RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 4 has begun, bitches, and as Miss Ru warns us in the cold open, it’s going to be “over the motherf*cking top!” She wasn’t lying. Join me after the jump for your season premiere recap!
The season began like every other: we watch the queens arrive one at a time. Willam trots in first, looking a little guy-in-a-wig, but she’s still winning me over with that sense of humor: when she notices a size 26 dress form, Willam remarks: “I hope they don’t have diabetes.” LaShauwn arrives next, looking like a bedazzled hooker with cut-rate fantasy hair. Jiggly Caliente saunters in and calls herself “New York’s plus-sized Barbie.” Her very cherry ensemble is actually pretty great, and already she seems to have more personality than her dreadful intro video led me to believe.
Phi Phi O’Hara sashays in next, followed by Madame La Queer. The editing is done to make Willam’s sense of humor seem off-putting to the other queens, but her jokes all make me laugh. Milan struts in, wearing, uh…well let’s just say I think Phi Phi gets it right when she remarks, “Broadway just hit our stage. That or they picked up a pimp off the street.” Alisa Summers arrives next, followed by DiDa Ritz, who looks totally busted in a TJ Maxx ensemble and the blonde fright wig I threw away in middle school because my cat peed on it. The Princess makes a grand, circus-y entrance, calling herself a “reserved extrovert.” Little firecracker Kenya Michaels shows up next, and yes, she’s super fishy.
Enter Chad Michaels. She says she’s “first and foremost a celebrity impersonator.” Oh, alright. Well she also has some pretty severely Restylane®-plumped lips and other signs of facial…manipulation. Yikes. Sharon Needles wiggles in wearing a classic Halloween witch hat and rocking a LBD. Werk! Latrice Royale is the last to enter and looks way more put together than she did in her intro video. She says she’s “large and in charge…chunky yet funky.” Yes, gworl, bring it!
After watching an apocalyptic She Mail, Ru enters and explains that, among other prizes, the cash prize is $100,000 this year. “When I heard $100,000, I just wanted to just pee on the floor and start doing flip flaps,” Madame La Queer says. A classy gal, that Madame La Queer. Also, what’s a flip flap? No matter. Ru explains that the gworls are going to have to survive the RuPocalypse, and then the sexy pit crew appears with a box. We all remember who popped out of the box last year: Shangela! And there the bitch is again, “Haleloo!”ing and posing! Except Ru has the pit crew put her back in the box and take her out with the trash (after making a honey badger reference). The gay world breathes a collective sigh of relief.
As in previous seasons, the gworls are immediately forced to do a photo shoot. This year, the set is post-apocalyptic with a lightning sky background and a turntable that the dolls must stand on as the pit crew sprays them with paint. Mike Ruiz is of course the photographer. Mike says Kenya is pretty but keeps doing something with her mouth “like she’s trapping flies.” Jiggly is the first to fall. Although Ru and Mike are asking for the gworls to serve fierce beauty, Madame La Queer goes very campy and funny with her facial expressions. Latrice is the next doll to take a spill, and not only does she fall, but her pantaloons come off. Oh dear. Instead of waiting for her to get up, they roll with it, and the pit crew continues to spray her with paint as she lies on the ground, giving face. It works. Inexplicably, Jiggly is named the winner of this challenge. Frankly I thought Latrice had it.
For the runway challenge, the gworls are taken to an abandoned motel and told they must scavenge for materials from which to make their runway outfit. Oh, and there’s a pack of rabid drag queen zombies roaming the courtyard with all kinds of crap draped on their bodies (the materials to scavenge!). The zombies are all past Drag Race competitors. The best moment of this scene comes when Sharon Needles says, “For a quick second I thought Chad Michaels was a zombie–it’s just that Halloween mask of a face that she has.” A close second is the end of the scene when all the zombie queens eat Shangela alive.
Back in the workroom, the gworls find more supplies waiting for them, and some short-lived struggles ensue. Jiggly says she’s good at math: “One small corset plus another small corset equals one fatass corset!” LaShauwn attempts to crack a globe open like a coconut and confides that she’s unsure what “post-apopaloctic” means. Ru enters the workroom to see how the gworls are doing. The Princess’s outfit is all ballerina, no signs of apocalypse. Sharon Needles cites Linda Hamilton in Beauty and the Beast as an inspiration, and I totally see that in her dress.
