Oh, crap. No, wait…yay! Urmph. Such conflict. On one hand he’s an Oscar testament. Seriously, if there were a tabernacle built on the undulating viscera that is the Oscar Stage where many have fallen on a sword of awful jokes, rambunctious dance numbers, a whole oven full of pot brownies, and the lovemaking of Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin — that tabernacle would be Billy Crystal. The bad part of this is we’re kinda afraid of Billy telling jokes that were last funny in 1992. Something about pecan pie and white men’s overbites. Sheesh. This could be awful.
This last week has been full of pure Oscar DRAMA! Hell, there was more drama here than in some actual Oscar categories. Meryl Streep, whatever. Kate Winslet, yawn. But this past week, Brett Ratner, crazy wolf-goliath and affront to all women and some inflatable dolls, talked some stupid ‘ish, used a horrible slur, and basically got himself tossed out resigned from producing the Oscar telecast. And in a surprising move of loyalty, arrogance, or pure batshit nutterdom, Eddie Murphy, who just crawled out of a fat suit exactly ten minutes ago, decided to follow Ratner back into the land of horrible movies — and quit.
So, now Brian Grazer, the Edward Scissorhands-haired producer extraordinaire, will produce, Crystal will host, and Rob Reiner will eat pie! No, not really. Deadline confirms this announcement so we can expect about fifteen tons of cheese sprayed all over the audience and the viewers set to a dance number. Hey, maybe it won’t be the worst thing in the world! Maybe somebody will get him a farmer’s almanac so he’ll catch up! Mostly we’re hoping the Muppets show up.
This is the last funny thing we’ve seen Crystal do and it’s about vampires, zombies, and Helen Mirren’s rack…so maybe there’s a chance? Maybe.
