Previously on Celebrity Apprentice! Also, SPOILERS FROM THIS WEEK’S EPISODE AFTER THE JUMP!
Last week, our intrepid cast was tasked with creating a presentation for the Buick Verano. The men’s presentation was marginally better than ladies’, but they lost because Trump is a child. More specifically, Unanimous ignored Trump’s heavy-handed hints to select Michael Andretti as PM. And actual PM Adam Carolla refused to bring two people back into the boardroom. Trump fires Andretti for not bending to his will, and fires Adam because he wouldn’t play by Trump’s ridiculous rules. I’m pretty sure Trump pays people to pretend to be friends with him.
After the men return to the suite, the women vow to come together as a team and stop the backstabbing. Yeah, right. Arsenio gives props to the women and says in his talking head that Lou should be gone. Lou notes that he must step up to plate or he’ll be fired.
Since she won her PM turn, Debbie has a $50,000 check for her charity, Children’s International. The two executives act surprised by this. Never mind that the camera crew obviously had to set up the shot beforehand, and that the show called them to arrange the meeting. Debbie gets choked up. Stop warming my cold heart.
This week, Trump IS STILL HARPING on the fact that Adam didn’t bring anyone back to the BR last week. For fuck’s sake, get over it.
At the New York Public Library, Trump’s minions from O’Cedar explain the task: create a theme and a viral video to promote the O’Cedar Pro Mist Spray Mop. Both the theme and the video will be judged on product integration, entertainment value, and brand messaging.
Unanimous picks Lou as PM, and he celebrates by doing pushups. Tia is Forte’s PM. Trump sez she’s finally getting it, whatever that means. The winner will receive $20,000 for his/her charity, plus an additional $30,000 from O’Cedar. Lou’s team had to explain to him what “viral” meant and he and his team brainstorms in the car.
In the Unanimous executive meeting, the female executive tells them a funny approach is fine as long as the product is the hero. She also wants the spot to educate the public about the product features and convey the brand messaging. It’s up to Unanimous as to how they want to execute the idea. Well duh, that’s why they’re the ones doing the work.
At Forte’s meeting with the O’Cedar executive, he says that he wants them to create a phrase for the theme commercial and he seems to want something fun. The sexshay level of the spot will be up to the women.
Aubrey snots that all of Dayana’s ideas are bad, and proceeds to make fun of Dayana’s accent in her TH’s. That’s realy not cool. At least Dayana is making an effort to come up with something, which is more than I can say about some of the other Forte members. Aubrey decrees that she, Lisa and Debbie are the strongest players.
The women have several ideas but settle on the concept of “what’s your number?” They’re alluding to how many sexy time partners have you had, but they are actually talking about how many mops people have bought in their lifetimes. Or something like that. Unless the execution of this idea is tight, it has the potential to be wrought with confusion. Patricia is not happy with the concept but will go along with it.
The women write their own anecdotes about their “number” and Lisa is charged with putting them together. They come up with some pretty racy stories which make even Lisa blush. Lisa is smart enough to know they can’t get too x-rated in pushing O’Cedar’s mop. Debbie suggests doing t-shirts with the ‘what’s your number’ concept and Patricia will do the logo.
Unanimous is trying to come up with a theme, and Penn asks Lou questions to flesh out the concept. Clay thinks Penn is playing for the boardroom. I think Clay’s plastic surgery and his hair make him look like Michael Myers. Seriously. Anyhoo, Lou has a problem with Penn’s analyzing and intellectualizing and wants Penn to be quiet.
Clay sez he believes “people” in the room **coughPenncough** are setting Lou up to fail by shooting down every idea presented without offering alternatives. Some of the men feel that Penn can be very condescending. See, Penn is smart and he knows it. This can be a good thing or a very bad thing. Paul comes up with the “I’ll mop the floor with you” concept and they run with it. Lou will appear in the commercial mopping.
The men are ready to start shooting the video. I think Dee is the director. I can feel the noise already! On the street, Clay and Arsenio are gloating about Clay putting Penn in his place, probably for the first time in Penn’s life. I honestly don’t think Penn means any harm and is genuinely trying to move the task forward, but his team mates clearly see him as a threat. Clay and Arsenio vow to win for Lou.
Unfortunately, Lou is flubbing his lines but Clay and Arsenio are working with him to help him out. It’s actually pretty sweet. Looks like we have an alliance here, and if the men lose I’m guessing Penn will be their target. They film Lou dancing in a kitchen with an apron while mopping. Eric Trump shows up to check on the progress. He notes Lou’s energy and that the men have historically targeted him in the boardroom.
The men begin editing and Dee takes the helm. Penn is still smarting over Clay calling him condescending. Penn and Clay talk, but they’re not really getting anywhere with each other.
Meanwhile at Forte’s video shoot, Aubrey offers to co-direct with Tia, who kindly shoots down the idea. Tia TH’s that Lisa and Aubrey get grumpy when they’re not in charge. Aubrey snots that Tia is jealous of her because Tia is not considering any of her ideas.
Forte has a day to shoot and edit their video. One by one, the women are filmed giving their anecdotes. Dayana tells Debbie that the script contains no reference to the mop, so the audience won’t get that “the number” refers to mops as opposed to sexy time partners. Instead of making waves since filming has already begun, they decide to press on. Debbie and Aubrey agree that they dislike the concept. What a fine time to voice this concern. Meanwhile, Dayana calls a florist and asks for peonies, but it sounds very much like ‘penis.’ Heh.
