It was a hard fight that came down to the wire with one edging out the other by only the tiniest of margins, sort of like that whole Santorum/Romney Iowa debacle. Sheesh. Yikes. While we’re renaming things, can we rename both Santorum and Romney? How about Conservatives Unite Moneybomb (C.U.M)? Oops, that’s already taken. Gosh Darn! How could they know what we were thinking? This is probably the best name of anything in the whole world ever! Hipsters need to hire Rick Santorum to be their PR man.
Well, you know, those hipsters who aren’t retired. The retired ones? Yeah, we’ve already got a name for them.
You guys decided that a retired hipster is just not retired enough. So yeah, no sitting in Florida and sipping on an organic piña colada, or wearing a sarong made of natural fibers, or flaunting those brand new shutter shade reading glasses. Obviously not when there’s a more fitting evolutionary category. The Zombie. Yes, you actively believe that The Hipster should become a member of the undead. No turning back. Right from the Hipster Paleolithic period of their existence, to the halcyon days of trucker hats, scarfs, and Zooey Deschanel twee-nirvana, and into screaming, fiery, angst-ridden, emotive extinction. Did they even have time to spawn first? Did anyone morph into a hippie?! Who knows? Perhaps the hippies heard or felt a rumble in their DNA when the hipster was born, and once again when the hipster life-force blitzed out in a blaze of ozone and hand-rolled cigarette smoke. We assume only a few made it to hippiedom or to some other hybrid form like our runner-up, the yupster, before the great culling of 2012.
Nonetheless, it is over. The community has spoken. Retired Hipsters are now R.I.P.sters.
Commenter Clarity83 you are our winner! You adeptly spoke up first. Your wonderful clairvoyance has keenly dictated that the hipster would, in fact, become a member of our flesh-eating, brain obsessed, shuffling, society. Can we draw some sort of political statement from that? Possibly. All in all, though, you called it right, and for that we thank you for your insight. You’ve won our undying appreciation, and are now and forever named the most cleverest hipster namer ever, and the name Clarity83 is now permanently engraved in the totally made up Crasstalk Annals of Awesome. If we had some PBR we’d give you a toast, but for now we’ll twirl our handsome mustaches in salute. Oh, and lock your doors. The R.I.P.sters want your brainnnnsss, or, uh, your soybean brain substitute. You know, because not everyone eats meat….
Thanks to all who participated. This was fun!
