The Drag Race season premiere may have had its share of zombies, but last night’s episode truly saw someone return from the dead. As the episode starts, the queens enter the workroom. “Stay true,” DiDa wrote on the mirror. Sure, DiDa, what and ever. The surviving queens know someone is returning, and they are not having it. They decide they’ll make signs and protest. Hit the jump, and let’s put this corpse of an episode behind us as quickly as possible.
You’ve Got She-Mail & Mini Challenge
Ru appears on screen and references pregnancy and birth. This can’t end well. When Ru enters the workroom, the queens brandish their signs and chant. “Nice try, Norma Rae,” Ru tells them. We find out that Kenya Michaels and her gaping mouth are the queen returning from the dead to join the competition.The mini challenge is to turn a teddy bear into a drag queen. They all decorate their bears exactly as you’d expect them to, and Kenya Michaels wins.
Main Challenge
For the main challenge, the queens will need to turn some very manly men (DILFs!) into ladies. I hate the “put someone else in drag” challenge every year. This challenge is not actually useful in deciding who America’s next drag superstar should be. It’s an annoying distraction when we should be bolting toward the finish line. Anyway. Kenya gets to assign the DILFs to everyone because she won the mini challenge.
Ru says she expects to see “a strong family resemblance” and then drops the bomb: on the main stage, they have to serve “baby bump realness.” Oh brother. The queens get down to business. When Ru makes her workroom visit, Phi Phi says she and her DILF are going to be “sexy moms.” Ru is doubtful. Kenya’s DILF just seems weirded out by the whole process, but maybe I’m not reading his face properly. He just appears stunned and slightly put off by everything happening around him. The other DILFs seem to get into the fun a bit more. Sharon’s DILF gets into it a bit too much, squeezing the tits on Sharon’s breastplate, strutting around and acting like a moron.
Ru ends her workroom visit by telling the queens that Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Jennifer Love Hewitt are the guest judges and then dropping another bomb: they will have to begin the Main Stage show with a striptease. Oh. Brother. Chad very smartly keeps the striptease routine relatively simple. Phi Phi’s DILF is having trouble with the choreography Phi has come up with, and Sharon’s DILF is even worse.
As everyone is preparing for the Main Stage, Sharon’s DILF starts a fight with Chad, and Sharon doesn’t come to his defense. Cut to interview, and Sharon refers to her DILF as a DILK, Dad I’d Like to Kill. The tension in the air can only be broken by the giggles that come from straight men (not) attempting to tuck their junk.
Main Stage
The judges are Michelle Visage, Santino Rice, Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Jennifer Love Hewitt.
The striptease acts are cut together in snippets, and they go off pretty much as expected. The straight guys are stiff and unsexy. The queens attempt to make up for it. Next up is the pregnancy pageant.
Sharelle and Latrice Royale: Very glamorous pregnant queens. Latrice did her DILF’s makeup pretty damn well. They’re not matchy matchy, but I buy that they’re both Royales.
GiGi and Phi Phi O’Hara: Phi Phi’s makeup and hair actually look okay. Her DILF kind of looks like Tatiana from two season ago, doesn’t she?
Lil’ Mama and Kenya Michaels: They do some kind of melodrama act. Whut? The makeup is very harsh. Her DILF was pretty as a guy, but as a woman he’s sort of hideous.
Robin Mansions and Sharon Needles: Spooky goodness. Sharon did well considering what she was given to work with.
Lady Samantha and Chad Michaels: The matching outfits are a great touch, and frankly I think Chad worked wonders to transform her DILF.
Phi Phi wins the challenge. For crying.
Lip-Synch for your Life
Kenya and Latrice are up for elimination. I immediately start to feel defensive of Latrice. If that little bitch Kenya sends her home, I am not going to be happy.
Latrice is definitely selling it–she feels the song, and she makes you feel it. Kenya is trying too hard–she rips her wig off and spins all over the stage like a top–that’s not what this song is about, Kenya. No surprise that our gworl Latrice stays, and Kenya pulls a Carmen after all: sashay away, betch!
Untucked
The queens and DILFs joke in the Interior Illusions Lounge. They address Chad’s blowup with Sharon’s DILF.
Ru sends the queens into the Gold Bar to look in the pink box. There’s pickles and ice cream in the box, and Sharon eats it. Gah! Awful.
Left alone, the straight guys talk about what they’ve learned and share some of the preconceived notions they’ve overcome. I’m glad, but I also wonder where they find these dudes. Did they just put an open casting call in East Bumblefuck, Ohio? Doubtful.
In the Gold Bar, the queens think Phi Phi will probably win. They rib her a bit about turning on the waterworks. Chad said it was good for her to show some humanity. I agree. As much as I dislike Phi Phi for her horrible attitude and hostility, being rejected by one’s parent(s) is not something I’d wish on anyone.
C.U.N.T. and C U Next Tuesday
Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent: Chad Michaels. I just felt that she really brought it this week, despite Phi’s win. Plus the ferocity she exhibited when standing up for herself in the workroom.
C U Next Tuesday: Let’s give Phi Phi a break this week since she cried human tears. We’ll put Kenya Michaels in this category simply for returning from the dead to fuck everything up. She got sent right back to the grave, but let us not forget the nasty letter she wrote weeks ago. Betch.
