The time has come…for you to lip-synch…for your life! for Season 4 of RuPaul’s Drag Race! The season premieres on Monday January 30 at 9pm EST, on Logo. As in Season 3, thirteen queens will be competing, but Season 4 will be longer–eighteen episodes instead of sixteen. There is a futuristic/sci-fi theme to the promos/ads, though it’s not yet clear how fully that will play into the competition itself. In order to prepare for another season of junk-tucking, shade-throwing, wig-flailing, Absolut cocktail-drinking good times, you can watch the queens’ intro videos on Logo’s site. Okay, let’s get down to making some snap judgments and baseless predictions. The library is open!
First up we have The Princess. She’s from Chicago (Bitch, I am from Chicago!) and thinks we’ve never seen someone with her Princess point-of-view. She says she’s “everything all rolled into one,” which tells us next to nothing about her because I’m guessing she’s not everything all rolled into one. We’ll have to see this bitch in action to figure out exactly what she’s all about. She’s confident but not annoyingly so, and I like that. The fact that she sometimes does drag with a bald head–and that she’s sporting gauged ears–gives some clues about her sensibilities. Her makeup is well done, though the glitter lips are a bit much for me. I don’t really understand why she doesn’t perform in the city where she lives. Snap judgment score: 3 out of 5.
Next up we have Jiggly Caliente. She’s from New York City, and she says drag is her full-time job, her career. Oh, okay. Well she must be a completely different person on stage because I almost fell asleep while watching her video. Jiggly says she wants to prove that big girls can be sexy. She says her drag style is “urban, glam, slutty…very ghetto-fab but also skanky.” Nothing says “big girls are sexy” like a ghetto-fabulous skank. Her wig is a mess, and her makeup is busted. She says she’s known for performing Beyonce songs. Wow, a true individual in the drag community. Snap judgment score: 1 out of 5.
This is Willam. She’s from Los Angeles and says she’s a professional cross-dresser, who sings, acts and hosts events. “I’m a personality.” No argument with that last statement–this bitch is funny. Willam says her look is “celebutante meets Good Will meets…stolen Neiman Marcus card.” Did I mention I like Willam’s sense of humor? She’s been doing drag since she was a teenager, and she wasn’t exaggerating when she said she was an actor: she has appeared (“usually as a hooker or…a hooker”) in various cop shows and even appeared in an episode of Sex and the City. This multi-talented queen may have what it takes to go far in the competition. Snap judgment score: 4 out of 5.
This here is Phi Phi O’hara. Another Chicago queen, Phi Phi is an optician by day. She performs in her hometown on weeknights and goes out of town for weekend performances. She says she’s a do-it-all queen, who sews, sings, dances and does hair and makeup. Phi Phi says she’s able to “captivate all kinds of audiences.” We’ll see about that. I don’t really get a good sense of who Phi Phi is from her intro video. Her personality is kind of lackluster, and her jokes fall flat. Her costume is serviceable, and the makeup–while severe–isn’t too awful I guess (though the boob makeup just looks so bad up close…save it for the stage, honey). Snap judgment score: 2 out of 5.
Meet Latrice Royale. She’s from Miami and feels that the big girls have not yet met her standards. She’s a veteran drag performer (nineteen years), who acts as show director at a South Beach nightclub. Like so many of the other queens, she claims she is eclectic and can do it all. Her outfit here is a bit meh, her hair and makeup a bit…off (I srsly can’t stand the glitter lips, the rhinestone lips, etc.). She’s another one that I don’t get a very good feel for based on the intro video so I’m looking forward to seeing what she can do on stage. The contestants on Drag Race are frequently new performers so I’m glad to see a seasoned queen. Snap judgment score: 2 out of 5.
Up next is DiDa Ritz. Another Chi-Town queen. Srsly, is Chicago just the best city for drag or what? It’s a little hard to keep a straight face when DiDa says very seriously, “I’ve been doing drag for, like, four years.” Four years is not a long time, honey. You’re going to be shocked, but DiDa claims she can do it all. Another wait-and-see. She says she’s known for her legs so why she chose to wear thigh-high boots in her video is a mystery. Likewise, she says her drag essential is hair so what is with that flat, uninspired ‘do she’s wearing? Also, are those staples holding her epaulets shoulder embellishments together? Yikes. Snap judgment score: 2 out of 5.
