Generation gaps, misunderstandings, and firm convictions about what the lives of young people should be about have emerged through the ages where shouts of “Get a haircut! Stop listening to all that rock & roll music! That damn rap is just noise! Why do you text so much?!” and the like have been the requisite commentary that’s followed most every generation. I’m sure at some point God asked Jesus what the deal was with sandals. Yet, as we move further forward, and technology offers us something new about every few years, just how far apart are we really?
This week, HBO’s new series Girls has many asking that exact question. People are calling foul! Yelling about Nepotism, Elitism, Sexism, Feminism! Lamenting about the very real, but very uncomfortable sex scene, and basically the woeful state of “youth today!” [shakes fist, grabs newspaper, chases Dennis the Menace off lawn]. Heh. It’s interesting in watching the show as a generation X’er how much is familiar and yet, foreign simultaneously. The common thread may be that in your early twenties you don’t know what you want to be yet. You’re struggling to find yourself. You make mistakes. You wear your heart on your sleeve, even if you attempt to cover it in brambles and thorns. You’re highly impressionable. Your friends are your barometer. Your parents don’t really get who you are, or who you think you are, even though deep down you have no clue what that is yet. You’re earnest, and judging, insecure, overconfident, and yeah, mostly you think you have all the time in the world to figure out how to be a real adult with responsibilities, dependents, roots that you’ve put down, and mom-hair. So that much is pretty standard. Not so much with the Baby Boomers who many in their early twenties already had families and careers, and never experienced what some call “extended childhoods.”
But then there is this other bit of the millennial that is an enigma. Not so much the free-spirited, self-involved, proactive, activist, worldly persona, some adopt to give themselves depth while also challenging our corporate zombieism and our capitalist nature. The 1970’s existed, so this is old hat, despite what many a young rebel will tell you. The non-conformist has had a staid and true representation throughout time. We just haven’t seen the likes of it in such a mainstream swell for a generation or two. But what do you get when you cross some of that freedom of expression, jovial acceptance of the masses, and burgeoning political and social awareness, coupled with a struggling economy, joblessness, Facebook, Twitter, and textspeak? You get the millennial that is three parts throwback, and one part Buck Rogers sailing out into the futuristic unknown.
Technology seems to have shaped much of the generation. It would appear that the millennial, unlike the generation X’ers, are more articulate than most in navigating the waters of human interaction via handheld device, while also exuding an intimacy that can be pervasive in its substitution for IRL (in real life) interaction as it is removed and more detached almost inexplicably. “We broke up over text.” or “We haven’t talked in ages, but we caught up with each other on Facebook.” You’ll see this and similar communique as their calling card. Yet, the notion of “love all,” and create a “diverse inner circle” is a strong undercurrent where in person, hugs are given freely, and personal space is a more free-form thing. The millennial, yeah, they’re quite touchy-feely, which kind of baffles the older generations, since they were a lot less so.
For instance, in watching Girls, I would have never contemplated taking a bath while my BFF shaved her legs in the same tub, or spooned her while in the same bed, even if we shared the bed as youngsters during sleepovers, or if I held her hair back while she blew chunks — but dear lord, the Baby Boomers and beyond? Now we’re really getting into the era when showing emotions or reaching out for someone was akin to being a sissy or a ninny. So in thinking about it reflectively when we take into account how closed off many generations were, it’s not that the millennials aren’t on to something with their collective thoughts about “oneness,” and “connectivity,” they are. If for no other reason, all the suppression that occurred in prior generations probably had a hand in leading one to an early grave. Are they better for their “collective embrace?” Probably.
Not surprisingly, Pew research calls millennials, “Confident, Connected and Open to Change,” which makes sense given what we’ve already discussed, and it means something significant when discussing a generation that is attempting to thrive in world that has suffered a recession that we’ve not seen in decades. Where other generations had their challenges to be sure, the Gen X’ers for instance came out of college with the notion that work would be there for them, and that was mostly true, but then we were hit with 9/11 and that had a huge impact on what life would be, putting an end to this almost safe-assured utopia we thought we lived in, but that is still a far cry from the all-consuming economic implosion of the last few years.
The millennials have the highest unemployed rate of their age group in 40 years. Interestingly enough, and given its causation may be attributed to the current jobless rate, this group is also the most interested in higher education. They are said to be the most engaged in college, community college or graduate schools, with the thought being, “Well, as long as there aren’t any jobs, I should just go and get another degree, or several.” Sound familiar? Funnily, despite the challenges, here’s where the confidence comes in, the millennial is expressly confident that they will one day have enough money, or that they already do.
And that confidence does filter out into the world of Facebook and Twitter, which has often been compared to mini-reality shows. It’s a way to be noticed, a way to broadcast your life for the consumption of anyone in clicks reach. Some say that this was just the natural evolution piggy-backing off of piercings and tattoos as a way to gain instant “look at me” status, but those things that were once seen as counter-culture and a nose-thumb to the establishment, the millennial thinks of as more a right of passage, or as a way to mark the passage of time, as a sort of visual, yet bodily, narration. It’s less novel or groundbreaking to have a tattoo. How old and kind of lame, right? Some would say there are fewer Cosby kid moments where Theo has to defend or discuss his ear piercing to his parents in the millennial world, but ah, something like Planking? Yeah, this more demands an explanation.
