial killer in Louisiana. Uh-huh sounds gritty and pretty dang fabulous. We love Harrelson whose turn in this year’s Game Change was nothing short of awesome, so it makes sense that HBO would want to tap into that bit of buzz and put Woody out there once again playing someone who we can only imagine will be a bit of an intense dude. And as long as McConaughey keeps his shirt on, we can just imagine the tension between the two, and well, the banter should be great. I imagine a modern day cowboy story. Get yer spittoons ready! [THR]

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