Here Come the Super Bowl Ads!

It’s that time again. You know that time when everyone coalesces around the flat screen to watch the best of the best duke it out amid screams of joy and groans of agony as your favorite plays either make the high mark or flop around and lose yardage? We’re talking about the Super Bowl commercials. What did you think we were talking about? The game? Oh, ho! No one cares about that.

In anticipation of the glorious day when we all get to see what wonderful products have stepped up their marketing game and plan to wow you (subconsciously) with their magical, wanton advertisements, here then are the first two of many ads to come.

It’s the Sausage King of Chicago! Ferris Bueller Returns!

Is this like that other Broderick movie, Max Dugan Returns, starring a retired, geriatric Jason Robards? Sort of! In this teaser — that we must admit made our 1980’s soul twitter with glee just a little bit — we see that Ferris will indeed be coming back in the form of a middle aged man. Erm, well, okay. That’s not as good as the original, but it’s a start. There’s no telling where this could all go. Maybe Cameron returns wearing his hockey jersey? Perhaps Ferris’ sister is there still all mean and jealous with her original nose just waiting to trap him for taking the day off from, uh, work? Nonetheless, this is exciting news. Broderick has said in the past that there’s really no reason to revisit Ferris because he was perfect, BUT in a recent retrospective about John Hughes’ life he alluded to a potential return. Is this it? What’s the angle, guys? What is Matthew/Ferris going to sell here?

Audi Fang Bangs

Oh, geez. Really, more with the vampires? How long has this been sitting on some marketing exec’s desk? There really is nothing sadder than a commercial that attempts to get in on the “hot thing” about fifty five years too late. Audi, dudes, don’t you know that 1) We’re all long past vampire fatigue and we’re now headlong into vampire overdose? 2) You would even be beating the old trope horse if you went zombies. Find a new supernatural already! Right? Right. What the hell are mummies doing right now? Nothin. They’re just sitting around being dead. What about Toxic Avengers? What are they doing? Nothin. Sitting around corroding the universe. See? Both better options than what you went with. However, we must say that if you’re going to drag out the descendants of Stephenie Meyer’s vicious copulation with moviegoers, at least you found a way to “Buffy” those vamps in a way we haven’t seen as of yet. Still you lose points for greenlighting vampires to begin with. Rubes.

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