Meet Chad Michaels. She’s from San Diego, and like Ms. Latrice Royale, she is an experienced queen. She says she’s known for her Cher impersonation, which… okay, but it’s 2012, sweetheart. She also says she enjoys performing as movie superheroes, and that’s frankly a lot more interesting than Cher. Her costume here definitely has a certain superhero vibe. Her hair and makeup on the other hand are 100% Real Housewife; that’s unfortunate. Again with the glitter lips–do not want! I like that she has some humility and does not assume she’ll win just because she’s more experienced. Snap judgment score: 3 out of 5.
This is Kenya Michaels. She’s from Puerto Rico and says she’s competing so that she can donate money to help people with HIV/AIDS in her community back home. Kenya is a dance instructor who teaches a variety of styles (salsa, ballet, hip hop) so I’m interested to see her moves when the occasion calls for it. Surprise, surprise, she says she’s the complete package and can do it all. Her outfit and hair get thumbs up, her makeup not so much; besides the glitter (which is especially bad in the application under her eyes) she looks a little like a burned piece of toast. Snap judgment score: 2 out of 5.
Say hello to Lashauwn Beyond. She’s from Fort Lauderdale and has only been doing drag for three years. I srsly love that she says the first thing she wants people to know about her is that she’s a hard worker. She bases much of her drag style off of designers she likes and also fantasy hair. She says she’s known for big hair and, well, big everything (wink, wink!). Her costume here is kind of (garishly) wonderful, and she’s pretty solid with the hair and makeup, considering she’s self-taught (she has no drag mother). I’m looking forward to seeing what this bitch can do on stage. Snap judgment score: 3 out of 5.
Up next we have Madame LaQueer. She’s from Puerto Rico, and she works as a makeup artist at the mall. She’s very outgoing, and I like her getup here (I hate to only be comparing her to the other big girls, but of the three of them, she is the best put together in terms of clothes). Her makeup is pretty rough though (the lip liner is so bad) so I hope she can step it up in that department, and of course we’ll still need to see how she does on stage. She says she performs her own “musical creations.” I don’t really know what that means, and I’m not sure if it bodes well for how she will perform when lip-synching for her life. Snap judgment score: 3 out of 5.
This queen here is Milan. She’s from New York City (and thank god for that–I couldn’t stand the thought that only Jiggly was going to be representing my city). Another queen who does it all, this “one stop shop for entertainment” says drag is not her full-time job but a big part of it since acting is her full-time gig. Like any good actor, she says she absorbs qualities from everyone who she encounters in life, from her mother all the way down to “the bum on the street.” She’s well put together in the hair, makeup and wardrobe departments, and her personality shines. Given her profession, I think this bitch going to be tough competition on stage. Snap judgment score: 4 out of 5.
Say hello to Sharon Needles. She’s representing Pittsburgh. This Steel City queen is hilariously funny, dark as night, and she brings something to the competition that we rarely see on Drag Race: Sharon is not just a man pretending to be a woman, Sharon is truly a man playing a character. There tends to be a lot of focus on fishiness on Drag Race, but drag is so much more than female realness. Sharon’s hair is great, her makeup severe and awesome (though could use a bit of refining), and that costume is perfect–the outside matches the character’s insides. If you watch only one of the intro videos on Logo’s site, make sure it’s Sharon’s. Snap judgment score: 5 out of 5.
Finally, we have Alisa Summers from Tampa. She’s a self-taught queen who does drag full-time, and–put that broken record on one more time–she can do it all! Her makeup (besides the lips! My god, the lips!) and hair are pretty well done, but what is with the costume? First, I think she loses points for having the stupid latex boobs. Second, what the hell is going on in her downstairs region? It’s not a pretty sight. The striped stockings are not her friend. Alisa is certainly enthusiastic, but right now I’m not feeling it. That might be because I get too much of a Carmen Carrera vibe from her, and Carmen was insufferable. Snap judgment score: 2 out of 5.
Now for some quick, baseless predictions!
Most likely to be eliminated in the first episode: Jiggly Caliente
Most likely to make it to the top five: Willam
Most likely to be a fan favorite: Sharon Needles
Most likely to throw her Absolut cocktail at another queen: Phi Phi O’Hara
Most likely to have a wardrobe malfunction or fall on the runway: DiDa Ritz
Alright, Crassholes, now it’s your turn. Chime in below with your snap judgment scores and predictions. Don’t forget to tune in on January 30th for the premiere, and you won’t want to miss my recap on the 31st.
Top image of Ru via Logo
Images of queens via Logo’s NewNowNext