At Forte’s editing session, Tia is working with the editing guy. Don Jr. comes to check Forte’s progress, and Tia explains the concept to him. He seems intrigued by their idea but thinks there is tension on the team. I really need another glass of wine to get through a second hour of this.
Forte begins working on the presentation, but it’s not really clear what everyone’s role is. Lisa lectures that everyone can’t be a star on every task. She’s talking about Dayana, who is trying to figure out what she should be doing on the task. Two things – first, Dayana’s confusion over her role is a failing that can be placed squarely at Tia’s feet. Second, I don’t blame Dayana. If Forte loses, the question of individual contributions to the task will come up in the boardroom, and she knows this. Dayana faces no real danger since Trump wants to sleep with her, but kudos to her for not resting on those rather disturbing laurels.
Presentation time! Unanimous goes first. The execs laugh at Lou’s antics, as he is clearly enjoying dancing with the mop. Their commercial seems pretty good. Forte goes next, and they’re all wearing their t-shirts. The commercial plays, and I don’t think the number concept is communicated clearly at all. Even the execs looked confused. In their pow-wow discussing the respective videos with one another, the female executive says she’s curious about how each team member on Unanimous contributed to the task. Why on earth does she care who did what, as long as the target criteria was met?
In the boardroom, Lou feels that they gave 110%. He seems to like that percentage a lot, as he’s mentioned it several times in previous episodes. Of course the men think they won and they speak very well of Lou. At this point I realize I don’t even know what Lou’s charity is. I suspect we’ll find out soon enough, because the editing seems to suggest that the men took this one. Trump blathers on about the evils of exercise. I don’t understand the tangent, either. Tia feels good about the task and the team and praises Lisa for her writing. Lisa returns the favor by saying she didn’t think Tia had a handle on the task. All of this before they know who won the task. Why, why do these people fall for Trump’s reindeer games?
Lisa says the most creative people on Forte are her, Aubrey and Debbie, which is co-signed by Don Jr. Lisa says Dayana is the least valuable. That was a dumb move, and I thought Lisa was smart. Trump doesn’t understand their concept.
Trump continues his extended boardroom fuckery by poking the men’s team for weaknesses. Trump: fostering good will and team cohesion since 1869. Is this why the show is two hours long? Do we need to see bloodletting before we know who lost the task? He baits Lou into saying he will bring Paul and Penn back if he loses, the latter because Penn is a bull in a china closet. I think watching a bull charging through a china closet would be far more entertaining than this show.
The executives thought the women worked well together, but they didn’t understand the number concept. Also, Forte focused too much on the presentation and not enough on the viral video element. Regarding Unanimous, they felt that the men were entertaining and they liked the tag line ‘I’ll mop the floor with you.’ The commercial conveyed the mop’s key features. Negatives: the video was more a commercial and not a viral video.
After what seems like another two hours, we learn that the men win. Lou has won $50,000 for Muscular Dystrophy Associated. Congratulations, Unanimous! You now all hate one another. Enjoy champagne in the suite and bask in your mutual distrust. I recommend a team-building exercise, like trust falls. Interestingly, they get to watch the entire board room play out on TV, instead of Trump instructing them to shut off the TV after a certain point.
Back in the board room, Dayana is not surprised that they lost. Lisa felt that the concept was too racy for O’Cedar. Trump points out that Lisa was in charge of the concept. Lisa says that she doesn’t want to be shut down from offering ideas. Aubrey didn’t enjoy the task because team members were not fully utilized, which Tia disagrees with. Patricia thinks Lisa brings more to the team vs. Tia. Lisa says Dayana was distracting and derailing. Aubrey thinks Tia should be fired. She also piles on Dayana by saying Dayana could not have written the script, as Lisa did, and cannot come up with creative ideas.
Patricia believes Teresa is the weakest player. Trump loves a good catfight, so he’s all in. Teresa defends herself by saying Patricia does nothing but printing. Aubrey concludes that certain team members need to accept that they’re beige paint and go from there. She also snots that Tia, as an old, does not want to accept ideas from a youngun like her. Trump likes this. A lot. Finally, his casting is paying off.
Tia says Aubrey talks too much and is in a clique with Debbie and Lisa. Tia asks Trump if he’ll fire a second Forte member if she takes the fall for the team, and he says no. Tia is not a fan of the backstabbing and infighting, so she takes accountability (TM first season of Apprentice) for the loss and gets fired. How did he manage to assemble such a noble cast? She talks to her former team outside the board room with no animosity or cattiness, smiling as the elevator door to freedom closes. Rowen pointed out an example of wonky editing two weeks ago, and I see a similar flaw here while Tia is walking to the car. Her hair is fuller going to the elevator, completely straight on the way to the car, and full again when she’s in the car. Her exit speech is classy, just like her.
I do wish that the editing was not so obvious with this show. Really, I’m not one of those annoying people who claims to figure out entire movies during the opening credits. However, the editing is incredibly heavy-handed, with little subtlety or nuance. By the time the winning team is announced, it’s a reveal of the obvious instead of a surprise. But I suppose expecting subtle and nuance to play any role in a Trump project is asking too much.
image via bostonherald.com