LaShauwn still seems unsure of herself, but the bodice portion of the costume she’s constructing actually looks good and in line with the challenge’s theme. Jiggly’s costume looks like a hodgepodge and includes a severed leg; her look is later referred to as “baked potato couture” by another queen. Alisa is constructing a swimsuit; post apocalyptic it is not, and I immediately saw that she was constructing something purely to show off her stupid fake tits. Latrice Royale confesses to Ru that she went to prison for eighteen months, during which time her mother died, and she says the drag community rallied around her when she was released. Ru tells the queens that Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, will be the guest judge; I am not surprised when Sharon Needles becomes the most excited queen in the group.
The second day in the workroom, everyone is nervous. Jiggly talks about the loss of her mother with Milan. Latrice encourages LaShauwn. The Princess bonds with Sharon. Phi Phi says she doesn’t think Sharon can compete and predicts she’ll be the first to leave. Many of the interactions in the workroom (including Jiggly and Latrice divulging such private information) are glaringly artificial and forced, but shet, we’re watching RuPaul’s Drag Race, not a Herzog documentary.
The Runway
Michelle Visage, Mike Ruiz and Santino Rice return as judges. As mentioned, Elvira is the guest judge.
Willam: Her costume is suitably ratty and tattered, hair and makeup well done. She says she’s trying to serve “90’s supermodel.” Eh. I didn’t get that so much, but she’s still a contender. The gas mask is a nice touch.
Phi Phi O’Hara: She looks very Thunderdome. Overall, it’s well done, but her makeup could use a little finessing.
LaShauwn Beyond: Her dress turned out well, and though the headpiece feels like too much, the judges appreciate it. Her lack of confidence has followed her from the workroom to the runway, and she really needs to get over this if she expects a shot at winning.
Chad Michaels: Scary plastic surgery face notwithstanding, her costume is very well made, and her makeup is dramatic and perfect. The contacts are a nice touch.
The Princess: Her “Waterworld couture” turned out pretty well, but I think she could have done better if she hadn’t needed to start over halfway through the work process. Her hair and makeup are flawless.
Kenya Michaels: Whut? There is nothing post-apocalyptic about this. Sure, her hair and makeup are great, and she owns the runway, but this bitch didn’t do the challenge, not to mention it looks like she’s wearing some kind of drag queen incontinence undergarment.
Latrice Royale: Her costume fits the challenge. The hair and makeup work.
Alisa Summers: What the shet is this? Independence Day zombie hooker picnic? Why does she have red tulle tacked to her fake tits? I don’t what.
Milan: This bitch gets it! Her dress is ripped up and awesome. She applied makeup to her body so it looks like she survived a disaster, more specifically a fire of some kind. Well done. Literally.
Jiggly Caliente: This bitch is a mess. This is not post-apocalyptic. Ru says, “Hoarding is the new black.” Indeed. She looks like a candy raver dumpster diver mental patient.
DiDa Ritz: I get more of a military vibe than a post-apocalyptic one from this costume, but at least she doesn’t look all busted like she did when she first arrived.
Madame La Queer: She looks very Flintstones. Michelle Visage even makes a Betty Rubble reference. Her costume, hair and makeup are pretty well done.
Sharon Needles: Hell. Yes. She looks like a drag queen Cenobite. Sure, the fake blood trick is a classic shock rock move, but when’s the last time you saw it incorporated into a drag act? Love, love, love.
Ru’s Best Runway One-Liner: (About Chad Michaels) “Very Lawrence of my Labia.”
Sharon Needles wins the challenge.
Lip-Synch for Your Life
Jiggly Caliente and Alisa Summers find themselves in the bottom and must lip-synch some Britney if they hope to stay in the challenge.
Jiggly is super expressive and energetic, really getting into her performance. Alisa sort of saunters around the stage like she’s hot shet. Srsly, was that her idea of lip-synching for her life? Bitch must have a death wish. Snoozers! It’s no surprise when Ru tells Alisa to sashay away.
My picks for who this week had the most Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve & Talent, and who was just a lowercase c u next tuesday:
Charisma
Jiggly Caliente, who showed she has personality after all and turned it out when she had to lip-synch for her life.
Uniqueness
Sharon Needles, who interpreted the challenge in a way no one else did.
Nerve
Latrice Royale, who shared the story of a very dark period in her life and proved that our missteps need not define us.
Talent
Chad Michaels, who is clearly a pro when it comes to sewing, makeup and hair. Not to mention she can work the runway with the best of them. The other bitches better watch out, because this experienced queen knows what she’s doing.
C U Next Tuesday
Phi Phi O’Hara, whose incessant barrage of nasty comments (there’s shade, and then there’s ugly cattiness) about the other queens was extremely unbecoming. As was her acting incensed when she was deemed “just safe” in the runway challenge. Bitch, you should thank your lucky stars you were safe.
