Franco still has something to say, apparently; SNL believes in robots; Vince Vaughn just woke up from a nap; AMC knows what you like; and Tom Cruise wants to fight in the future or on his home planet, six of one.
Urgh. Can we just say that James Franco is a huge dickwad? Like seriously a self-involved muppet person? He’s got a Tribeca Film coming out called Francophrenia of all things. Is this the fear of overbearing assholes? Because this is the definition I’m going with. Apparently the film is about a TV actor who confuses his true self with his character. He also recites long monologues about manipulating reality. Face. Wall. Of course this is what a film about James Franco and his many alter egos would be about. What have you done except chop off your hand and eat pot brownies at the Oscars that makes you worthy of continued awe?! Piss off, Franco. [THR]
Oh, geesh. SNL has decided that it would like to do some comedy beta testing and thinks the best way to do this is to arm Mitt Romney with some sort of humor microchip. They’ve asked him to host the show, and this will be a disaster. No, oh, hoo, it will be the comedic dream of a century, but not because he’s anywhere near humorous, but because we’ll get to hear the canned laughter that resides inside the tin can shell of Mitt Romney’s joke canister which is probably fastened somewhere behind his small, plastic heart someone liberated from the patient in the Operation game and then implanted it into the Mitt-bot 2600 made by Atari. Probably if you open his tin can to listen to the laugh track you’ll also hear the scampering of little mice feet as they try and find a nook or cranny to hide in once the Mitt Romney robotic joke canister is open. We imagine the amount of care the SNL team will have to use to make sure his laugh box doesn’t get stuck on repeat. [Deadline]
Bleary-eyed, rumpled-shirt, guy, Vince Vaughn is still acting. Well, if you call eating sloppy joes, and having a continuous hot dog eating contest with the likes of Kevin James and Owen Wilson for the last five years or so, acting. Now, he’ll get to play someone from the scavenged husk of NBC, and take on a feature film adaptation of The Rockford Files. He’ll play the title role made famous by James Garner. This is a terrible idea. Mostly because Vince Vaughn can only do the one thing that he does — confused, irritable, eye-rolling assholery, while he mocks whatever female co-star he’s with and looking like he just crawled out the butt of a bottle of tequila. So this will be something to watch! Okay. No. This will be something that comes on cable and you say to yourself, “They made a movie out of this?” And then you’ll watch Game of Thrones and remember that Hollywood isn’t all evil. [Deadline]
AMC thinks you may like television shows about lawyers (of course), spies (naturally), murder mysteries (Not if it’s The Killing), cloning (uh, maybe), and Maine lobster fishing families (definitely!) No, seriously. That last one, er, is it a “deadly catch” kind of thing or is there an “ice road” involved? The network has rolled out a pilot script showcase which sounds a little like a “Pilot Debutante Ball.” The scripts are all gussied up in their finery, hoping to have the night of their lives, maybe sneak a little rum, and make out by the bleachers. Yet, it’s possible only one or two will make the cut, or none at all will. So what happens then? Well, probably they all get pregnant and end up marrying their boyfriends who plan to become MMA fighters, which is probably the equivalent to sitting in some television execs desk drawer until Ellis from Smash steals it and sells it to NBC. [Deadline]
Tom Cruise armed with his sword of Scientology and a geode from his home planet of Nebulan will star in a movie about war and science fiction. It will be some sort of groundhog day thing where he’ll relive the same day over and over, where probably he’ll have to fight Jon Travolta, Will Smith, and possibly Rick Moranis…or some other enlightened golden key holder-level five disciples of L. Ron Hubbard. Or, he’ll be some sort of super soldier that has to fight a perfect war in order not to die. Emily Blunt will be there too playing someone named Valkyrie One whose goal is to remove the Katie Holmes microchip from villagers in a small town outside Fresno where mind control is running rampant. Or she’ll be some sort of human super soldier who may or may not help Cruise’s character. Either way, don’t let Travolta get near the keys. [THR]
