Crasstalkers, feel the heat that’s burning you up, ready or not. As always, there’s spoilers, so click on through with fierce abandon.
Let’s be honest, kids. You know, and I know, and they know that this challenge sprang forth from the fevered imagination of Ke$ha herself, flowing in a whiskey-soaked glitter dream full of sweaty backup dancers.
Ke$ha staggers out on the runway, bottle of Jack in one hand and glow stick in the other, and greets the designers with a belch. This week, she is sending the sewtestants to Barbizon (isn’t that a modeling school?) to pick up some glow in the dark tape and battery powered lights, and then off to Mood for fabrics and thangs. Ke$ha drunkenly lets slip that Pharrell is this week’s guest jerdge.
At the Barbizon store, Kenley invokes Katy Perry, her patron saint, and puts some electric blue LEDs on her nipple area. Well done, Kenley. For some reason, Austin fires up a fog machine and sprays a giant cloud of hairspray through the entire store. Was he thinking to light a match and get rid of the other competitors? Perhaps.
After a skip and a trip over to Mood, the designers wave black light flashlights at various fabrics to learn what looks good in that light. While Austin picks out some black tulle and has a vision of “starlight,” the other kids go crazy with neons and odd fabrics, like stiff felt and something that looks suspiciously like attic insulation.
Back in the workroom, we learn that the producers setup a darkroom so the designers can look at their creations in black light before they hit the runway. How thoughtful! Michael and Austin in the sewing room discuss plots and plans and Austin uses one of my most favoritest words ever: “Gorgeosity.” Austin, I love you.
Kenley is making a neon plaid fabric with black matte jersey and neon tape. Look at her go! Who knew she had this in her, after doing the same dress over and over in this competition? Michael, on the other hand, is ditzing around, running in and out of the dark room and making and remaking his runway look. Oh, Michael. Focus! Rally! Tim Gunn is cheering you on!
Before you know it, here comes Hello Joanna Coles in a sharp black jacket and gray pants. Probably the best outfit she’s worn this season. Joanna gives preliminary approval to Kenley’s work, then strolls over to Jerell and warns him to avoid a Christmas tree look. A quick step over to Austin and he reveals his “starry sky” concept. Joanna questions if it’s too romantic for Pharrell, but approves of the design. Not finding Michael in the work room or the sewing room, Joanna bravely ventures into the dark room and there discovers Michael playing dress-up working on his taped-up dress and bizarre hood. Finally, Joanna visits bitchy Mondo who says he’s going to encase the lights and tape together. As you can see, this look turns into something I affectionately refer to as “Tits McGee.”
Austin takes a break to speak to his mom via Skype. Um. I know he’s in his 20’s, but she looks like she’s in her 30’s. She is sickening, in a good way. But she’s got the troubles because she works as a real estate appraiser and in this economy, hasn’t had much work, so she’s facing foreclosure. Now Austin wants to win, win, win so he can save his Momma! Win, Austin, Win!
After a quick nap at Flatotel, the kids are back in the work room and Kenley’s look is shaping up nicely. Go, Kenley, Go! Michael is talking out loud about what he needs to do and Mondo is sitting behind him snipping at him under his breath. Snip, Mondo, Snip!
It seems like a few seconds go by and suddenly Makeup Bear appears with a big grin on his face. Grin, Makeup Bear, Grin!
In the run-up to the runway, it seems like all the boy designers are bitching about each others’ designs. Bitch, boys, Bitch!
And we’re off to see Ke$ha Glitterbang and show off our black light friendly designs.
What do the jerdges think of this week’s looks?
Kenley first and her Nicki Minaj realness extravaganza: Pharrell likes the shape but thinks the lights should have been woven into the design rather than draped on it. Isaac loves the look, as does Queen Marchesa. Ke$ha is all over it too.
Mondo and his Tits McGee looks is up next. Queen Marchesa is getting “Tron,” Isaac reads limousine chaser lights and Teletubby, Pharrell sees 50’s Cadillac wings, and Ke$ha thinks the breast shape is just strange, which it is. Finally, all the judges question whether Mondo’s design is actually avant-garde. It’s not. Just come out and say it, folks.
The “Some Like It Hot” look that Jerell threw at the world comes into focus. Miss Marchesa likes the movement of the look but says it goes all the way to tribal raver. Isaac says he’s seeing Joke Store. Pharrell says the long skirt says “grandma,” which is a nice way of saying the look is dated. And it is. The Queen tells Jerell to push the skirt up and suddenly the styling is much improved.
Ke$ha tells Austin that she likes his “starlight” look but wanted more lights, more spread out. Too bad you’re not competing as a designer, Ke$ha. Isaac gives the look some love, Pharrell says it’s beautiful and Marchesa says it’s “en-chaunt-ing.”
“Avant Garde, Futuristic, Neon Ninja Warrior Princess,” Michael? Oy. This is not the Dr. Seuss challenge. Isaac says the chaser lights are too noisy, Marchesa wants better construction and editing. Ke$ha loves it, of course, because it’s super loud. Pharrell sees Mortal Kombat, Grace Jones, and Comic-Con.
In the end, Austin’s Romantic Starlight look wins the day, Kenley takes second, Mondo is third. We’re left with Michael and Jerell. Michael, good use of technology but iffy design. Jerell, you only made half an outfit, so you are outta heeeeeere!
Next week: the final four lock horns in the eternal battle of fit versus frump as one of their looks will be sold in stores nationwide. Who will prevail?
