The final episode of this special season starts with our boys leisurely dressing themselves and Mondo sniping at Austin. A quick trip in what looks like a light spring rain (when was this filmed? 2010?) and “je suis arrivee” at Gotham Hall, which we last saw in the season finale episode of Chris March’s reality design show, Mad Fashion. We’re sure there’s a Weinstein connection here somewhere. As always, there’s spoilers after the jump, so go on. Spoil yourself. You can do it.
Once they enter the Gotham, Austin and Michael hug Mondo, who stands there, enduring this attention, arms hanging limp at his sides. Mondo, why you such a beetch? With two hours left before the show, Austin is sewing one of his dresses. Austin, sew! Sew faster! Michael is trying to fit a dress on one of his hangers, and the garment is so lopsided, it can’t be fit on the model. See, Michael? That’s what we get for choosing April as our assistant. Told ya so, told ya so.
Austin walks us over to the Land of L’Oreal where dreams come true and fantasies previously unimagined are revealed. Joanna Coles shows up backstage in a sassy pair of red pants and harasses Austin. Meanwhile, Michael finds that yet another dress is poorly constructed. Michael, Michael, we told youuuuuu… Joanna executes a snappy backflip over the curtain between Michael and Mondo’s workspaces, snatches up a lint roller and starts lint-rolling Mondo. Joanna! You cougar, you.
Fresh from her graduation at Careful Girl Elocution School, party princess extraordinaire Ke$ha walks onto the runway and introduces the jerdges.
Queen Marchesa, everybody’s girl Isaac, monkey face Tommy Hilfinger (Where’s his rent boy?) and Ken Downing, Fashion Director for Neiman Marcus. Ken has a great smile and 80’s New Wave good looks. Ke$ha doesn’t walk backstage, but instead just clomps down the runway and takes a seat. Oh, Ke$ha. It’s a trip back to Careful Girl Elocution School for you.
A quiet descends over the crowd as fits of glamour and beauty precede Austin Scarlett onto the runway. Clouds of pink tulle swaddled angels and baby unicorns frolic overhead as Austin introduces his collection, inspired by an 18th century vampire, living in Billyburg, who occasionally borrows clothes from her Hasidic Dandy male friends.
Austin, sweetness, is there a large contingent of 18th century vampires who shop at Neiman Marcus? Well, perhaps in the Houston store, but we’re not sure we can say the same for the Short Hills or Paramus locations.
The clothes are well made, of course, and show some very on-trend construction and fabrics. There’s lacquered lace, there’s leatherette, there’s honeysuckle, oh no, there’s a Buf Puf sticking out from the bottom of one of the skirts. Austin, no. The styling is impeccable, and we finish with a wedding dress with floating petals that descend from the waistline. Overall, a stunning group of clothes, but not necessarily a collection. It’s hard to see someone who wears a black leatherette catsuit also wearing his gorgeous romantic wedding dress.
Mondo introduces his therapy-inspired collection and runs away from the lights. The styling here is not as strong. The hair is too big, the details on some of the looks are almost clownish because they are so large. The Rorschach print dress is a stunner even though the model’s overall look is horrible. This is a true collection – Mondo stayed with a limited color palette (what’s black and white and red all over? Mondo’s collection.) and even though the execution was lacking, the consistency of each design made this an overall very strong presentation.
Michael slumps onto the runway and blurts out “Serengeti.” As each muddy print walks past the jerdges, looks of concern and a hint of dismay can be seen crossing their faces. Although it is designed for the resort market, is this squarely aimed at the Neiman Marcus woman? Perhaps not. One really cannot see a rail-thin woman in her late 50’s, pulling on a Tareyton 120 slim, over-tanned and supremely blonde, wearing these muddy prints.
We get a quick look at the back stage post show. Michael crying, Mondo admitting he’s a whiny betch, Austin just pleased the whole presentation came off without a hitch. Nanette Lepore said she had a favorite designer, and didn’t she look so much better than she did when she was a guest jerdge? Maybe she should stick with doing her own hair and makeup and not allow the Bunim Murray people to touch her.
After the break, it’s Austin and his goils versus the jerdges. There is a lot of love from the jerdges for everything Austin made, but Isaac rings the death knell by saying that the pieces are beautiful but it’s not really a collection.
Next up, Mondo and his Therapy Queens receive the jerdges’ wisdom and a shower of affectionate kisses, which he endures like the petulant boy he wants to be. There are some comments about the pockets and buttons being too large (ha! told ya so!) but overall Mondo gets much better criticism than Austin did.
Finally, Michael brings his hangers to the runway and the panel tells him that the collection is very commercial, in fact, too commercial. Isaac nails it by saying while Michael came with a strong concept, the prints were not very special. Sad horns. Michael goes back stage to hang out with the boys and tells them, “May the force be with you.” Austin, being raised a good Catholic boy, responds, “And also with you.” Oh, Austin. You can wear a piece of pink netting instead of a shirt and still turn the world on with your smile.
There is some deliberation among our jerdges about Austin. They all agree that Austin could handle setting up a boutique within Neiman Marcus, but again Isaac nails it to the cross when he says that Austin needs a good stylist to rein him in. Turning to Mondo, the comments are very positive from everyone except for Ke$ha. The jerdges like his fabric selection and his mix of 1960’s and 1980’s style. Ending with Michael, the criticism turns mean. Poor fabric selection (only jersey?), overwhelming commerciality, relaxed shapes which do not flatter that rail-thin Neiman Marcus woman. Sorry, Michael.
Our boys are brought back out on the runway, and Careful Girl graduate Ke$ha tells them that if they don’t win, they get a weekend trip to Paris as as consolation prize. With almost no hesitation, Ke$ha rips the band-aid off and tells Michael he’s going to Paris. For once, he doesn’t weep and wail. Finally, it’s down to Mondo and Austin. With her elocution teacher looking on from the wings, Ke$ha incorporates a few too many dramatic pauses, and announces that Austin is going to Paris and Mondo is the winner.
Meana Garzilla has laid in a supply of Midol™ for Mondo to tame his bitchy moods, because lord knows she is not going to tolerate his foolishness when he takes his position as guest editor at Marie Claire.
