Oh good. Google has decided that the world is ready for digital glasses. That’s right. It’s just about time that we all had facts and data broadcast mere inches away from our eyeballs. This won’t be infuriating in the least. Not one single person will become that guy who has the new fangled Web-Specs, and like a cyborg, will start rattling off all the fun! exciting! mind-numbingly inane things! he just looked up on Google from rolling his head to the side, blinking at lightning speed, and basically walking into traffic because Todd, just had to show off. This thing will be awesome. (The machines. They’ve been sent to kill us.)
By the end of 2012, for between $250 and $600, you could be the owner of Google’s digital goggles complete with one computerized lens that will give you access to maps and data among other things, as long as there is a viable 3G or 4G connection for downloading. Download data?! With your eyeballs? Well, of course, with your eyeballs. Just what do you think we’re selling here some sort of fancy laptop you operate with your opposable thumbs? Archaic! Prehistoric! Turn of the Century! Now (and this is true) by bobbing and nodding your head (Migraine Anyone?) you’ll be able to view data instantly. So, if you’re doing all this downloading and data accessing, are you, uh, actually seeing things in front of you? This is a good question! Does it impede vision? As far as anyone can tell — Yes!
The New York Times has its concerns:
“It will look very strange to onlookers when people are wearing these glasses,” said William Brinkman, graduate director of the computer science and software engineering department at Miami University in Oxford, Ohio. “You obviously won’t see what they can from the behind the glasses. As a result, you will see bizarre body language as people duck or dodge around virtual things.”
Yes, in order to move things and do things you’ll have to herk and jerk your body, your head, blink, flail your arms if you’re playing a virtual game, and then there’s the facial recognition software! The Times says, “The glasses could remind a wearer of when and how he met the vaguely familiar person standing in front of him at a party.” Cripes! That sounds fascinating, but SCARY AND END OF THE WORLDISH!
Of course, Google says that you shouldn’t wear the glasses all the time, much like Dr. Oz tells men not to carry their cell phones close to their junk. Does anyone listen to Dr. Oz? No. So for Google to say, “Hey, don’t worry. You won’t use this all the time.” Even though many of us use our phones numerous times a day — seems rather silly. Just imagine if your web browsing is affixed to your friggin face! Why take the glasses off ever? (I’m having a Science Fiction anxiety attack-freak out right now, thank you very much, because we will become a legion of humanoids that never disconnect from the online world. Apocalypse, here we come.)
PC World has basically come out and said that these things will be a dangerous disaster. What sounds like a conspiracy theory, but could be more real than we’d like to admit, they suggest that all Google really wants is to supply a means for continuous tracking. Here are a few things they’re pretty sure the invention will allow Google to do. Gain access to:
- Your location at all times
- Your most common interactions
- Your closest companions through facial recognition
- Your eating, shopping, and traveling habits
Which will work to give information to retailers so that 1) they know your likes and dislikes for better direct marketing 2) line Google’s profits because they’d like to get you involved in Google Coupons and Google Latitude so they can suggest sell to you at whim.
Both Google Coupons and Google Latitude aren’t making much of a dent in the competition, but having tracking data on users 24/7 would be a huge coup for both services. It would be automatic check-ins, pushed suggestions, and coupons. Lots and lots of coupons.
It’s easy to picture a major food chain, like McDonald’s-owned Chipotle, paying for a top spot on your eyeglasses, kind of like an ad on Google search.
There’s also the safety concern of having and showcasing such a high-end, and possibly highly coveted item. Who isn’t going to want to steal the newest, hottest, most Star Trek looking thing ever? And dear lord, please, we just can’t even think about driving while wearing these things.
What do you think? Great new advancement? Or Recipe for WORLD DOMINATION BY THE MACHINES THEREBY LEADING TO THE END OF CIVILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT?
Guess which camp I fall into?
Top Image: Source