That’s not to say that millennials don’t still experience the typical sturm and drang that fulfills our lives as humans and wish to experience all facets therein, the good and the bad. Based on a survey that asked about the “key things of adulthood” which included marriage and having kids, millennials do want them, but as you can probably guess, not right away, and to that end they are more open to not limiting their dating pool with past societal norms that had to do with race and gender. So all these ideas that millennials want and plan to party their lives away, is a pretty big misnomer.
So what about that supposed war between the generations. Where does all this come from?
Experts say that it’s less of a war, than it is just a pretty large gap. So basically anyone stoking those war flames are speaking about their own assessment, not what the whole believes. The tenants of the gap come down to a couple of things, technology, as we mentioned, and moral values. That’s pretty much it, and yeah, that’s pretty much all any generation gap has ever really discussed as a whole. There are always outliers about gender roles and the like, but morality is always the big one. Think about the largest sticking points in the political debate and which way both sides seem to want to move — either toward the future or back more than a few steps in the past based on morality.
Aside from technology which has produced a culture that has a huge, far reaching influence, with the kinds of ties to social constructs that we never before imagined, taking the good with the bad, including easier access to one another while also becoming a hotbed for controversy, negativity, peer pressure, and even bullying. Yet, when it comes to morality, you’d be surprised to learn that the millennial at their heart believes that their parents’ moral values are better. As a Gen Xer, I agree with the notion that our parents’ morality is better than my generations’, but will add that their communication level isn’t enviable. Ask some of us Xers to share our stories about our parents’ reaction to discussing sex, puberty, hormones, and attraction and you’ll probably understand what I mean about communication.
The technology piece is almost a living, breathing thing of its own. A blessing and a curse? Maybe. Does our dependence on it make actual face-time with someone more important, or is it more inconvenient? This is a tough question that’s a bit difficult to suss out, but here’s where perhaps the sharpest divide between the generations comes in.
Back to Girls. The thing that seems to have most people up in arms is that the character portrayals don’t lend themselves to lofty ambition, and in the small scale “problems” the girls face, the “right choice” seems to be the altogether easy one, and the act of lamenting something that should be so self-explanatory like getting out of a toxic pseudo-relationship, or attempting to find any job as not to be dependent on parental financial intervention, or realizing that “Hey! It could be worse! I’m living in New York City! Why am I so maudlin and conflicted about everything?” isn’t as easy as looking at things from a 35 year-old perspective, as opposed to a largely sheltered, largely spoiled, hugely untested, mostly immature lens that most of us wear in our early twenties.
Yes, sure, some will say, “Wow. That wasn’t me. I knew exactly what I was going to do. School. Job. Spouse. Kids. House. Promotion. Kid. Dog. Retirement. Death.” Yeah, if that were true for everyone, there’d never be an instance of a mid-life crisis, or that breathless, panicky feeling many of us get sometimes late at night that says, “Holy Shit! Am I where I’m supposed to be? Did I do things right? Is my wife, my life, my kids, all okay? My job sucks! Is there a better one out there? Does my job value me, do my friends, my family, my wife, my kids? Am I fucking shit up, my life, my wife, my kids?” So, yeah, by some obtuse comparison some of the trivialities of being in your early twenties may in your older view pale in comparison to the big, fat things that real adults go through, but remember when they didn’t? Remember when you just wanted this guy to call you, and when he didn’t, how sucky that felt? Remember when your friend was brutally honest with you and it made you crazy, 1) because how dare they and 2) Fuck. They’re right? Remember when you could’ve stood up for yourself more at work and you didn’t, so now you’re stuck in that assmunch’s Todd’s shadow?
Strip all the bits about texting and Facebook, the earnest but silly talk about woodworking, drinking opium tea leaves, and what you’ll probably find is you at your most vulnerable, you at your most jocular and stupid, and offensive, and ridiculous, and crappy, but just now you’re watching from your parent’s window. What you’ll find is the person you used to be moments before a parent showed up and you turned around, swallowed your angst, and told them confidently that you were fine — like always. Even if you think you had it all figured out. You didn’t. Even if you think you convinced everyone, someone always knew. The main point is, angst isn’t just for the young. Neither is confusion, or wanting more, wanting a better life, or taking for granted the things you have.
It’s a process, we’re a process, and oftentimes it’s messy, and unsettling, and more than likely you’ll face similar things throughout life, and ask yourself similar questions as you experience one change and then another. We just may not be as gobsmacked when it happens. So, yes, we change, we grow, and then finally, in the end, we regress. Such is life. So are we on the brink of a generation war? I’d say no, because life and the proliferation of more generations to come say otherwise, and renders the point rather moot. The young just aren’t going away. Who would you fight, because every minute 255 new entries are born into the latest generation worldwide. Yeah, you may not be outnumbered, but you’re dying…slowly. So squawking about the youth can only get you so far. They have a pretty big army, and face it, your knees are starting to hurt.
